The Dark Lords of Nerima, Chapter Sixteen [R/SM cross]

[claymade]

Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma 1/2 or Sailor Moon in any way, shape or form. All associated characters, trademarks, etc. are the property of Rumiko Takahashi and Naoko Takeuchi. I'm just telling some stories about them.



(previous chapters can be found here)



Chapter Sixteen: New Arrivals



Cologne slid open the front door of the Nekohanten, allowing dawn's first light to flow in. She drew in a deep breath, then let it out again. Such mornings were to be savored. This was something she had come to appreciate more as she grew older, as fewer and fewer such mornings remained to her.

She hopped outside on her cane, looking up and down the street. It was deserted in every direction. That was good. Her kinswomen would be here soon, and the less people who saw them arriving, the better.

Inside the restaurant, all was in readiness. She had gathered her supplies, organizing them in preparation to act. She had also called Shampoo and Mousse back from Doctor Tofu's clinic temporarily--they were inside the Nekohanten even now, and would be included in the Joketsuzoku war plan.

Which meant that there was only one thing left to do.

Taking one more glance at her silent surroundings, the ancient master heaved a sigh, then reached down and broke off a small chunk of the pavement between her fingers. She tossed it idly into the air and caught it a few times, as though gauging its weight--though she had no real need.

Then, in a blur too fast to follow, her hand shot out, launching the tiny projectile with terrifying speed. It hit a nearby telephone pole, ricocheting off of it to disappear behind the edge of the Nekohanten's roof. It was followed by a solid thunk, and a pain-filled "Ow!"

There was silence for a few seconds, and then Ranma's face appeared over the edge of the rooftop, glaring down at her. "Why son-in-law!" Cologne said, injecting a note of surprised concern into her voice. "I'm terribly sorry about that! You were hiding your presence so well I didn't even realize you were there!" Ranma's sour look told her exactly what he thought of that claim, and Cologne had to smother a smirk.

So, Mousse did tell him about our reinforcements, the old woman thought. I might have expected that from Shampoo, but I wasn't sure whether Mousse would go that far. That youma must have been... convincing.

Not that she hadn't accounted for the possibility, of course. Indeed, she was pleased that Ranma had come. Whatever else might be the case, it wasn't him that she considered an enemy. "Well, come down from there, son-in-law," she said. "No need to spy on us from afar; you can meet the rest of the tribe face to face. After all... they're your tribe as well."

Ranma's lip twisted at the reminder of Cologne's designs on him, but he complied, hopping off the roof and down to ground level. "Just... don't try anything funny, old ghoul," he muttered.

"You wound me, son-in-law," replied the old woman wryly. "No trust, after all we've been through together?"

"Hell no!"

Cologne chuckled. No, she didn't mind that Ranma was here. If nothing else, it would allow him to become familiar with the side which she fully intended him to join forces with, eventually.

And--as she had planned--it had also given her a gauge on how far she could trust Mousse in this matter.



**********



His hands tucked deep within his voluminous sleeves, Mousse paced agitatedly back and forth in one of the Nekohanten's upper rooms, mumbling quietly to himself. He needed to get this exactly right, needed to express his decision in the best way possible to the object of his affection.

So many different ways to say it. He had gone back and forth, trying out countless approaches on the imaginary Shampoo that his mind had conjured up for him. Her reaction was different each time, but in no case was Mousse satisfied.

Angrily, he yanked off his glasses, stuffing them up his sleeves. In an instant, the world lost all clarity, becoming little more than a mass of shifting, unrecognizable shapes. But Mousse was determined not to let that faze him. He needed to look his best for this, and those thick lenses would hardly allow that.

He continued to pace, continued to try different variations, until at last he could wait no longer, and strode out of the room and down the stairs. He would just have to find Shampoo, and try his best. Perhaps her nearness would inspire him.

The hidden weapons master looked to and fro, straining his weak eyes to try and pick out his love's form as he walked through the restaurant. Then, at last, he managed to detect some movement, as one of the surrounding blurs--about the right size and shape, no less--came into view. The young man's heart leapt. This was it!

"Shampoo!" Mousse dropped to his knees before the Shampoo-blur. "My love, there is something of the utmost importance I must tell you. I reached a decision last night. When I first joined Saotome, it was only because your great-grandmother forced me to act as a spy. I didn't want to help him, and I was planning to take the first opportunity I could to get rid of him in the process."

The Shampoo-blur raised one of her arms, as though she were scratching her head uncomfortably. Mousse pressed on. "Still, I must abandon that now. The danger of these enemies is to great, and Saotome is... in the right, this time. I must give him my support, and honestly so, until this crisis is over."

Mousse's voice grew in earnestness, as he reached the crux of what he was trying to say. "But please, Shampoo! Don't think because of this that my heart has wavered! I will never slack in my devotion toward you! Even if I must aid Saotome during this conflict, the instant it is over he will be my mortal foe once again! My goal remains steadfast--to crush him and win your love! Never doubt that, Shampoo!"

"Well gee, Mousse..." replied the Shampoo-blur dryly, in a voice that didn't really sound much like Shampoo at all. "That's real sweet of ya."

The hidden weapons master frowned, then reached into his sleeves and pulled out his glasses. Flicking them open, he slid them onto his face, causing his perception of the Shampoo-blur to immediately clear. "Ah. Saotome."

Ranma rolled his eyes exasperatedly, walking past Mousse and delivering a thwack upside the head as he went by. "Well at least you didn't hug me this time... idiot."



**********



Beneda sat anxiously in the treatment room, watching Ryouga's sleeping face. Another session with the doctor's salve had come and gone, and now he was simply resting.

But although the lost boy was starting to respond to the treatment, fresh worries over Ranma's safety had sprung up to fill in any relief that Beneda might have felt. The pigtailed fighter had assured her before leaving that this would be no problem, just a simple bit of spying to see for himself what they might be facing from Shampoo's tribe. Beneda, however, was still uneasy.

She knew very little about this Cologne, aside from what Ranma and Ryouga had told her secondhand, combined with their brief encounter. But if there was one impression that all that had driven home to her, it was that the old woman was dangerous.

The youma turned, looking over to where Doctor Tofu was sitting, working on some papers. She hesitated, reluctant to disturb someone so powerful, but eventually she spoke up. "Doctor Tofu, sir... Do you really think that Ranma will be all right?"

Tofu glanced up. "Oh, I don't expect that he'll be in any real danger," he said reassuringly. "I've only met Cologne on a few occasions myself, but I doubt she would be so imprudent as to pick a direct fight with us, as long as the Dark Kingdom is still out there."

"Yes, I suppose you're right..." agreed Beneda. Then again, she thought. It doesn't mean I can relax. She might not attack Ranma, but someone like her probably has a lot more methods than just a "direct fight" for dealing with me...

Those weren't enjoyable thoughts to mull over, though. And now that she had Tofu's attention, she decided to mention something that she had been thinking about off and on since she had first helped him treat Ryouga.

"Ummm... Doctor Tofu?" she said, feeling foolish for even asking this question. "I was just wondering... Those things you were showing me about medicine... Helping Ryouga get better... Is there... any way I can learn more of how to do things like that?"

The doctor regarded her for a moment, and Beneda was surprised at the lack of surprise that he showed. Then he stood, walked over to a nearby bookshelf, selected a book from it and handed it to her.

"This isn't anything esoteric," he told her. "Just simple first aid. But it's the basics on which everything else is built. Read this, and it should be enough to give you a start. And if you have any questions about anything you read, don't hesitate to ask me."

"Thank you..." the youma said as she accepted the book, gazing long and its plain tan cover. Then, taking a deep breath, she opened it and began to read.



**********



Sighing and drumming his fingers on one of the Nekohanten's tables, Ranma fought back the impatience that was tugging at him. He didn't like waiting games, didn't like worrying about situations where he couldn't act. But the Joketsuzoku would arrive when they would arrive, and there was nothing he could do to alter that one way or the other.

