In Trouble Now - Dragonball Cross

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In Trouble Now - Dragonball Cross

Postby LawOhki » Tue Aug 18, 2009 12:39 am

'This sucks!' Ranma bemoaned, rocketing backwards to slide across the wooden floor of the dojo. Shaking his head, he twisted himself up into a kneeling position, watching for his opponent’s next move. Breathing heavily, he noticed that the girl he was currently fighting, was doing the same, though far less heavily.

Standing about the same height as his female form, her name was Hatenashi Kamome, and she apparently had a deal with Genma. From what Ranma had gathered, Genma had agreed to train Ranma to fight her for some reason or another as a joke. Well, a joke to Genma, but not to the girl who had shown up, and challenged him. She looked every bit the fighter that she was, with a muscular build, and she made Akane look feminine.

She wore a tight fitting green halter top, black spandex shorts down to just over her knees, with a darker green skirt over top reaching down to mid-thigh. Her black hair was unnaturally spiky, done in a poofy bowl cut like Nabiki, but with the back reaching down to her waist. For some reason she had a thick brown fur belt wrapped around her waist. Another oddity was that she was clearly not Japanese, looking more American.

Noticing her eyes suddenly narrow, and her head tilt forward, Ranma felt a kick of adrenaline before he blocked a punch to his face from the right. Attempting to sweep out her legs, Kamome flipped over his leg easily before lashing out with a front kick at his exposed back. Twisting to his left, he felt the kick just graze him. Pivoting on his foot, he swung around and struck her in the side with his right leg. Kamome was thrown into the dojo wall where the wood cracked, and broke outwards before her momentum was arrested.

Taking a defensive stance, he slowly backed up to the center of the floor, Kamome taking her own stance and advancing with him. 'Damn, she's as strong as me, as fast, and with even better endurance.' It was going on three hours now that they were fighting, it alternated between fits of violence, and looking for a weakness. Standing at the entrance of the dojo was his father, and all of the Tendo's, even Nabiki seemed interested.

“What's wrong? Ready to give up?” Kamome taunted.

“Yea right.” He replied sarcastically, knowing that he had one thing she didn't, adaptability. He would find a weakness, and exploit it to win. “I'm going to win this with one shot!” He boasted, turning to face her, and crouching down. “Saotome Secret Technique! Crouch of the Wild Tiger!” After successfully yelling the attack he jumped forward slightly, and prostated himself before Kamome.

“What?” She asked confused, and Ranma could imagine the confusion on her face, while he inwardly chuckled. “What are you doing?” She demanded, taking several angry steps forward, and nudged him with her foot.

Shouting out an exclamation, he jumped up and over her head to rebound off the ceiling to land directly behind Kamome. Grabbing her around the waist, he accidentally took hold of the furry belt, and was about to throw her backwards except she collapsed bonelessly to the ground, leaving him holding the belt which had unraveled from her waist to reveal itself to be a monkey like tail.

“Huh?” He stopped his attack to inspect the strange turn of events.

“Let go.” She demanded weakly. “Of my tail.”

“You have tail?” He wondered out loud, quickly trying to come up with why someone would have a monkey tail. 'Maybe she did like Taro did when he got his tentacles?'

“Please.” She begged.

“Uh, if you accept defeat?” He bargained, thrown off his mental game at the moment, but still reasoning enough to notice that she looked completely out of the fight.

“Alright alright!” Tears started to come from her eyes, and Ranma released the appendage, causing an almost instant recovery. Hopping up to her feet, she wrapped the tail protectively around her waist again, and literally growled at him. “You win.” She admitted.

“Ha ha ha! Was there any doubt?” He laughed nervously.

“Way to go boy.” Genma congratulated him, slapping him on the back.

“Yes, good job son, that was most impressive.” Soun added.

“Can we have dinner now?” Nabiki asked anxiously.

“Oh dear, I forgot, will Kamome-san be staying for dinner?” Kasumi asked the strange girl.

“Well I guess I have to.” The monkey tailed girl said with a shrug. “I have to get to know my new boyfriend.”

“What?” He stopped congratulating himself to stare blankly at his former opponent.

“What?” Akane agreed with him.

“Well your dad offered you up as a fiancé if you can believe that.” Kamome gave a confused shake of her head. “But I think we should get to know each other before doing that.”

“Old man?!” Ranma turned angrily to his father, and found a panda playing with a tire.

#I'm just a cute little panda#

X x x x x x

“More please!” Kamome paused in shoving her mouth full of food to hold her bowl out for more.

“There's none left.” The nice older girl named Kasumi supplied, her smile strained.

#My food!# The panda that had appeared earlier held up a wooden sign.

