Ranma's Eternal Night - 11

[LawOhki]

“What happened?” Akane asked, storming up to Genma who was standing outside of his and Nodoka’s room. She had just witnessed Ranma vanish into thin air in Akane’s attempt to catch up and find out what was going on with Nodoka.

Genma didn’t turn to her, choosing to stare at a spot on the floor with bright red spots staining the carpet. “I think the boy’s really gone.” He said slowly in a pained voice.

“What happened?” She repeated.

“My son.” Genma staggered down the hall away from her.

Deciding that Genma was not going to be any help, she knocked on the door. “Auntie Saotome, could you open up, it’s me Akane.”

“I’m-- I’m sorry but I do not wish to talk right now.” Nodoka’s strained voice carried through the door.

“Auntie, please open the door.” She pleaded with the Saotome woman before adding something to hopefully get her inside. “I’m really worried about Ranma and I just want to help.” Standing in silence for nearly a minute, the door knob finally turned, and the door opened allowing her to enter.

Nodoka was leaning against the wall behind the door and Akane stepped out of the way to let it close. The elder female was clearly distraught, her eyes were red, the small amount of makeup she was wearing was ruined, with long tracks of eyeliner trailing down her cheeks.

“He’s gone.” Nodoka wiped at her eyes with a handkerchief. “I waited so long for him to come back and now he’s dead!” She wailed, grabbing on to Akane like a life preserver.

Uncomfortable with having the normally stately woman to be so emotional, she led Nodoka over to sit on the bed. “Ranma’s not dead, well-- not really.”

“That’s not Ranma. My Ranma is a man and wouldn’t choose to be a girl.” Nodoka said firmly.

“I don’t think Ranma believes he has a choice anymore. When we were out walking.” She didn’t feel that now was a good time to say Ranma casually killed two people so she left that out. “Ranma tried to explain it to me, he said that he would be as he was when turned into a vampire. And-- Ranma was changed as a girl.”

“But that can’t be true, Ranma is a man, and that thing admitted to being neither a man or a human.”

Akane was momentarily frozen by Nodoka referring to Ranma as a thing. “Auntie-- Ranma has changed. But he came here to see us, to see me, to see you. I can’t really think of anything that could show how Ranma is still there than that.”

“That’s not Ranma.”

“Did you tell Ranma that?” She asked, still trying to figure out what was going on.

“Yes-- it followed me down the hall and tried to enter the room. I said I didn’t want to see the thing that had took my son.”

“You didn’t.” She breathed out and when Nodoka didn’t deny it Akane pulled away from the Saotome woman. “How could you do that?”

“I just wanted it to go away.”

“How do you think Ranma feels to have his own mother tell him something like that?” Akane knew that Nodoka was not all right in the head, but how could she think that Ranma had been replaced with someone else? The small amount of time she had been with the vampire earlier had indicated to her quite clearly that while he had changed significantly, that annoying idiot she knew was still there.

“My son and your fiancée is not a girl.”

Akane’s anger rose at that statement, realizing the heart of the matter, that Ranma hadn’t attempted to live up to Nodoka’s vision of manliness. Nodoka had rejected her child because of something that was beyond his control. Something that Ranma had always been sensitive about. If Ranma was truly serious about being forced to be a girl now, then Nodoka’s reaction would have cut deeper than any sword.

“Well I’ve never known him without the curse.” She answered Nodoka. “But I’m not going to hold it against him like you do.” Akane paused wondering if what she was about to say was a good idea. “And I don’t want anything to do with a mother who throws their child away for any petty reason.”

Nodoka reacted as if Akane had slapped her, staring with wide eyes at her. ‘No going back now.’ Akane realized that she may have irreparably damaged the relationship between her family and the Saotome’s. Taking a deep breath and firming her resolve, Akane left the room to go get explain what just happened to her sisters and father.

X x x x x x

Genma downed another bottle of beer in the hotel bar. His son was gone and not in the way Nodoka no doubt thought. He preferred Ranma to be a man, but so long as he kept up the art and hopefully produce an heir, he could spend his days as a girl for all he cared. Ranma was his life, a decade and a half of his life had been dedicated to training and raising him.

“Why the long face Genma old boy?” Happosai hopped up to sit on the bar seat next to him.