All he could do was indulge in fruitless pondering as to what their arrival might mean for him and his friends. How many would actually be coming? How strong would they be? With all their forces present, would they try to kill Beneda right away, or would they focus solely on the Dark Kingdom?

And for that matter, how much difference would they be able to make? He hadn't spent too much time in their village before the... unfortunate incident... but the one thing he did know from that experience was that Shampoo had won their village tournament. If the rest were weaker than her, then Ranma was worried about how well they would stand up against monsters like the ones he and Ryouga had faced.

Then again... Cologne hadn't been a participant in that tournament. Who knew how many old crones like her they had up their sleeves?

His ruminations were cut short by an excited shout from Shampoo. "Great-grandmother! They here!" Rising to his feet, Ranma hurried to the restaurant's door, and looked out into the street. Immediately, his eyebrows shot up.

They were coming down the street, not in any specific formation, but moving with obvious coordination nonetheless. A large throng of women, all different ages and builds, armed to the teeth with all kinds of weapons. Swords, staves, bows, spears, maces, throwing knives, and even a few custom designs that Ranma had never seen before. An exact count was difficult, but he guessed that there had to be at least two hundred of them.

Ranma stepped back from the door as the female warriors began to file into the restaurant, quickly packing out the main dining area and overflowing into the kitchen area, pushing him back along with them. Eventually the flow stopped, but even as it did, all eyes turned back to the doorway, expectantly.

There was a moment of silence, and then Ranma heard a familiar pok, pok, pok sound. It drew up to the door, and through it hopped a tiny figure perched atop a wooden cane.

She was, like Cologne, a shrunken old woman. Indeed, she seemed even more wrinkled, if such a thing were even possible. But Ranma's attention was arrested by the even more striking differences between the two. This woman no longer had a left arm, only a short stump barely extending from her shoulder. In addition, Ranma could tell from the way she moved that her left leg was heavily crippled, the knee joint damaged and immobile from some long-ago injury.

"Loofah!" Cologne's voice caused Ranma to glance over to where she was making her way to the other woman. "Welcome! I see you made good time."

The newcomer cackled. "There's a whole host of airport personnel who don't remember a thing about what they did yesterday, and even more passengers who must be irate that their plane never showed up. But given the urgency of the situation, I supposed that a little remote-control acupressure was justified."

Cologne gave a grim smile. "You were right. It's good to have you here."

"And what of me?" came a new voice from the direction of the doorway. "What words of welcome do you have for me, Cologne?"

At the sound of the new voice, a noticeable tension filled the room. Cologne slowly turned, facing the speaker. Ranma turned as well, and caught sight of who had provoked such a reaction. It was yet another old woman perched on a cane, but unlike Loofah, her face seemed to have slightly fewer wrinkles than Cologne's, rather than slightly more.

"Ah, Soap," Cologne remarked mildly. "Welcome to the Nekohanten. I see you have decided to take a rest from tearing down the traditions of our ancestors in order to lend us your aid... such as it is."

The latest crone gave a toothy grin. "Oh, indeed," she replied. "I am always willing to come and rescue a fellow Joketsuzoku from her plight... even one as stuck in the past as you."

Cologne's eyes flashed, and her battle aura began to rise. "You speak highly of your own abilities for one who has never once been able to best me in combat."

Soap's battle aura began to rise as well. "Well, there is a first time for everything, is there not?"

Ranma took a few hurried steps backward, as the two ancient master matched wills. Their battle auras were blazing around them, choking the air, grinding against each other as they struggled for dominance. Some of the younger Joketsuzoku began to crumple, sagging against their fellows, their legs unable to keep themselves standing under the pressure.

The contest continued. Cologne's form seemed to loom higher than her mere stature would allow, her eyes blazing with suppressed power. Ranma's throat was dry, his heart hammering in his chest, as he tried to think of some way to avert an impending catastrophe. But the bloodlust between the two continued to build, reaching such proportions that it seemed an all-out battle between the two was inevitable...

...and then, just when it seemed that it had reached the breaking point, Cologne's terrifying expression relaxed into a wan little half-smile, her battle aura fading. "Not half bad..." she allowed. "You've certainly kept up your training, even in my absence."

Soap's battle aura also faded. "Of course I have," the old woman cackled merrily. "I swore that one day I'd knock you off that pedestal of yours, big sister... and I still mean to do it."

A snort was Cologne's reply. "You're still a hundred years too young to be thinking of that, runt. Maybe after I'm dead and gone you can content yourself with dancing on my grave."

"Hah," shot back Soap. "You say that as though you don't plan to outlive everyone here. I doubt even Death herself would have the nerve to come for one as stubborn and contrary as you."

Ranma's jaw was left hanging open at the sudden turn of events. Finally collecting himself, he glanced around until he saw where Mousse was standing in the crowd. The pigtailed martial artist quickly maneuvered his way over to the hidden weapons master, and spoke in an undertone. "Hey... is all this for real? I mean, is she actually the old ghoul's--"

"Auntie Soap!" Shampoo's exclamation interrupted Ranma's question, even as it answered it. The excited girl pushed her way through the crowd, finally kneeling down to greet the aged woman face to face.

"Shampoo!" Soap said. "Let me look at you, child. You're doing well, I trust? The old goat hasn't been working you too hard, has she?"

"Is no problem for Shampoo," the girl insisted. "Shampoo is strong, and have Ranma's love for support."

"Ah yes, the lucky young groom..." Soap turned, her eyes sweeping across the room, finally settling on Ranma. "That would be you, I take it?"

"Um... yeah... I guess..." Ranma shifted uncomfortably, not sure of quite what to say in a situation like this. "Nice to meet ya."

He was saved from having to say anything further, however, as the assembly turned as one back toward the doorway, all conversation turning to silence. Ranma turned as well, wondering if yet another old woman was going to hop through it.

What did come through wasn't quite what he had been expecting. Four Joketsuzoku warriors, wearing matching uniforms and with matching swords strapped across their backs walked through the door. Between them, they bore a richly ornamented palanquin, which they carried to the center of the room before lowering it to the ground.

The scene remained frozen like that for another few seconds. Then, very slowly, the palanquin's curtain was drawn aside, revealing the sole occupant.

It was, indeed, another old woman, but of a much different nature than the ones who had preceded her. Loofah, Soap and Cologne were all old, to be sure, but they retained a feeling of energy about them that made it believable that they could perform the astonishing feats that Ranma knew they were capable of. This woman, however... Ranma couldn't even begin to guess how old she was.

She had a cane in one hand... but unlike the other elders, in her case she obviously did need it just to support herself. Her other arm held the palanquin curtain open, but it was so thin and frail that Ranma was almost afraid even that strain would prove too much. Only a few straggling strands of hair remained on her head, and her eyes were so dim and clouded that Ranma wondered how much vision she even had left.

As he watched, she stepped gingerly down to the floor, and began to hobble slowly toward them. All the Joketsuzoku dropped to their knees as she approached, leaving only Ranma uncomfortably upright. Cologne spoke from her kneeling position. "Welcome to Japan, Matriarch--and to our humble base of operations here."

"Thank you, Cologne," the Matriarch said, her voice warm and collected for all that it was weak and barely audible. "You have done us all honor with your incisive response to this crisis."

"There is much left to be done," responded Cologne, rising to her feet, followed soon after by the other Joketsuzoku. "And many recent developments that you should be aware of. The enemy has drastically stepped up their operations in this ward; their most recent foray was supported by one of Beryl's Generals in person."

A low murmur passed through the assembled warriors, but the Matriarch was unperturbed. "They are the foes we must defeat--sooner or later," she said simply. "Tell me, was his power as great as it was described?"

