Ranma no Zettai Kareshi - Chapter 14 Thickening Plot

[Anchoku]

This is actually chapter 14 although it's the 13th listed on FF.net. The first ecchi chapter will eventually be available upon request. It's complete but needs a little clean-up. Chapter 15, too, will be a lemon but is in much rougher form and I'll probably skip it to write chapter 16, first. Be warned, though. I don't write PWP. It will be strange.

The story is approaching its end, finally. A few more loose threads are being tied up. I have to admit, I really enjoyed inventing background for Aro-sensei's gender-swapping alien refugees. The story, if you remember, takes place well before Futaba-kun Change when Kahoru Iroka is a newly-minted teen idol. I've tried to keep the settings closer to the late 1980s so I have to wonder what the characters might be like twenty years later. ^_^

I have one final note: Akane in this story is different than she is in other stories I'm writing. While a lot of what you read may sound similar to other stories I'm working on, I do try to distinguish the characters between them and hope those of you who dislike my portrayal of Tendo Akane, Ranma, or any others, might give me another chance in the future. This story was meant to be intensely emotional and provocative. If there are uncomfortable or controversial areas, I can only hope they are the ones I intended.

Any errors you find, please let me know. Thank you very much.



Title: Ranma no Zettai Kareshi

Category 1: Ranma
Category 2: Absolute Boyfriend

Character(s): Ranma


Chapter 13 Title: Thickening Plot
Words: 16,153
Genre(s): Drama/Fantasy
Rating: Rated: M
Summary: Ranma/Absolute Boyfriend xover. Ranma beta-tests a prototype of the Lover Shop's Nightly Lover simulated boyfriend. Ch. 14 - Part 2 of the Shimeru omiai - A Thickening Plot. The real Ch. 13 is suspiciously missing - A lemon rind was left at the scene

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4972965/13/

[Dumbledork]

I'd like to read the lemon version. Could you send it to me please?

[iiradned]

I already sent a pm for my request.

[Konsaki]

My suggestion is to upload the full story, with lemon chapters, to Mediaminer instead of hinting at lemon chapters at all.
Reading the 'clean' FF.net story, it worked okay without the lemon chapter, but I think it would have made more sense with a little lime leading up to the scene change when Genma notices the smell. As it is, there's not really much to go off of to give any indication that the full shebang was going to happen up until Genma's barely covert bombshell.
Anyways, if you have no plans on posting the 'lost' chapters, would you mind PMing/E-mailing them my way? The missing chapters would fill in the gap in the story, plus I enjoy your writing style.

[ranmas]

When you have it ready I would also like a copy of chapter 13.

[Anchoku]

I have received PMs for the lemon chapters and will send them out when ready, though it may take a few weeks. I crunched out the oversize chapter last weekend intending to take it easy but I kept working until I was seriously frazzled. My maximum seems to be only 10k words per weekend-worked and went into it with about 6K worth of material so the food is rotting in the refrigerator and the dishes are rotting in the sink. My laundry isn't rotting, per se, because composting actually makes them cleaner.

Speaking of composting, I am going to need some time to research material for the next chapter and let it ferment a bit. Chapter 16 (14 on FFnet) should be the run-up before the finale, which, in turn, will probably garner some hate-mail for being inconclusive. I fully expect people will want to dream, or write if they feel inspired enough, their own conclusion(s) to the story. I even plan on dropping a bunch of branch-line descriptions like and Addventure as starter material so, if you have a branch you want mentioned, drop me a PM, or something, and I'll stick it in. It can be a new crossover, straight continuation, or even lemon/lime. One lemon teaser that's been on my mind since chapter 6 or 7 has been something like, "Tendo Akane finds a small tea cup, an eye dropper and a packet of instant nanniichuan...." It's an absurd idea that's almost funny.

And speaking of Tendo Akane, in this story, I've taken the Tendo school and Akane's demonstrated P-chan blind spot into a very dark and scary place. I don't do that on my other fics but this one in particular needed a little something extra; hence the villianess. In Absolute Boyfriend, the heroine has to choose between the perfect boyfriend and an old friend who is a boy. That old friend could have made his interest in the heroine known earlier but did not until after the robot boyfriend won her heart. Akane needed to follow a similar path and became neglecting and evil in a perverted way. In other words, I needed to make Akane a first runner up for Ranma's heart right up until the end. After that....

Please provide criticisms: structure, plot, spelling, grammar, what you liked and what you hated, changes in tone, language, other inconsistencies and so on. This is my first major story release. My fukufic seems infinitely delayed but was the first big one I cut my teeth writing for. Unfortunately, I do not plan to release it until it's done. That way, I can spend endless hours "fixing" all of its bugs. So please point out any bugs in this story. I'll even take things like "It's gay" and "It looks like a schitzoid wrote it."

[Dumbledork]

You already know you'll get hate mail for an inconclusive ending? Heh, you're probably right. I hate inconclusive stories almost as much as unfinished stories. Personally I read stories to see a happy end; something that rarely happens in new life. Why don't you also write an alternate, real ending? That way you'd satisfy most people.