“The boy.” He took another drink. “He’s-- not coming back.” The cause of this was obviously Nodoka, but thinking back it was he that made up the seppuku pledge. ‘If I hadn’t made that, none of this would have happened. Nodoka would have coddled the boy, but we would not have been cursed, and now Ranma wouldn’t be a vampire.’ Thinking of all the mistakes he had made only deepened his depression.

“It’s probably for the best.” Happosai ordered something in English. Genma drained another bottle concerned that the ancient pervert would not want Ranma around. “I couldn’t get anything from deer sweet Ranma-chan now.”

“Is all you think about touching girls?” He demanded angrily and grabbed the small pervert by the front of his shirt.

“Don’t be so vulgar.” Happosai slipped from his grasp to land back on the seat without a care. Reaching into his purple gi, the old pervert pulled out a slip of paper, and pushed it in front of Genma. “And you want to see Ranma again, here’s the directions.”

“How did you get this?” He asked, quickly reading the paper, it seemed simple enough to follow even though reading the English portions would cause some problems.

“Your Master has his ways. Now how are you going to thank me?”

“What do you want?” He asked nervously.

“Nothing you can really help with.” Happosai rubbed at his chin while laughing to himself.

[BonusPoints]

Hmm, a wild persistently reasonable Akane has appeared. I am intrigued and wonder if this, too, will serve as a source for fun conflict in times to come. Genma sounds like a wreck; I feel bad for the guy. Hopefully he'll take what help Happosai offers. It's always deeply depressing to see him get permanently estranged from Ranma.

I've got to see, I am definitely appreciating the direction this story is taking. I can't make myself wait until new chapters hit FF.Net anymore.

And now for some nitpicking.

Uncomfortable with having the normally stately woman to be so emotional, she led Nodoka over to sit on the bed.

Sentence feels a mite off.

...When we were out walking.” She didn’t feel that now was a good time to say Ranma casually killed two people so she left that out. “Ranma...

Any way you can connect the two speech sections? Or failing that connect the sentence fragment 'When we were out walking' to 'She didn't feel...'? Alternatively, some method of indicating an interruption at the end of that first speech section? It doesn't seem to fit the flow as is.

...I can’t really think of anything that could show how Ranma is still there than that.”

more than that? better than that? clearer than that?

...Akane left the room to go get explain what just happened to her sisters and father.

Deciding whether she's doing one of (going to get) and (explaining), or both will clear this up.

Ranma was his life, a decade and a half of his life had been dedicated to training and raising him.

Consider using a word or expression with similar meaning for one of the two 'life's in this sentence.

[LawOhki]

Hmm, a wild persistently reasonable Akane has appeared. I am intrigued and wonder if this, too, will serve as a source for fun conflict in times to come. Genma sounds like a wreck; I feel bad for the guy. Hopefully he'll take what help Happosai offers. It's always deeply depressing to see him get permanently estranged from Ranma.

Persistently reasonable? I wouldn't say that. Akane wasn't very reasonable in the first chapter and in the last one she basically ignored what Ranma was trying to tell her to start, and only after killing those muggers did she finally start to get it. Hence why now she's like "Hey, Ranma is trying to say something, maybe we should listen."

Nitpicks have been fixed in my copy.

[BonusPoints]

Persistently reasonable? I wouldn't say that. Akane wasn't very reasonable in the first chapter and in the last one she basically ignored what Ranma was trying to tell her to start, and only after killing those muggers did she finally start to get it. Hence why now she's like "Hey, Ranma is trying to say something, maybe we should listen."

Fanfiction has left me with skewed expectations. It's lasted just over two scenes now.

[LawOhki]

A repeated knocking on the outside of her bed woke Ranma up. Her eyes opened half way and she focused past the wooden top to see that it was Pickman who was waking her before sunset. Hitting the lid control, she waited for it to open up just enough so she could peak her head out.

“Why are you waking me up?” The only human who had woken her up before was Walter,

“There’s a panda at the gate holding up signs with Japanese on them.” He answered, trying not to look amused at the idea. “And Walter was busy so I drew the short straw of waking up the unstable vampire.”