At that, a tiny, proud smile flitted across Cologne's face. "I cannot say, Matriarch," she answered, turning toward Ranma. "Since it was not I who beat him back. You would do better to ask this boy here."

"I see..." The Matriarch hobbled slowly over to stand in front of the pigtailed fighter, the crowd of Joketsuzoku parting to make way for her. Reaching him, she craned her neck up to look at his face. "May I ask to whom I am speaking? I would know the name of the warrior who has accomplished such a feat."

"Saotome Ranma, ma'am," was his uncomfortable response.

'Oh, of course," the Matriarch replied. "Shampoo's groom. Cologne has spoken very highly of you, young man, and from her that is rare indeed. Tell me, what was your appraisal of the General's strength?"

Ranma opened his mouth to give a typically cocky response... but found that the words stuck in his throat. Maybe it was the seriousness of the situation, maybe it was the quiet focus with which the Matriarch was looking at him, but when he finally answered it was with brutal honesty. "...he ain't someone I'd want to fight again. He's really tough, really fast, and he has all kinds of different powers."

Loofah spoke up. "What powers did you observe?"

"Well, he can fly, make energy shields, shoot all kinds of energy blasts...and he can grab you and smash you around without even needing to touch you. About the only way to beat that one is to keep him on the defensive, but even that's really nasty to manage what with all the ways he can move around. Oh, yeah, and he can flat-out teleport too."

"Formidable indeed..." the Matriarch said. Then a small smile crossed her face. "Nevertheless, there are counters to such things. We are not altogether unformidable ourselves."

Ranma's gaze shifted back and forth, looking at each of the four ancient masters in turn. "Yeah..." he said at length. "I can believe that."



**********



The day progressed onward, the Joketsuzoku contingent splitting off naturally into various groups as they milled around, a dozen different conversations going on at any given moment. Ranma couldn't pick out much, though, since in any conversation he wasn't directly a part of, the participants would switch back to Chinese.

Loofah had kept him busy for the first hour or so, pulling him away to grill him in more exacting detail on all his various confrontations with the Dark Kingdom--every ability, every tactic, everything he'd seen them do.

But after that, he'd just sort of... floated. He'd walked aimlessly through the room, from cluster of warrior women to cluster of warrior women, pondering whether he'd actually end up needing to take them on.

Shampoo had been conspicuously hanging on him for most of it; he hadn't quite had the heart to try and push her away in front of her entire tribe like this. Still, as soon as she'd gotten engrossed in a conversation with an old friend, he'd taken the opportunity to duck quietly away. The end result was that he was slouched at an out-of-the-way table in the corner of the room, watching the milling crowd with a vague sort of interest.

"Well, well, sonny. What are you doing sitting off here?"

Ranma turned, just in time to see Soap hop up onto the table, eyeing him speculatively. "I'd think a young man like you would be out there with his woman, enjoying himself."

"Err..." Ranma scratched the back of his head uncomfortably, unsure of how much he should actually tell Shampoo's great-great-aunt. "Well... It's... complicated, between us."

"Ah. I see." A small, sad smile flickered across Soap's face, so fleeting that Ranma almost thought he'd imagined it. "Well. One can never say how such things will turn out in the end, no? You're all still so young..."

Sure, from your point of view... thought Ranma, though in a rare display of mouth-control he managed not to say it aloud. Instead, he asked a question that had been bothering him since the elder had first been introduced. "Hey... When you and Cologne were arguing back there, what was all that stuff about you 'tearing down traditions'?"

Soap laughed. "Oh, that. That's the same thing we've been fighting about for... how many years has it been, now? At any rate, my sister and I simply have... different opinions... on how our laws should be applied."

"Different opinions? What do you mean?"

"She means..." Cologne said, as without warning she hopped up onto the table as well, on the side opposite Soap. "...that she would prefer to discard the teachings that have kept our tribe strong for untold generations for the sake of her sentimentality."

"My, my..." Soap shot back in mock-surprise, grinning cheekily as she did so. "It sounds as though someone is still upset about the decision in the matter with young Lotion.."

Cologne's lip twisted, and she leveled a finger at Soap. "That decision blatantly ignored any honest interpretation of the law, and you know it. If I'd been there to argue the matter in person, the Matriarch would never have gone along with you."

"The boy was scum, Cologne," responded Soap. "He already knew about the marriage law, and he specifically targeted Lotion because he knew he didn't have a chance against any of the more talented warriors."

"That's a risk every Joketsuzoku takes," was Cologne's impassive reply, although Ranma thought he detected a small wince buried deep in her eyes. "That's a risk you and I both took, just like her. It's a risk that should be there, to push us to be better than anyone who might try to do that. You cannot follow the path of the warrior if you are not willing to risk everything."

Ranma's eyebrows went up a little, suddenly very interested in this conversation. "So this 'Lotion' chick..." he said, trying his best to sound casual. "You're saying she got her marriage thing... canceled?"

"Not canceled." Cologne shook her head. "Thankfully, our standards haven't slipped so far that this degenerate could accomplish that. Her argument was that the law didn't even apply in Lotion's case to begin with. Go on, Soap. Do you want to regale the boy with the reasoning you used, or should I?"

Soap spread her arms wide, affecting an expression of innocence. "I simply pointed out that she wasn't beaten in a true duel. The laws don't apply in larger fights; a Joketsuzoku who went down in a battle between tribes wasn't required to marry the last person to strike her. It must be one-on-one for the laws to come into effect."

"Makes sense," said Ranma. "So... what? The jerk brought helpers with him to beat up the girl?"

Cologne snorted. "Hardly. That would have been a reasonable case. No, he came alone. He was secretly following a hunting party that Lotion was in and when he saw his chance, he shouted a challenge and attacked her. None of the other Joketsuzoku interfered in her fight... but he did shove one of them out of his way in order to get at Lotion faster. After he had shouted his challenge."

"There! You see?" said Soap, smiling. "A clear attack on one of the other Joketsuzoku after the fight had started. It wasn't a one-on-one, it was a two-on-one."

"Wow..." said Ranma, disbelievingly. "That sounds like something my pop would come up with. And you actually managed to make that stick?"

"Oh yes," grumbled Cologne. "My sister is quite silver-tongued, when she wishes to be."

"Man..." Ranma shook his head. "But still, if it got that girl off the hook, then it's a good thing, right?"

"It was an affront to everything the Joketsuzoku stand for," insisted Cologne, crossing her arms. "It was an excuse, designed to allow something our ancestors would never have permitted. It was a deliberate twisting of our sacred laws."

Soap smiled in a very self-satisfied way. "I prefer to think of it as a creative interpretation."

Ranma sighed. Well, so much for finding an easy answer to his Shampoo problem; he certainly hadn't had the good fortune to bump into any other Joketsuzoku on the way to the challenge log. Not that Soap would even be likely to try for an exception in his case.

Resignedly, he got to his feet. "Well, I gotta... uh... go see what Shampoo is up to," he said, making his excuse to leave the table. His interest in the conversation had waned, now that it was clear that it had no real applicability to his own situation.

And, more to the point, listening to the two venerable masters bicker like... well, siblings... was starting to seriously creep him out.



**********



"So what is your read of the situation?"

At the sound of the quiet voice, Loofah turned away from her observation of the Joketsuzoku warriors and met the Matriarch's gaze. "From what Shan Pu's husband has told me?" she said. "It doesn't look good."

"What chance do you think we have?"

"That depends on how much time there is before our foes feel confident enough to make a full-scale move," was Loofah's answer. "We can't face them head-on, not their full army. Their numbers are far too great, and our strength is... not what it once was."

In silence, the two women looked out across the throng of warriors milling through the room. They seemed so painfully young to those ancient eyes. Young and inexperienced, born into the modern era of relative peace between the surviving tribes. An era so unlike the hellish crucible that had forged their elders.

"They will learn," the Matriarch said, sadly. "They will learn what true war is. As we did."