“Panda's don't get human food.” Ranma joked, and she had noticed that he had purposely kept the animal from getting anything. She was further impressed by her new boyfriend's stamina. Even after fighting her, he seemed almost fully recovered now, she had never met anyone else who could do that before.

'Such a strange group of people.' She thought, glancing around the table, and last she knew panda's were endangered, so why would this family have one? 'Too bad it's well behaved, I could have cooked it up for dinner. I wonder if panda tastes good?'

#Why are you looking at me like that?# The panda signed, a small sweatdrop drawn on the wood.

“So.” The short haired girl, Akane, started slowly. “What was the deal that you had?”

“Right, it all started six years ago, I was out training in the mountains when I came across Genma.”

X x x x x x

Six years ago, near Mount Houraisan

“Hiyaa!” Slamming a fist into a tree, the trunk shook violently, and a brief rain of leaves came down around her. Several seconds later, the half meter diameter tree she had been punch fell to the side, crashing through several more trees before hitting the ground. Collapsing down to her hands and knees, she flopped over and laid down on her back. Four hours of running through the forest, fighting those jerk face monkeys, nearly breaking her knuckles on that tree, and her training was done for the day.

Dressed in a cheap white gi, she was eleven years old, and already she had exhausted the few martial arts dojo in the area for tough opponents. All of them had underestimated her due to her young age, and even smaller than average size. Her adopted brother thought she was the weirdest thing ever. Not that she particularly cared they were all weaklings, and she was setting out on her own now.

Rising to her feet, she wavered slightly, before trudging off in the direction of her makeshift camp, a large branch bent down and tied to the ground, with a nylon sheet in a triangle over it. There wasn't much, but she didn't need much to survive. Unfortunately when she arrived back at her camp sight, she found a bald man in a white gi stuffing his face with the food she had taken on her way out.

“HEY!” She screamed and punched him in the back of the head.

“Ouch ouch ouch!” The old man complained rubbing at the back of his head and still munching on a rice ball that she had. “Oh, it's a little kid.” With his free hand he grabbed his round glasses and adjusted them.

“You're stealin my food.” She growled, her tail lashing angrily behind her.

“What's a little kid like you doing way out here?” He asked, patting her on the head.

“Training.” She slapped his hand away from her head.

“Ah, are you a martial artist then?” He asked casually, crouching down in front of her.

“I guess.” She pouted, ready to punch the man right in the face.

“So how old are you? Eight, nine? You must be around my son's age.” The man chuckled to himself. “He's-- recovering from some training now. Super special training that'll make him super strong!” He boasted.

“Strong? I'm looking for someone tough to fight.” She wondered.

“Someone strong, eh? You got a lot of strength for a little kid, but when my Ranma gets older you won't be able to touch him.”

“Liar!” She stomped her foot. “I'll beat him black and blue!”

“Ha ha! I'll make you a deal, in a few years how about you and Ranma have a match?”

“Okay, and when I win you have to give me something that I want.”

“And what would that be?”

“I don't know yet.” She admitted.

X x x x x x

#SEE SEE IT WASN'T ME!# Genma urgently signed, shoving the message into his son's face.

“Wow, I guess you're right, oh well, that's basically what I want now, and that was part of the deal.” The monkey tailed girl nodded. “And what's up with the panda? It's acting like your father?” She asked Ranma.

“Jusenkyo curse, long story short, hot water human, cold water panda.” Ranma quickly answered. “Well Pop, I guess you're off the hook.” Ranma playfully punched him in the arm. “And you lost.” He laughed pointing at the girl. “So no deal.”

“That's true isn't it?” Kamome scratched at her cheek with one finger. “Let's have a rematch!” She suggested.

“Tomorrow.” Ranma agreed.

“Idiot.” Akane shook her head.

“Tomboy.” Ranma shot back. “Least she's a good fighter, unlike some thick girl that I know.”

“What are you talking about? She makes me look feminine.” Akane protested.

“That’s not hard to do.”

Tuning out the children as they once again squabbled, Genma sighed in relief, there was a moment there where he actually thought he had gotten his son engaged again. Luckily the boy had come through and won the match, and since Ranma was currently busy throwing insults at Akane. Genma took the opportunity to steal the last of Ranma's food.

X x x x x x

The next month had flown by with Kamome becoming a regular sparring partner. She loved to fight and had the drive to get better that bordered on psychotic. Her attitude had rubbed off on him and he had let his grades slip at school attempting to keep up with the monkey tailed girl.

While they ended up bickering over every little thing, Kamome didn’t take things personally like Akane did. It had created a gulf between him and Akane. His fiancé had been immediately jealous of Kamome’s skills and because Ranma got along with the other houseguest, Akane had made some rather suggestive remarks about him cheating on her. Things had snowballed from there and Soun had thrown him out of the house until he apologized. Since there was no way he was going to apologize for something that had never happened he used it as a justification to take a trip out into the country for some more training.