Ignoring the joke about being unstable, she raised the lid the rest of the way, and swung her feet out to sit on the edge of the bed. “So why are you asking me?” She asked while already knowing the answer. Wiggling her toes, she stood up, and stretched her back.

“Guards didn’t know to open fire or call the zoo. You got picked because you’re from there.”

“Is it sunny out?” She asked absently walking out of her room dressed only in her red pajamas.

“Overcast with some rain earlier.” Pickman followed her out.

“Must be why he’s a panda.” She muttered, heading up the steps, and out the front door to walk down the main drive to the gate. She saw Genma quickly, four soldiers were positioned around him looking confused over what they should do. Commander Fargason was standing nearby with a similar confused expression on his old face.

#Boy! You’re here# Genma signed to her excitedly. #It took me all night and day to find this place# Not responding, she grabbed him by a paw, and dragged him towards the mansion.

“Saotome, you know this animal?” Fargason asked her.

“He’s my father.” She answered without stopping, earning looks like she had grown a second head. Genma was unresisting as she brought him to the kitchen with an entourage of curious soldiers, and splashed him with hot water. The sounds from weapons being raised made her give the soldiers a dark look that made them drop them back down.

“How did you find me?” She asked him in Japanese.

“A horrible old troll found it somehow.”

“I’m way too tired to care how Happosai found this place. So come on.” Grabbing him by the wrist, she took him down into the dungeon. Genma didn’t have a choice in the matter, with her grip, his arm would rip off before he could free himself. “You said you stayed up? So you’re tired right?” She asked, shoving him into her room and closing the door behind her.

“This where you live?” Genma asked, instantly poking through her things.

“For now.” Ranma answered while yawning and sitting down on her bed; rubbing at her eyes to try and keep them open for just a little longer, she felt a heavy weight land on her bed. Looking behind her, she found Genma lying on his back, and already asleep. “Stupid old man.” She said fondly and slipped under her blanket before hitting the lid control to block out the ambient light.

[frice2000]

This is getting...sticky. I doubt Integra will be happy about this, though if Genma offered to train the humans or Integra saw them sparring and what a well trained human was capable of...Interesting ways this can be spun for certain.

[LawOhki]

Ranma awoke to Genma’s snoring. Hitting the lid control, she sat up in bed, and looked at her father’s sleeping form to try and figure out what to do now. Slipping out of bed to grab a blood pack, she kicked him hard enough to wake him up. “Can’t sleep all night.” She told him as he woke up.

“You’ll get soft sleeping on a bed like this.” He informed her with a wise sensei voice attempt.

“Actually my coffin is softer than the bed.” She commented absently, opening up the blood pack. “And yes, this is real blood.” Ranma read Genma’s surface thoughts without trying.

“Can you still eat real food?”

Removing her mouth from the straw part, she answered. “No.”

“Have you killed people for it?” Genma asked, suddenly serious.

“Yes.” Ranma answered without hesitation.

“Boy.” Genma started but Ranma interrupted him.

“I know, protect the weak, and killing is a last resort.” She actually wondered why this had taken so long to come up.

“A martial artist protects the weak.” Genma rose up to his feet to stare down at her in disappointment.

“Don’t you think I know that?” She got out through gritted teeth. “Don’t you think I’ve thought about that at least once a night since I was turned? That what I am is the complete opposite of what I was?” She looked up at Genma, her face despondent.

“Why were you-- turned?” Genma’s intense gaze lessened. “Was it really that story you told Akane? Or did you go looking for it?”

“I was given the choice, live-- or die.” She answered, her voice even, angry that he would ask such a thing. “Do you also want me to die?” Ranma asked, remembering Nodoka’s desire to find reasons for her to kill herself.

“No, no parent should ever want to see their child die.”

“Then why does she?!” Ranma demanded. “I didn’t ask that vampire to attack me.” She could feel tears start to pool at the corners of her eyes and she reached up to try and wipe it away, and only succeeded in smearing the blood. “I should never have let you know that I wasn’t dead. Then-- then you could have had a nice funeral, and you wouldn’t have seen-- what a monster I am now.”