"I only hope that they can learn fast enough," was Loofah's response. "Though, on the bright side, it seems that Ke Lun already has a plan for our first move that will allow us a tactical edge."

The Matriarch's eyebrows went up. "Really? What sort of plan?"

"Well, it's bizarre, no question. You see, she's going to use something her son-in-law is planning..."



**********



Ranma had returned to idly wandering between tables when--out of nowhere--Shampoo grabbed him by the arm and dragged him off to a secluded corner.

"Hey! Wha--!" The pigtailed fighter's protests were cut off as Shampoo put a finger to her lips, hushing him. After a moment, he continued in a quieter voice. "What's the big idea?"

"Now is perfect chance!" was Shampoo's reply. "Ranma is needing steal magic thing from great-grandmother collection, yes? We take now, while she busy talking with Auntie Soap."

"Oh. Good idea." Ranma glanced around, making sure no one was particularly watching them. "So... where does she keep the stuff?"

"Upstairs. Come!" With the young Joketsuzoku in the lead, the two of them hurried up the stairs to the second floor of the Nekohanten. "Ranma remember promise!" the girl said as they went up. "Must take Shampoo on date for helping like this!"

"Yeah, yeah, I remember," Ranma said, trying not to think of how his uncute fiancée would take that news. Ideally it would stay a secret and she would never even know... but somehow it never quite worked out that way, and Ranma wasn't really expecting this time to be any different.

Shampoo immediately went over to the door to her great-grandmother's room, easing it quietly open and slipping through. Ranma followed right behind her, carefully shutting the door as he went through.

By the time he reached where Shampoo was now kneeling, she had spread out a plethora of objects and trinkets all across the floor, all of which Ranma assumed were magical in some way. "Ranma see anything he like?" asked the girl, looking up at him.

"Huh. They're mostly kinda small..." Ranma said thoughtfully. "We need something pretty noticeable. Hey, what about that one?" He pointed at a good-sized bowl, laying off to one side, colored white, with images of an ox and a snake drawn into the side. "That might do the trick..."

Shampoo hesitated. "Ranma... sure it have to be that one?"

"I don't see anything else that would work how we want," was Ranma's answer. "Why? Is there a problem with that one?"

"That very important Joketsuzoku treasure, passed down for many generation!" replied Shampoo heatedly. "Legendary Bowl of Ox and Snake, very precious!"

Ranma blanched. And considering what they would need to do with whatever magic item they used to pull this off... Crap! he thought. Why can't these things ever be simple?

Still, priceless historical treasure or not, it was their necks on the line here, and he didn't know where else he could find a magic artifact that would work so well. The only problem was Shampoo. A single shout from her could spoil the whole thing, bringing all the Joketsuzoku downstairs... and the thought of what all those masters would do to him if they caught him trying to steal something as valuable as this fairly curdled his blood.

"Er... it can't be that important... can it?" Ranma asked hopefully.

"Is one of most important thing there is in tribe!" asserted Shampoo, even more forcefully this time, determination blazing in her eyes. "Is no way Shampoo letting Ranma destroy precious and not-replaceable part of Joketsuzoku history and culture for any less than six dates!"

Ranma almost collapsed in relief. Then--after reflexively checking behind himself to make sure there were no mallet-happy tomboys there--he leaned in a spoke in an undertone. "How about three dates? Three dates ought to be plenty, right?"

The girl snorted. "Ranma think Shampoo stupid? Out of goodness of heart, and love for Airen, Shampoo go down to five dates. Final offer."

"Aw, come on, Shampoo," Ranma wheedled. "Cut me some slack here. Four and a half."

Shampoo frowned, eyeing Ranma suspiciously. "...what is 'half-date'?"

The pigtailed fighter shrugged, offering her an enigmatic smile. "If you want to find out, I guess you gotta go on one."

The silence between them stretched on for second after second, until at last Shampoo nodded. "Four and half. Is deal."

Ranma let out a breath that he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "Thanks!" he said, snatching up the bowl before Shampoo could change her mind. "I'll run this back to the clinic right away!"

He then proceeded to stuff the magical item under his shirt, and made for one of the room's windows. Opening it, he jumped through, bypassing the danger-laden lower floor entirely, landing on the street outside the restaurant.

Perfect, he thought, as he raced back with his purloined prize. Everything's coming together.

Now I just need to figure out what a "half-date" is...



**********



Cologne was still locked in verbal combat with her sister when she noticed Shampoo coming back down the stairs--without any sign of Ranma, who had accompanied her up. Immediately, her great-granddaughter came over to their table.

"Ranma has left to go back to Doctor Tofu's clinic," she informed the two old masters, her broken speech vanishing as she switched to her native tongue. "I think that he saw everything he wanted to see of us."

"Good, good," replied Cologne. "Did you make sure that he got the magic item that he needs for that plan of his?"

A smile spread across Shampoo's face. "Oh yes, I made very sure of that. He picked the one you expected him to pick, given that selection."

Soap cocked an eyebrow. "What's all this about?"

"Just something that my son-in-law is doing, which we will also use to our own benefit," explained Cologne. "He needed a magical item to make it work, but he doesn't know we know what he's planning, and he probably wouldn't trust a gift from us in any case. So he 'stole' it instead. Do you remember that bowl I had with the Ox and the Snake on it?"

"That worthless old thing?" asked Soap, both her eyebrows shooting up in surprise. "I thought you'd gotten rid of that decades ago!"

Cologne shook her head. "No, it had just a bit too much sentimental value. Fortunately so, as it turns out, since it's just what son-in-law needs to pull off his scheme."

"Ranma certainly seemed happy with it," put in Shampoo. Then she addressed Cologne directly. "Great-grandmother, now that Ranma is gone, may I leave for a little bit too? There are a few things I want to pick up from the costume shop."

"Costume shop?" asked Cologne. "Is this part of son-in-law's plan as well?"

"Not... exactly," was Shampoo's response, a coy little grin playing around her features. "It's just a little idea I had, as a safeguard in case something goes wrong."

Cologne shrugged. "Very well. If you think it will help." She watched Shampoo turn to leave, then after a few moments called out after her retreating figure. "And make sure you use this opportunity to spend some more time winning son-in-law over! Don't forget, you have an absolute duty to uphold the laws of our people!"

"I know!" was the response Shampoo tossed cheerfully back.

In seconds she had vanished out the door. Cologne turned back to Soap... only to see that the other woman was watching her with a concerned expression. "What?" Cologne asked, a little defensively.

"Nothing," said Soap. "I was just wondering whether that last bit about the laws was really because you felt Shampoo needed to be reminded of it... or because you felt you needed to be reminded of it."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Cologne said curtly. "At any rate, I should speak with the Matriarch. There is still much that needs to be prepared for the coming conflict."

But Soap was not dissuaded so easily. "What's wrong, Cologne?" she asked. "We've always argued about the place our laws have in the modern world, but you're not usually this... pedantic... about the issue. Is there something that's troubling you?"

Cologne's face darkened slightly. The question brought other worries to mind, worries that she had largely been ignoring. She had told herself that the Dark Kingdom was the more pressing matter... but in truth, she did not want to dwell unnecessarily on what might result from the other, more personal problem that obedience to her laws would force on her in this situation.

"I must speak with the Matriarch," Cologne repeated once more, hopping away from the table before her sister could get another word in. "There is much that remains to be done... and one way or another, the times ahead will be dark indeed."



**********



The morning passed into afternoon, and the afternoon into evening, the warriors of the Joketsuzoku coming and going on the various tasks assigned to them by the elders. Eventually night fell, and the small army began to search for places to bunk down. Many packed themselves into the Nekohanten, while others headed out to camp in various parks scattered across the ward.

The four elders were not preparing for sleep, however. They were preparing for something much rarer and graver.