Kamome had followed and while he knew that it would only cause problems they had ended up traveling to a place that she said would be good for training. Considering that Kamome tended to forget even the simplest of things, it struck him as odd that she had remembered something like that. They were both well versed at roughing it in the wild and surviving off the land so they could relax and just have fun. Up until they found a small metal sphere it had been a great time.

During a morning spar, they had come across the sphere after she had knocked him into some vegetation that had grown over it. She had been fascinated by the metal sphere with the single rectangular window made of a clear purple material. When the side opened allowing access to the interior they had fought over what to do. He had wanted no part of a strange alien looking object, stating that such a thing could only end badly. In the resulting verbal argument with fists, she had gotten the better of him and shoved him into the thing to try and show that it was fine. Unfortunately he was proven correct after buttons were pushed and the door closed, sealing them inside. Before they could attempt to bust out of the thing, it took off straight up, and didn’t stop.

The next thing Ranma knew he was waking up to a soft repetitive beeping. His entire body refused to respond right away, whatever it was that had put him to sleep seemed to still be in his system. Blinking his eyes, he could see out the small window in the doorway that they were rapidly approaching a small blue planet.

“Watch your elbow.” The girl he was flying through space with groaned and shoved her own elbow into his gut.

“Watch your own.” He answered, squirming so that they were both half on the single seat. The space ship they were in was a simple sphere, barely big enough for one person let alone the two that now occupied it.

“I gotta use the toilet.” She kicked him in the leg and looked around.

“Does it look like there’s a toilet in this thing?” He answered, punching her in the arm. He also felt the need to deal with nature’s call.

“Try telling my bladder that.”

“Well hold it!” Ranma didn’t know how long they had been flying through space but it would be nice when he would be able to stretch himself out again.

“Aren’t we going a little too fast?” Kamome asked as the view outside the pod turned a bright red upon entering the atmosphere.

“Well at least it’ll be a quick death.” Ranma commented for a little morbid humor.

“I’m sorry I dragged you along if it is.” The girl with the monkey tail told him quietly. Ranma didn’t feel like responding, trying to not panic and figure out why the temperature inside the pod wasn’t going up at all.

“I’m sorry you were able to push me into this damn thing.”

X x x x x x

Leaning back on her chair and stretching herself out, Bulma gazed out the window in front of her and tried to relax after an eventful day. Chaozu and Tien had both been brought back by the Namekian Dragon Balls and the large amount of Namek houseguests at Capsule Corps had left to be on their new planet. Son Goku had yet to return and Vegeta was still in her home but all in all things had returned to normal. Privately she even liked having the bossy Saiyan around but she would never admit that to anyone. She actually wished Yamcha was more like Vegeta in some ways.

Shaking her head so violently that she nearly tumbled out of her chair, Bulma told herself firmly that she did not just think about Vegeta in that way. Just to reaffirm such thoughts being banished from her mind she would have to deny him some of the training equipment he constantly demanded for a week or two.

Sliding her chair across the floor, she spun around once, and stopped in front of a tv. “Let’s see what’s on.”

“This is breaking news!” A man’s voice announced as the camera showed a large crater with a small spherical metal sphere in the center. In the background she could just make out a city. “Last November two similar pods crashed into East City a short time before it was destroyed by a massive explosion.”

Sighing and dropping her head into her hands she slowly stood up. “I really didn’t want to have to talk to Vegeta today.”

X x x x x x

Stopping abruptly well over a hundred meters above the ground, Vegeta stared down at the two figures next to the space pod. Unless they were both heavily hiding their strength neither posed any threat to him. Off to the east he could feel Kakarot’s son and the human Krillen approaching. ‘That woman must have told them.’ He glowered and decided to do away with the human accidentally should he get in the way of a good fight. ‘At least that insufferable woman was able to get the rest of the pests to leave the area.’ Too bad Bulma would be arriving soon as well.

Dropping under the power of gravity, he halted his descent a moment before hitting the ground, and slowly set down. Immediately he noticed that the pod was an older model with marking indicating it was used by a Saiyan. His first thought was to disregard the idea that more survived until he saw the Saiyan girl in her late teens. Assessing the boy of similar age nearby, he considered that he may as well be a Saiyan but he lacked a tail and had blue eyes.

“Uh-- hi.” The girl greeted cheerfully with the kind of irritating tone Vegeta associated with Kakarot.

“Do you understand us?” The boy asked. “We’re a little-- a lot lost.”