X x x x x x

Genma watched Ranma drop the half-finished blood pack to land on the floor, her hands reaching up to try and wipe away the red tears that were falling uncontrollably from her eyes. ‘Oh Nodoka.’ He realized now just how much Ranma respected his mother, and it was more than him. Placing a hand on the short red heads shoulder, he tried to sound reassuring.

“Your mother didn’t mean it.” He told her. “She just needs to get used to the idea.”

“No she’s right!” Ranma slapped his hand away. “Ranma wouldn’t have done anything I have; I’m a cold blooded monster!” She stopped talking to stand with her hands at her sides and body rigid, forcibly trying to restrain the dark red tears by will alone. Normally Genma didn’t think such a thing would work, but the blood that was staining Ranma’s face, and clothing vanished as if it was absorbed through her skin.

Struggling to remember some wise saying that would fit this situation, Genma tried to find a way to fix what Nodoka had done. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing and lose his child forever. He wanted things to go back to the way they were. Nothing came to him, so he stood watching his one and only child suffer because of what her mother had said.

Inspiration finally hit him, and he placed both hands on her slim shoulders. “That you know you’re a monster, means you aren’t one.” It sounded good to him so hopefully it would resonate with Ranma in some way.

Ranma lost most of the tension in her body to stare up at him blankly. “That’s-- that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.” She chortled.

“It’s true.” He crossed his arms and closed his eyes. “If you truly were a monster, you wouldn’t care. That you care shows you’re not.”

“Thanks old man.” Ranma picked up the dropped blood pack and stared at it. “That does actually make me feel a bit better. Even if it doesn’t change anything.” She stared to drink the blood again. Genma didn’t respond to that, trying to deal with the strange dichotomy that his child was embroiled in. Hating what he had become yet at the same time finding nothing wrong with it.

“Someone is coming.” Ranma looked towards the door to her room. “Just Walter.” She said with relief a moment before someone knocked on the door.

X x x x x x

“Hi Walter.” Ranma greeted the butler after opening the door.

The monocle wearing man looked past her to Genma then back to her. “Sir Integra wishes to know why your father is here.”

“It’s none of her business.” Ranma answered. “And he doesn’t even speak English.”

“There’s no need for hostilities.” Walter replied calmly. “I simply needed to know because she was wondering if he would want some food.”

“Really?” Ranma had expected some kind of complaint from the woman. “Er-- yes he probably wants some food and he tends to eat a lot.”

“I’ll have something prepared and brought down, expect it in a half hour.” Walter paused as he turned away. “Also, be sure not to forget that Sir Integra wants her food to be prepared by eight. Do you plan to do as she has asked?”

“I might as well, I did actually do something this time.” Ranma groaned, thankfully it was only five o clock so there would be plenty of time to do it.

“Very good.” Walter bowed his head before leaving.

“I don’t want to cook anything with garlic.” She grimaced at the thought. “Hmm, I wonder if that would help.” She considered something she had seen the soldiers were and how that might help. Reforming her clothing into her Chinese styled silks, she turned to Genma. “Come on Pop, I have to go grab something, and I don’t want to worry about you getting into trouble.”

[frice2000]

“Have you killed people for it?” Genma asked, suddenly serious.

“Yes.” Ranma answered without hesitation.

Honestly I think the scene would've worked better and gone longer if Ranma had answered that question vaguely. The next bit you have Ranma go into how she feels like a monster how she's no longer the Ranma she wants to be. Having her answer that question with a simple yes feels like a HUGE missed opportunity. Having her struggle to answer or lying feels much better for the scene you're trying to create there sure that changes your flow but it would add a lot and flow into the slight emotional break down you have later.

Other then that great Genma/Ranma character interactions there. Very nice work.

[LawOhki]

Honestly I think the scene would've worked better and gone longer if Ranma had answered that question vaguely. The next bit you have Ranma go into how she feels like a monster how she's no longer the Ranma she wants to be. Having her answer that question with a simple yes feels like a HUGE missed opportunity. Having her struggle to answer or lying feels much better for the scene you're trying to create there sure that changes your flow but it would add a lot and flow into the slight emotional break down you have later.

Actually that was supposed to be Ranma putting up a strong front for being completely at ease with being a vampire which falls apart in short order by letting out how much Nodoka's comments had hit home.