Cologne, Soap, Loofah and the Matriarch all sat at a small table in a room of the Nekohanten. They were arranged in the traditional order of the Council. Loofah, holding the seat of the Warrior, sat at the Matriarch's right, while Soap, holding the seat of the Healer, sat at her left. Cologne, holding the seat of the Sage, sat facing the leader of their tribe.

All doors to the room had been locked, all windows sealed and covered. No one save those inside would see what went on here. The resulting darkness was not helping Cologne's state of mind any, however, providing just that much more fertile ground for her own personal doubts to fester in.

A large black box, heavy and ornate, lay in the center of the table. With silent gravity, the Matriarch took hold of a cord that she wore around her neck like a necklace, pulling it over her head. The action pulled up the part that had been hidden beneath her garment, revealing an ancient key tied to the cord, passed down in their tribe through the generations.

Taking the key in her hands, the Matriarch inserted it into a matching lock on the box and turned it. There was a loud click, and then Cologne helped the Matriarch lift the top of the box and set it aside, revealing what was underneath.

It was a small, disc-shaped object, clean and metallic. Its smooth surface was unblemished, save for a small inset panel in the center, and a large square button on the side facing the Matriarch.

All four women bowed their heads. "We have come seeking wisdom that we do not possess," the Matriarch recited. "We have come for knowledge and guidance. Please listen to our plea." Then she reached forward and gave the button a gentle press.

The button flickered to life at her touch, beginning to glow bluish-white. At the same time, the center panel slid open, revealing a small lens beneath it. A glow began to build there too, brighter and brighter, pulsing with the power of an ancient technology that far outstripped anything of this era. Then, at last, an image appeared in the air above the artifact, that of a woman's head and upper body.

Her face was bloody; she had taken an impact of some kind to the left side of her head, mangling it. She was bent over, breathing hard, and Cologne suspected that with those kind of injuries she had been only keeping herself going by sheer willpower.

"I..." the image doubled over in a coughing fit--wet coughs that told Cologne's experienced ears that she was coughing up blood. "I don't have much time. I don't have nearly enough time to say everything I want to tell you, everything I need to tell you. The city is... falling apart. Almost everyone else here is dead. Beryl is defeated, but the damage is already far too severe. I don't even think we'll have life support much longer."

Then, despite the horrible pain she had to have been in, the woman's face took on a smile of pure joy. "But somehow, you survived," she said. "My dear, dear little ones. I thought you'd been killed, but..." Another coughing fit cut off the sentence, and it was some time before the recording spoke again.

"I managed to salvage one of the transport pods, and I repaired as much of the damage as I could. I'm sending you both to the Earth. It's the only way. I don't know what you'll find down there, but it's... the only thing I can do for you now. I... I just wish..."

Her voice trailed off, and then she shook her head. "But I can't. I'm so sorry that I can't be there for you. The most I can give you is this A.I. matrix. It has access to all my memories, all my knowledge. I pray that it will allow me to guide you, even after I am no longer by your side. Ask of it any questions you have, and it will answer as best as it can."

There was a brief, reverential pause, and then the Matriarch spoke. "Honored Altine," she said, already knowing the woman's name from previous questions, passed down through the generations. "We would ask of the ones who brought this catastrophe upon you. We would ask of the Dark Kingdom, of Beryl, and of Metallia. By what means were they defeated in the end?"

That question was Cologne's. Proper decorum dictated that only the current Matriarch address the artifact directly. The other elders had decided beforehand what questions needed to be asked, and given the aggregate to their leader. In this case it was a question that they already knew the basic answer to, but Cologne had felt it worthwhile to see if any further details could be gleaned.

The hologram of Altine was not long in responding. "Against something of that power, it could only have been the Queen," the woman's image said. "She must have intervened using the Ginzuisho. One moment Metallia was blanketing the sky, and the next..." She shook her head. "It looked like a spell of sealing, but the power and scale were... beyond all imagining."

"But could such a seal weaken?" asked the Matriarch gravely. "Could the demoness escape once more, even from that?"

"I do not know," the hologram answered. "The Queen's magic was powerful... but even the strongest of prison bars may be worn down with enough time, and Metallia was an entity of comparable power."

The Matriarch nodded. "And if that happened... is there anyone else who could face that evil? Any other force that could be brought to bear against her?" That question was Soap's, asked on the off-chance that there were still some allies of the Moon Kingdom out there that could be contacted, or some ancient weapon that could somehow be utilized in their battle plan.

But no such luck. "I know of none," Altine's image said. "The Queen could not have survived such an act. If the Princess were still alive, it might also be possible for her to harness the power of the Ginzuisho and confront Metallia, but the palace was the main focus of the enemy's attack, and I was unable to contact anyone there afterward."

"What was the composition of Metallia's forces when they attacked you?" asked the Matriarch, giving voice to one of Loofah's questions this time. "And what tactics were employed?"

"I could not see much of the battle from my position," was the A.I.'s response. "Beryl and her Generals led the push, along with human forces from Earth. Metallia's monsters were attacking as well, led by the Eight Great Youma. Metallia herself only appeared later in the battle, after they had broken through our lines and taken down the city's defensive wards." The mention of the youma caused Cologne to frown, reminding her once again of the other problem she faced.

She listened as the Matriarch continued to ask questions, but only with half an ear. What is the right course of action here? she asked herself. The safest is unquestionably to kill the youma--it's an evil creature, only a source of potential treachery. That is why such laws exist.

And yet she still found herself ill at ease. Her doubts would not go away... nor would the knowledge of what following the laws could do to the bonds between herself, her son-in-law, and her great-granddaughter.

At length, the room became silent, and Cologne realized with a start that the Matriarch had asked the final question that they had previously agreed on. The consultation was almost over.

Cologne bowed her head, but inside her uncertainty was still as fierce as ever. At length, the hologram spoke up. "Was there anything else you wished to ask?"

There was one more thing, but Cologne had not suggested it to the others. It was an absurd question, one that would have made her ashamed to even admit entertaining. And yet it gnawed at her.

"There is nothing more we wish to ask." The Matriarch was now finishing up the ceremony. "Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us, honored Altine."

The hologram closed its eyes. "Then--"

"Wait!" All eyes turned to look at Cologne, all eyebrows shooting up in shock at the breach of protocol. Cologne cursed herself, but the die was cast, and she could only move forward. "I have one more question. Have you ever heard of a youma abandoning the service of the Dark Kingdom?"

In contrast with the faces of the elders, the hologram's bloody features showed no sign that it considered this an odd request. "I have never heard of such a thing happening, nor do I know whether or not such a thing is possible," it said. Then it paused. "However... the Queen always strove in all things to redeem evil when possible, rather than destroy it. I think she would have hoped such a thing could happen."

Cologne grimaced a little. As expected, there was no definite answer there, not for which course of action she should take. She bowed her head. "Thank you, honored Altine. I have no more questions to ask."

"Then I pray that my knowledge serves you well," the hologram said, slipping out of the question-and-answer mode, and back into the actual recording of the now-millennia-dead woman. "And... I am so sorry that I could not give you more, except this one chance at life. I hope that you become fine, strong women in this new world that you are going to. And... whatever happens..."

Altine's voice broke again. This time, however, Cologne knew that it was not due to her injuries, nor were the tears running down her face caused by any physical pain. "Whatever happens... my precious daughters... I want you to know that I love you both. I love you so very, very much. Never forget that."

With that, the image reached down, and appeared to manipulate some control that could not be seen in the recording. The hologram flickered briefly, then vanished, and with a soft whir the small panel slid back to cover the lens, returning the artifact to its inert state.

Silence fell. Cologne looked back and forth at the other elders, their solemn faces mirroring her own, as they each reflected on the desperate act of devotion that had brought this small piece of the Silver Millennium to Earth--to them.