[PCHeintz72]

Sorry for being so late with this, this last week has been incredibly hectic in RL, including two separate car inspections, a larger than normal workload at work, and I am typing this as I wait in the hospital while my mother is having a procedure done (Scheduled, not emergency, just checking something).

I bit of a disclaimer on my comments for this. There is a inherent problem with reading a continuation aftera lemon chapter, without first reading it, since currently we do not actually in fact know the true extent of what occured plot wise except in form of hints, thus continuity could be an issue.

Nabiki certainly never got anywhere with Tatewaki using those methods.

It should be noted Nabiki never really *wanted* to get anywhere with Kuno in canon... Just bleed him of money and get a few laughs.

It told story of a Lady of the French aristocracy who was a tomboy, just like her but schooled in courtly behavior. She had a lot of women interested simply because she was a better man than many other men.

Hmmm... reminds me of the rival high school in Ouran High School Host Club

Kuno Tatewaki and most, if not all, of the young men she knew at school were typical boys.

She obviously does not understand the concept of 'typical boy'

..she had on was her yellow one-piece with Mizuko swoosh on the right hip just in from the red side panels.

What is a Mizuko swoosh?

“Tendo Akane has issues with her temper and some an odd fear of sex.

Suggest remove either the 'some' or the 'an'

Later, she took his clothes off for him.

Ick...

You should choose which flower you want to propose with.

Huh? Flower?

Taking Baimei’s hand in hers, she smiled and said, “You look like crap,” and led her to a reclining lounge chair nearby the table. “I think I promised you a massage,” she added. Baimei was beginning to look pale. It would help her to lie down. Ranma reclined the lounge chair all the way down and took off her bathrobe, ignoring the rest of the Shimeru family, to spread it over the flexible plastic lathes. They seemed somewhat loose until she remembered her father, the panda, last used it.

Even with all the changes in her personality to date... I have a hard time picturing Ranma doing this out int he open immediately after a scene they just made.

bruised areas

Bruised?

They did not seem normal and they puzzled her.

I'm confused, if she could sense this in this person, should she not have sensed it before when doing his/her fiance?

The massage lasted almost half an hour while the family chatted about work and after-work activities or, in Baimei’s case school. Once Ranma got the woman’s disks back in line, she continued working Baijo’s muscles and spine, stretching, massaging, and twisting until they moved freely.

I've been thinking about this,,, straightening a spine on someone that changes shape and gender... would the job actually hold between changes, or revert?

All the old geezers in town go to him.”

Heh... implied he/she is a old geezer as well.

She even had that weird boyfriend of hers.

Considering what she did to said 'wierd' boyfriend, that is incredibly disrespectful. But then, that was one of the items I've already mentioned in covering the prior couple chapters and was seemingly dismissed, so I'm not going to go into it again.

“Okay. I’m up for it,”

Have a hard time accepting this. Considering the Wedding as an example, the minute Ukyo found out Ranma was at a omei with someone... she IMHO would have demanded where, taken up arms, and attempted to crash it. Not saying it would succeed, mind you, but that it would be attempted.

“Come on, Ukyou,” she whispered as her lips drew closer, “this is a challenge. Can you afford to lose? I know I can’t.”

This is not a true challege, since there is no definitive way to determine which one wins, nor what is won.

Her fiancée stood close by while the family made their escape with the others fleeing the poolside bloodbath.

Huh.... did I somehow miss something?

“That” turned out to be a burly man in a black jumpsuit gasping for breath. Ranma dropped an elbow on his head and said, “Hold the door a sec.” Baimei nodded, gaping, while Ranma picked the guy up by his belt and dragged him into the hall after peeking out to make sure no one was watching. The laundry cart was still there and looked both large and handy enough. “Hey,” she whispered, “Grab your sheets.”

Ehhh... an unknown assailent is beaten up in their rooms.... and they do not bother to torture, interrogate, or turn him over tot he adults in the families? Why the heck would they not do any or all of those? The excuse to ditch the sheets is not sufficiant, since they could have snuck those into the hamper at any time.

Heck, at least find out if he went through their stuff, or saw the beeding. Steal his wallet and strip search him.

She waved Baimei back into her room and watched the lanky woman scuttle away like a silent crab until it occurred to her that she should disappear, too, and ran down the hall as silently as possible into the bay with the lifts.

And not notice the wieght of a already admitted burly man in the hamper? Also, it was mentioned the family had members working undercover in the place, why not just turn him over to management and the police?

“Sure, whatever, brat. Here,” the maid said and grabbed a stack of them to load Ranma’s arms until she could hardly see over the top.

This is a maid whom wants to get fired talking to a guest that way.

[Corana]

Her fiancée stood close by while the family made their escape with the others fleeing the poolside bloodbath.
Huh.... did I somehow miss something?

Both Ranma and Baimei were female and making out. It got some attention, I thought. But I did have to re-read the section.

“Sure, whatever, brat. Here,” the maid said and grabbed a stack of them to load Ranma’s arms until she could hardly see over the top.
This is a maid whom wants to get fired talking to a guest that way.

Not the best backup for the assailant in the room. Of course no-one saw her face.

Unless I missed something.

Really enjoying this story though.

-T-