[frice2000]

After sleeping on it and thinking about it a bit I'm still not satisfied with that justification. Sure you could say she was putting up a strong front but if she is concerned about rejection from the only parent that she thinks she has left, which she definetly seems to be, then just having her not answer or looking away from him in shame still fits better then simply saying yes. It can be a minor change and only add another line or two but I still think it fits better emotionally with the tone of the rest of the scene.

[LawOhki]

After sleeping on it and thinking about it a bit I'm still not satisfied with that justification. Sure you could say she was putting up a strong front but if she is concerned about rejection from the only parent that she thinks she has left, which she definetly seems to be, then just having her not answer or looking away from him in shame still fits better then simply saying yes. It can be a minor change and only add another line or two but I still think it fits better emotionally with the tone of the rest of the scene.

And trying to lie or weasel out of answering isn't going to help anything. Especially if later on Genma finds out about it. Ranma wants to be upfront with things as much as possible.

I did change it so that Ranma is slightly hesitant about it before rationalizing that Genma would likely spot the lie so why bother?


-----------------

“Here, put these on.” Ranma told him, handing him a pair of protective ear muffs. Genma could hear the sounds of gunfire from behind the door in the underground facility. They were inside a small area with a wall full of the plastic ear muffs with a second door creating a second barrier from the gunfire. Putting on the ones Ranma gave him, she put on another pair, and they stepped into the firing range.

Inside, six men in military uniforms were unloading on paper targets with automatic weapons. Genma had been shot at before but he had never be shot. Ranma seemed completely at ease with the situation so he tried to be as well to find out just what kind of life his son lived here. Ranma tapped a younger brown haired soldier on the shoulder and he glanced back to see who it was before putting his weapon down. The soldier checked him out briefly with his blue eyes before all three went into a backroom with door that closed to seal out the sound.

Watching Ranma and the soldier converse, he couldn’t understand what they were saying, but they seemed to be on friendly terms. The two seemed to come to an agreement and Ranma was given a gas mask from out of a locker by the man who then took a second from another locker. The Englishman must have made a joke because he and Ranma shared a laugh before they left the firing range.

“What are these for?” He asked Ranma, tired of not knowing what was going on.

“I sort of tore up the building last night and the owner thought a good way to punish me would be to have me make food that was heavy on garlic.”

“Why would that be a punishment?” Forcing Ranma to cook something? The boy was good at that and even like to do it occasionally.

“Vampires are really allergic to garlic.” The red head answered. “I can’t even be in the same room with the stuff. But these should help.”

“And who is the owner and why do you follow that order?”

“That depends on how much you want to know about vampires.” Ranma answered.

“Anything you can tell me.” Genma was not a follower of vampire folklore or popular culture so there was very little that he actually knew about what Ranma was now.

“My Master, the one who made me a vampire, is magically bound to a human family, the one who owns this place. I’m part of Master’s bloodline and so I’m also connected to the family. It’s-- slavery.” Ranma’s head dropped to stare at the floor as they walked down the stone corridor. “But I should be free soon. I just-- have to figure out where I want to go.” She said with more enthusiasm.

“You could come home.” He suggested hopefully. “Back to Japan.”

“I can’t-- it just wouldn’t work out.”

“Are you making up reasons?”

“I’ve thought about it before.” Ranma said forcefully, expecting no further discussion.

“Then where?” Genma kept his eyes on Ranma since the area they were walking through was barely lit enough for him to make out the outlines of the tunnel.

“Somewhere in London I suppose.”

“Why don’t you want to return to Japan?” Genma couldn’t imagine why Ranma would want to leave his homeland. “Even if you don’t live in Nerima.”

“I’m part of a bloodline, the other vampires that live here are my family-- even more so than you. I’m sorry but it’s a vampire thing, I don’t know if I could really explain it to you.”

Genma frowned, seeing more evidence that there were major differences in Ranma. Physically Ranma was different now, capable of changing into multiple forms, mind reading, that vanishing trick from the hotel, and who knows what else. Mentally there were clearly differences but similarities, but this was a big difference.

“So you can leave us but not them?” He pressed on this issue.

“Pop, I’m a vampire, a different species, if I moved to Japan I would be all alone, surrounded by humans. Humans who would want me dead if they ever found out.”