She wondered, not for the first time, how those early Joketsuzoku had felt, when they found the ancient device for the first time. No doubt they had considered the incredible technology magic, perhaps a gift from the gods, and had learned much from it. But Cologne did not consider that sufficient explanation for the importance it had taken on for her people. More powerful even than the knowledge it contained was what it recorded: a sacred bond from mother to daughter, one that those Joketsuzoku had felt compelled to take up, to keep alive.

There was, Cologne knew, even a legend among her tribe that they were the actual descendants of Altine. It was a testament to the effect that the story had on them, that they would want to believe themselves a part of it so badly.

But it flew in the face of the truth. When those ancient Joketsuzoku had first found the artifact, it was not the only thing they had taken from the shattered wreckage of the strange craft embedded deep in a mountain. Even today, back in China, in their most sacred shrine, lay the two small skeletons that had been found there as well.

For their sake, Cologne thought, her hands tightening on her cane. For their sake, we cannot allow this to happen again. Metallia could attack however she pleased. But thanks to this warning, thanks to this expression of a mother's love carried across the ages, she would find the Joketsuzoku waiting to oppose her when she did.



**********



Once the consultation had concluded--and she had apologized to the Matriarch for her rudeness--Cologne broke away from the other elders, wandering off to be alone with her thoughts. Soon she had exited the Nekohanten entirely, standing out in the silent, deserted street.

Isn't wisdom supposed to come with age? she asked herself bitterly. Profound, inscrutable wisdom? That was how my elders always seemed to me. But I do not feel wise right now. I only feel old.

"Ke Lun."

Suppressing a sigh, Cologne turned to find Soap standing there. "I suppose I should have expected this."

"Well it isn't everyday that you break Council decorum in such a dramatic way," observed her sister. "Though considering the situation that your son-in-law has put you in, it's certainly understandable."

"So Shampoo told you about that, did she?" Cologne shook her head. The question she'd asked of the artifact hadn't been one she could have defended in advance, but it had been a question she'd needed to ask all the same. She'd wanted to know to what extent Ranma really was deluding himself with his idealistic aims, but instead all she had been given was more ambiguity.

"I admit..." Cologne said at length. "I had hoped that the... situation... would resolve itself better than this. I expected that the youma's true nature and intentions would surface, and that the boy would recognize what had to be done."

"Perhaps..." Her sister was looking intently at her, with eyes that knew her far too well. "But I think you knew from the beginning that it might not happen that way." She paused, and then continued. "Is that why you also asked us to bring--"

"Enough!" Cologne snapped. This was not a conversation she wanted to have right now. "That request was... simply a precaution of mine, nothing more. I have no real intention of using it."

"I see..." Soap's expression was one of studied neutrality. "Well, whatever your plans, big sister... I believe that you'll do the right thing in the end."

Cologne let out a harsh laugh, turning away. "You place far too much faith in the goodness of other people, little sister," she said, a hint of bitterness creeping into her voice. "You always have. Especially me."

"Perhaps so..." allowed Soap, quietly. "But I still believe it nonetheless."

[Fellow Sufferer]

Tension eases up a bit, or becomes a little more subtle in this chapter. Don't know if it's good or bad. Interesting, I guess.

My nitpicks so far:

"Loofah!" Cologne's voice caused Ranma to glance over to where she was making her way to the other woman. "Welcome! I see you made good time."

So, I guess that Cologne started this discussion by speaking Japaneese, but not one of her fellow old crones wondered why didn't she use her native language? They just "went with the flow"? And do they all know Japaneese so well?

Next:

"Shampoo!" Mousse dropped to his knees before the Shampoo-blur. "My love, there is something of the utmost importance I must tell you. I reached a decision last night. When I first joined Saotome, it was only because your great-grandmother forced me to act as a spy. I didn't want to help him, and I was planning to take the first opportunity I could to get rid of him in the process."

and

Soap cocked an eyebrow. "What's all this about?"

"Just something that my son-in-law is doing, which we will also use to our own benefit," explained Cologne. "He needed a magical item to make it work, but he doesn't know we know what he's planning, and he probably wouldn't trust a gift from us in any case. So he 'stole' it instead. Do you remember that bowl I had with the Ox and the Snake on it?"

Mousse tells Ranma that he spied on them for Cologne. Moreover, even if she didn't hear that confession, Cologne's already ascertained that Mousse is a double-spy, and did tell Ranma of the Joketsuzoku's arrival. So, why didn't Ranma react to that revelation in any way (he's that good of an actor?), and why Cologne assumes that Mousee hadn't told Ranma anything else? It seems that Shampoo does report to her too - how much?

[Pusakuronu]

In my opinion, this chapter is a bit heavy on the exposition. It introduces a few new characters and gives some background information about how the Amazons know about what is going on, but, to be completely frank, there is nothing happening that's gripping or looking as if it was significantly advancing the plot (aside from Ranma getting his trinket). The lack of the Dark Kingdom's or the senshi's perspective on things isn't helping, either. I'd say this is the weakest chapter up to now. It could do with some additional conflict, or at least some more comedic elements to break up the big block of Amazon focus.

However, I'm also biased in that I find the Amazons the least interesting faction in the story, so take what I'm saying with a grain of salt.

[claymade]

Thanks much for all the suggestions!

So, I guess that Cologne started this discussion by speaking Japaneese, but not one of her fellow old crones wondered why didn't she use her native language? They just "went with the flow"?

Pretty much. Also, they do know that they're in Japan, so I suppose they might have inferred why Cologne might need to use it.

I guess I could have one of them comment on it, if it were too jarring, but... I don't know... it seems like it would kinda break the flow of the introductions. Do you think that would have taken you out of the story more or less than having them just go with her the way they did?

And do they all know Japaneese so well?

They do in this story. In defense, I assume that Cologne's "haven't lived a hundred years for nothing" explanation when she was asked the same question applies to them as well.

So, why didn't Ranma react to that revelation in any way (he's that good of an actor?)...

Regardless of how good an actor he is or isn't, it's very easy to keep a poker face when all the other guy can see of you is a blurry outline that he can't even tell from his girlfriend.

...and why Cologne assumes that Mousee hadn't told Ranma anything else?

Good point, it might be clearer if I gave some of those lines to Shampoo, since she knows more personally that Ranma doesn't know that Cologne knows. (And probably told Cologne whilst working this exchange out, which is how Cologne does know here, though that should definitely be made clearer.)

It seems that Shampoo does report to her too - how much?

Not so much reporting to her. Cologne tapped her because she wanted to use her to give the item to Ranma--and they worked that whole exchange out, telling each other the necessary things for that--but she doesn't report to her on Ranma as a standard practice. I'll see if I can explicate that a little clearer in the actual dialogue itself. Thanks!

In my opinion, this chapter is a bit heavy on the exposition. It introduces a few new characters and gives some background information about how the Amazons know about what is going on, but, to be completely frank, there is nothing happening that's gripping or looking as if it was significantly advancing the plot (aside from Ranma getting his trinket). The lack of the Dark Kingdom's or the senshi's perspective on things isn't helping, either. I'd say this is the weakest chapter up to now. It could do with some additional conflict, or at least some more comedic elements to break up the big block of Amazon focus.

Hmmm... I suppose I could stick a Senshi or Dark Kingdom scene in between the second timeskip, after Ranma's left but before they consult the artifact. The only trick is what to show. The Amazons needed to have arrived and be ready to roll before Ranma can kick the next big chain of events off, so I'm limited in how much I can really advance their plots either until that's taken care of. As such, it'd probably just be more a character piece than anything else.

Are there any character elements out of either of those other two factions that you're interested in seeing explored with respect to what's going on at present? Any questions or interactions I haven't hit yet that you'd like to see addressed? I'll try to think of something to put in that slot, and if I can think of anything I'll post it here as an addendum.

[Pusakuronu]

Are there any character elements out of either of those other two factions that you're interested in seeing explored with respect to what's going on at present? Any questions or interactions I haven't hit yet that you'd like to see addressed? I'll try to think of something to put in that slot, and if I can think of anything I'll post it here as an addendum.

There's nothing that particularly stands out. It doesn't really have to be someone from the opposing factions - the thoughts of Ryouga or maybe Akane or Ukyou, or even Genma would do fine. Or maybe a piece on what Beryl is thinking - provided that she knows more than she is letting on. Metallia is probably not yet active enough to be aware, or even thinking anything. I bet her perspective on things would be quite unique, though. A glimpse at the Darkmistress', Jadeite's, or the senshi's planning for their next move would be great, too. Or possibly Luna racking her brain to see whether she can reconcile what remains of her memories with what's happening right now.

[Cheb]

It's a nice change to see Amazon elders who are persons, not some über fanatic cardboard cut-outs.
An excellent chapter!

[Fellow Sufferer]

Pretty much. Also, they do know that they're in Japan, so I suppose they might have inferred why Cologne might need to use it.

I guess I could have one of them comment on it, if it were too jarring, but... I don't know... it seems like it would kinda break the flow of the introductions. Do you think that would have taken you out of the story more or less than having them just go with her the way they did?

I think that if Loofah'd have glanced at Ranma at Cologne's use of Japaneese and nodded in understanding, or something to that effect, that would've been enough.

Regardless of how good an actor he is or isn't, it's very easy to keep a poker face when all the other guy can see of you is a blurry outline that he can't even tell from his girlfriend. :wink

But we're given no reaction to this at all outside of his usual exasperation with Mousse's antics. And this was no small revelation. This whole encounter (starting with Cologne detecting him) should've triggered many alarm bells in his head. To what extent his plan has been compromised? To what extent can he trust Mousse and Shampoo? If Cologne is seemingly willing to let them get away with their plans, then what is her game exactly? Leaving, he should've been wracking his brain on these subjects, not thinking about half-dates and whatnot.

[PCHeintz72]

Finally got to reading this... I've tried to start reading it about 5 times today, each interrupted. In any case, here are some thoughts. They may have already been mentioned by other posters... I did not have the chance to read the posts to see though.

"This isn't anything esoteric," he told her. "Just simple first aid. But it's the basics on which everything else is built. Read this, and it should be enough to give you a start. And if you have any questions about anything you read, don't hesitate to ask me."
"Thank you..." the youma said as she accepted the book, gazing long and its plain tan cover. Then, taking a deep breath, she opened it and began to read.

Hmmm... raises the question... Can Dark Kingdom youma read and understand Japanese enough to understand a book on medicine and first aid?

They were coming down the street, not in any specific formation, but moving with obvious coordination nonetheless. A large throng of women, all different ages and builds, armed to the teeth with all kinds of weapons. Swords, staves, bows, spears, maces, throwing knives, and even a few custom designs that Ranma had never seen before. An exact count was difficult, but he guessed that there had to be at least two hundred of them.

Ummm... so a couple hundred openly armed foreign women are walking down a Japanese street... and no police or military was called to stop them?

"Um... yeah... I guess..." Ranma shifted uncomfortably, not sure of quite what to say in a situation like this. "Nice to meet ya."

He has a right to be nervous... considering his past interactions with members of the tribe, saying 'nice to meet you' might well be a declaration of the return to the true original definition of neighbor and start a blood feud...

More to the point though... what are the Sailor Senshi going to think... unpon seeing a couple hundred fighters backing up Ranma's third side in the fight...

Now I just need to figure out what a "half-date" is...

That conversation and bartering... were I Ranma, and knowing not only what the stakes are, but that Shampoo does as well... I would think he would be quite put out with her.

and Metallia was an entity of comparable power."

should it not be instead incomparable?

She wondered, not for the first time, how those early Joketsuzoku had felt, when they found the ancient device for the first time. No doubt they had considered the incredible technology magic, perhaps a gift from the gods, and had learned much from it. But Cologne did not consider that sufficient explanation for the importance it had taken on for her people. More powerful even than the knowledge it contained was what it recorded: a sacred bond from mother to daughter, one that those Joketsuzoku had felt compelled to take up, to keep alive

She raises a good point, but another occurs to me... a common theme when I see old AI's in Anime/Manga fanfiction. Language drift. Nothing is mentioned about accent, dialect, or it being a outdated mode of speech, unless I missed it.


Overall pretty good... but a interrim non-action chapter... look forward to more.

[Spokavriel]

Here are the couple things I caught.

"Thank you..." the youma said as she accepted the book, gazing long and its plain tan cover. Then, taking a deep breath, she opened it and began to read.

I think you used an and where you meant to use at.

A single shout from her could spoil the whole thing, bringing all the Joketsuzoku downstairs...

They left the Joketsuzoku Downstairs. Might want to rethink how that is stated.

I haven't read all the comments yet. But I did catch the mention of character moments. You don't really have much in the way of character moments for the senshi at all in this story yet. Maybe if you used both time skips for things like that. Say the Senshi aren't together and a couple of them have something happen in the first time skip to help define how they are in this fic and perhaps a classic Usagi snack heist or clutz out in the second. This chapter does all it needs on the Ranma side, The Dark Kingdom side is reasonably well defined and primed. But the Senshi side could use a bit more time on stage.

[claymade]

There's nothing that particularly stands out. It doesn't really have to be someone from the opposing factions - the thoughts of Ryouga or maybe Akane or Ukyou, or even Genma would do fine. Or maybe a piece on what Beryl is thinking - provided that she knows more than she is letting on. Metallia is probably not yet active enough to be aware, or even thinking anything. I bet her perspective on things would be quite unique, though. A glimpse at the Darkmistress', Jadeite's, or the senshi's planning for their next move would be great, too. Or possibly Luna racking her brain to see whether she can reconcile what remains of her memories with what's happening right now.

Ooh, ooh, I think you've just given me an idea for a scene or two, comprising a plot element that I can pull back from later chapters into this one, and I think makes even more sense here. I'll get those worked up, and then post them onto this thread. Thanks!

It's a nice change to see Amazon elders who are persons, not some über fanatic cardboard cut-outs.
An excellent chapter!

Thanks much, glad you liked it!

I think that if Loofah'd have glanced at Ranma at Cologne's use of Japaneese and nodded in understanding, or something to that effect, that would've been enough.

Hmm... Well, I'll try to work something like that in, if there's a good place for it. Thanks!

But we're given no reaction to this at all outside of his usual exasperation with Mousse's antics. And this was no small revelation. This whole encounter (starting with Cologne detecting him) should've triggered many alarm bells in his head. To what extent his plan has been compromised? To what extent can he trust Mousse and Shampoo? If Cologne is seemingly willing to let them get away with their plans, then what is her game exactly? Leaving, he should've been wracking his brain on these subjects, not thinking about half-dates and whatnot.

Actually, I think he's got at least as much reason to trust Mousse now, if not more; Mousse's blind confession to "Shampoo" about how he was going to honestly support Ranma is more telling evidence than any assurance that he could have ever given Ranma to his face, knowing who he was talking to. And there's no extra reason at this point to suppose Shampoo is feeding info to Cologne--less, actually, since Mousse implies by telling her that she didn't know any of this.

I might also replace "act as a spy" in his confession with "keep an eye on Beneda" or something like that. One, because that was what she originally asked him to, and the telling of Ranma's plans happened only incidentally, as part of their argument over Beneda. And two because it'd be extra help for Ranma not to make the connection that Cologne could know the details of what he's planning.

Hmmm... raises the question... Can Dark Kingdom youma read and understand Japanese enough to understand a book on medicine and first aid?

Well, they can obviously speak it, and the ones sent out here can function in normal society whilst disguised, so I don't think it's too shaky a conjecture to make...