“When did you ever get such a bleak outlook?”

“Don’t you realize where you are?” Ranma asked incredulously, jumping forward to walk backwards while talking to him. “This whole organization is dedicated to one thing, exterminating us. If I didn’t help them, they would hunt me down and try to kill me.”

“I suppose that’s a good reason.” He answered, watching her sniff at the air.

“Let’s go panda-man, your food is stinking up my room.”

[frice2000]

Slightly hesitant works. I just thought she shouldn't face him and say 'yes' after being ashamed later in the same scene at some of what she's done in comparison to the him of the past. That'll work fine now.

and even like

Think it should be 'and even liked'

“And who is the owner and why do you follow that order?”

That line reads really awkwardly. Think it needs to be reworked.

“I’m part of a bloodline, the other vampires that live here are my family-- even more so than you. I’m sorry but it’s a vampire thing, I don’t know if I could really explain it to you.”

Whoa, whoa that's a pretty big moment right there. Sure Ranma has thought about this to herself in the past so it's not at all a shock to the readers but after just worrying about her parents emotionally to just toss that out? Feels strange. I can see having you deliver that line but man you need to describe Ranma's emotions after delivering it. Nice line but I need to see some emotion described from Ranma. Maybe in the paragraph that follows Genma can describe the emotion he was seeing on his sons face or something but I think you need to describe it. If it's simply a cut and dry this is how things are now fine but she seemed slightly hesitant but at peace with it in the dialogue so some description is warranted.

Nice bit that. Can't wait to see Integra coming into contact with the rest of the family.

[LawOhki]

Whoa, whoa that's a pretty big moment right there. Sure Ranma has thought about this to herself in the past so it's not at all a shock to the readers but after just worrying about her parents emotionally to just toss that out? Feels strange. I can see having you deliver that line but man you need to describe Ranma's emotions after delivering it. Nice line but I need to see some emotion described from Ranma. Maybe in the paragraph that follows Genma can describe the emotion he was seeing on his sons face or something but I think you need to describe it. If it's simply a cut and dry this is how things are now fine but she seemed slightly hesitant but at peace with it in the dialogue so some description is warranted.

I'm actually going to take it out, I think Ranma should show that rather than tell.

Altered scene.

“Why don’t you want to return to Japan?” Genma couldn’t imagine why Ranma would want to leave his homeland. “Even if you don’t live in Nerima.”

“I’d be alone.”

“You wouldn’t have to be.” Genma had left his wife once; if she continued her foolishness then doing so again was an option.

“Pop, I’m a vampire, a different species, if I moved to Japan I would be all alone, surrounded by humans. Humans who would want me dead if they ever found out.”

Genma frowned, seeing more evidence that there were major differences in Ranma. Physically Ranma was different now, capable of changing into multiple forms, mind reading, that vanishing trick from the hotel, and who knows what else. Mentally there were clearly differences but similarities, but this was a big difference.

[LawOhki]

Happosai had been patient, like a saint really, but now he was going to get his prize. When that old man had brought food into the room, he had hid from view, his limitless patience paying off again. Bouncing up to a four drawer dresser, he opened the bottom one to find several shirts but for the most part completely empty. The next higher one had some pants, so he went on to the last one. Several pairs of boxers blocked his view and he hastily dug through to find his real target.

Raising up the clothing item, he gazed in wonder at the black satin panties with just a tiny amount of flowery lace. Visions of Ranma’s female form clad in the complete set posing provocatively danced in his head. Her pale skin creating a striking contest with the black, and her red hair and eyes added much needed color. “I’m never leaving.” He whispered to himself. (1)

The wild animal that was growling behind him made him slowly turn around. “He-- hello Ranma-chan.” He greeted, seeing the red head’s eyes burning into him, and Genma standing just behind her.

“Ha-- po-- sai.” She snarled.

“I’ll just get out of your hair.” He pocketed his prize and tried to leap past her. The door mysteriously closed in his face, barring his escape long enough for Ranma to grab him. ‘This is going to hurt.’ He winced before she even hit him.

------

1 - Ranma wore them when meeting the Queen.

[frice2000]

Ah...The Ranma comedy aspect makes its return fully with that bit. Love it!