Ummm... so a couple hundred openly armed foreign women are walking down a Japanese street... and no police or military was called to stop them?

Well, they never went after the giant rampaging Minotaur either...

Plus, they probably made their way their in smaller groups, and only joined up right near their destination.

should it not be instead incomparable?

Actually, comparable was what I meant. As in, comparable to the Queen who imprisoned her.

She raises a good point, but another occurs to me... a common theme when I see old AI's in Anime/Manga fanfiction. Language drift. Nothing is mentioned about accent, dialect, or it being a outdated mode of speech, unless I missed it.

Argh. This was the one I fought over, but wasn't satisfied with. The A.I. should be speaking the language of the Moon Kingdom, which the ancient Joketsuzoku learned themselves through interacting with it, and then passed it down. I tried several different ways to convey that, but I just wasn't satisfied with any of them that I felt didn't either break the flow of the scene, or tell too much information to early in the scene.

So I decided to just not mention it for this chapter--hope nobody noticed right away--and then work the actual explanation into a subsequent chapter as quickly as I could. Eheh.

Overall pretty good... but a interrim non-action chapter... look forward to more.

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it!

I think you used an and where you meant to use at.

Ah, nice catch! Thanks!

They left the Joketsuzoku Downstairs. Might want to rethink how that is stated.

Okay, I'll fiddle with that a bit, try to make it clearer.

I haven't read all the comments yet. But I did catch the mention of character moments. You don't really have much in the way of character moments for the senshi at all in this story yet. Maybe if you used both time skips for things like that. Say the Senshi aren't together and a couple of them have something happen in the first time skip to help define how they are in this fic and perhaps a classic Usagi snack heist or clutz out in the second. This chapter does all it needs on the Ranma side, The Dark Kingdom side is reasonably well defined and primed. But the Senshi side could use a bit more time on stage.

I think you're right in general... although I think that for this chapter, there is one more Dark Kingdom thing that will work a lot better coming out here than where I'd originally had it, so that's probably where the extra scene(s) will be spent.

[claymade]

Okay, so I ended up playing around with a couple different varations for the extra scenes, though they all more or less express the same basic ideas. These are the ones that I'm kinda leaning toward as things stand right now:

First one will go just before the scene with them consulting the artifact, and the second will be appended to the end of the chapter as the new final scene.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Marceat stood on the high catwalk, her scaly hands resting on the railing, her snake-like eyes looking down with satisfaction at the teeming mass of her fellow youma that covered the warehouse floor beneath her like a living carpet. They had packed this building to its utmost capacity... and this was only the first warehouse. Her master Jadeite was taking no half-measures.

A shiver of electric anxiousness ran through her at the thought of the power that was contained here, power that Jadeite had charged her with overseeing. And--knowing what the penalty for failure on such a grand scale would be--she was determined not to do so.

She had thrown everything she had into the undertaking. She had studied the dossier of every youma chosen for this offensive, had grouped them into units based on the compatibility of their powers, had even come up with various strategies that the different teams could employ, depending on what manner of opposition they faced. Even menial tasks--such as the spells that shielded these buildings from any prying eyes or listening ears--she had overseen herself.

They were ready. In her excitement, Marceat's fingers dug deep into the metal railing she was holding onto, her grip twisting it. She had finally, finally been assigned a great task... and she had carried it out to perfection.

"My sisters!" she called down to the youma below. As one, they craned their necks to look up at her as she continued to speak. "Are you ready to crush the enemies of the Dark Kingdom?"

The resulting roar, exploding from the throats of hundreds upon hundreds of youma, felt almost as though it might deafen Marceat. She smiled, looking out over the sea of upraised fists.

She could barely wait for this force to be unleashed on the poor fools it had been created to destroy.



**********



Meanwhile, far away from the Nekohanten, a cloaked figure launched itself silently through the night air, landing in a crouch atop one of the warehouses where Jadeite's forces were assembling.

The figure placed its hand gently on the rooftop, and bowed its head in concentration. There was silence for a few moments. Then it let out a tiny chuckle, its voice revealing it as a man.

"Ahhh, at last..." he said. "So this is what our dear comrade Jadeite has been up to..."

He then rose to his feet, and vanished without a trace in a flurry of pink sakura petals.

[AdmiralTigerclaw]

Extra scenes need work.

Right now they're a bit too obvious that they were stuck in due to rather skeletal nature. It might work to embellish or expand the sequences to match the established depth of the other scenes.

And that false mystery air with Zoicite is in some serious need of re-writing. Pretending to be mysterious but then throwing in dead obvious clues such as signature teleport styles doesn't add edge, it just makes it sound corny.

In fact, it might be good to layer Zoicite around the youma warehouse scene so as to make it feel more complete. A little zoicite in the begining, a little at the end.

If you want to go for REALLY developed, you can throw in some indirect hints during the youma warehouse sequence that Zoicite is nearby. And I don't mean someone noticing something/someone out of the ordinary, but subtle descriptions of sound or visuals in the setting... seemingly odd bits of extra detail. Nothing telling, but once you pull a reveal, hindsight picks up the hints and goes 'OH!'



**Minor example:

In a scene where someone was recently in a bed but has quickly hidden themselves and made it look like they'd left a while ago. You may desire to hint that they are in the room, without making it obvious to the reader until after the fact. You might have a person enter the room to investigate, where they might notice the well made bed...
If you word this as: 'the warm sheets on the well made bed' from the perspective of the person investigating.
The 'warm' indicates recent occupation, where as the readers are drawn to the obvious. 'well made bed' in a kind of misdirection/slight of hand with prose.
The thing to ensure when pulling such a slight of hand is not to draw undue attention to something you're describing by being overly flamboyant with the description. Dwelling on an object in description is the written equivilant to a tight camera zoom in on the object and screams to the reader 'There's something important about this!' If you want to pull it off, make sure it it flows in and out of the train of thought going in the text. Don't jump to it at random unless it's buried in a list, don't focus on it.

[Pusakuronu]

Well, I like the additions, and having read them in context on FF.net, can say that they serve their purpose well. They do increase the background threat level quite nicely, and the final, short one raises anticipation to see what will go wrong for the Darkmistress/Jadeite now.

[claymade]

Right now they're a bit too obvious that they were stuck in due to rather skeletal nature. It might work to embellish or expand the sequences to match the established depth of the other scenes.

Thanks for the suggestion! Any particular details that you felt were missing?

And that false mystery air with Zoicite is in some serious need of re-writing. Pretending to be mysterious but then throwing in dead obvious clues such as signature teleport styles doesn't add edge, it just makes it sound corny.

Well, in this case, I really actually don't want to leave any doubt in the readers' minds by the end that this is, without question, Zoiscite--that's just information I want them to be certain of in terms of how they view future events. So if I do need to have a "solid" reveal by the end, are you saying that it therefore shouldn't be mysterious to begin with if it's going to be revealed, or that it should be just flatly revealed as him, not through a telltale sign?

In fact, it might be good to layer Zoicite around the youma warehouse scene so as to make it feel more complete. A little zoicite in the begining, a little at the end.

That was one of the approaches I considered; having a youma doing stuff relatively inconspicuously in the first scene, and then in the second scene it turns out it was Zoiscite in one of his disguises. Didn't like the effect it had on the first scene, though, since I felt it diluted the focus on the "Ranma & co. are screwed" aspect of it, and I felt that that was more important to hit. (In line with what Fellow Sufferer said in his first post about the tension easing up a bit; I realized I didn't want that to be quite so much the case.)

Well, I like the additions, and having read them in context on FF.net, can say that they serve their purpose well. They do increase the background threat level quite nicely, and the final, short one raises anticipation to see what will go wrong for the Darkmistress/Jadeite now.

Thanks! Yeah, that background threat level was definitely one of my main targets with the additions (as I alluded to above) so it's a relief to hear that that much, at least, worked out with the scenes.