“Girl, what was your mission?” He asked. Due to the long time to travel in space and the genocide of his race she must have been sent out on a mission as a young child and been forced to grow up on some distant planet. Perhaps it was Kakarot happening all over again with her forgetting her mission. Or there was the possibility that was she another half breed and there had never been a mission for her.

“Mission?” She asked cluelessly.

His frown deepened. “What were you doing and why are you here now?”

“Well I was living on Earth-- um-- then we fell into this thing and now we’re here.” She answered.

‘She must have a jellyfish for a brain.’ He decided. ‘Disappointing, neither a good fight or a Saiyan worth bothering with.’ Ignoring anything further from the two, he briefly inspected the ship. It was indeed from before the fall of planet Vegeta. But it was in full working order so if need be he could use it to get off this planet and track down Kakarot.

“Yoo-hoo!” Bulma exclaimed excitedly, leaning out the window of her airship as it slowly descended to land near the edge of the crater. “You’re not fighting? Guess that means you’re friendly if Vegeta hasn’t killed you yet!”


X x x x x


Hatenashi Kamome – Hatenashi (no end) Ka (flower) mome (conflict)
Last edited by LawOhki on Thu Oct 13, 2011 8:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: In Trouble Now - Dragonball Cross

Postby Konsaki » Tue Aug 18, 2009 5:51 am

I was entertained through this snippet but, once it was done, I boiled it down to the standard ABC with only a slight twist making it a BCD setup. I dont know, but really, the story so far has even less hook for me due to the fact that Kamome doesnt have a leg to stand on in the 'Fiancee war'.
Really, I'm scratching my head to exactly how you plan on working this, since she seems like a Mary Sue at first glance or a Deus Ex Machina to get Ranma out of Nerima and into the 'Big Boy Club' of the Dragonball Fighters. Of course, we still havent seen her reaction to Ranma's curse...

As for the major portion of the piece, that being the fight, I found it interesting with only sparce details which let the reader fill in the details. I do think that the ending was really anticlimactic, but the weakness is a true liability for her race. I find her a little bit on the weak side when it came to how she expressed her feelings about the way she lost though, but that might just be her temperment.

I do wonder why she called Ranma her boyfriend, though, since she lost the fight and the deal. As stated above, it just leaves her without a leg to stand on.
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Re: In Trouble Now - Dragonball Cross

Postby LawOhki » Tue Aug 18, 2009 9:35 am

Konsaki wrote:I was entertained through this snippet but, once it was done, I boiled it down to the standard ABC with only a slight twist making it a BCD setup. I dont know, but really, the story so far has even less hook for me due to the fact that Kamome doesnt have a leg to stand on in the 'Fiancee war'.
Really, I'm scratching my head to exactly how you plan on working this, since she seems like a Mary Sue at first glance or a Deus Ex Machina to get Ranma out of Nerima and into the 'Big Boy Club' of the Dragonball Fighters. Of course, we still havent seen her reaction to Ranma's curse...

Consider this an exercize in writing an OC and trying not to make her a Mary Sue.

-She's not that strong. (Not all saiyans can go fight Freiza with a little training.)
-She's not overly bright. (Forgot the deal at one point, then remembered it a different way. I'm not going to say whether her flashback was correct or not :p)
-She's uneducated, having skipped all schooling after she left her parents.
-She's not setup to 'get' Ranma or solve his problems. There isn't really a fiance war, as Rumiko wrote it, neither Shampoo or Ukyo were ever in the 'running'.
-She's a bit lonely though, and Ranma is one of the strongest people she's met, he's in her age group, so in her mind why shouldn't they be boyfriend and girlfriend? That's how it works right?

As for the major portion of the piece, that being the fight, I found it interesting with only sparce details which let the reader fill in the details. I do think that the ending was really anticlimactic, but the weakness is a true liability for her race. I find her a little bit on the weak side when it came to how she expressed her feelings about the way she lost though, but that might just be her temperment.

Basically it was a pure martial arts fight like what Ranma had with Genma during the Hells Cradle arc. Her temperament is sort of a mix between Ranma and Goku. Sort of innocent, simply because she's not that interested in learning, but like Ranma if you get on her bad side she'll torment you endlessly to assert her dominance. She's going to fight Ranma as many times as it takes to beat him.

I do wonder why she called Ranma her boyfriend, though, since she lost the fight and the deal. As stated above, it just leaves her without a leg to stand on.
See above, she misremembered the deal to what she wanted.
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Re: In Trouble Now - Dragonball Cross

Postby Nekomata-sensei » Tue Aug 18, 2009 11:29 pm

Gah! Stop starting so many fics before finishing the others! Well, actually, write whatever you want, but know it drives the poor fans of your work nuts 'cause they'd been hoping for updates, and then get another thing they'll hope for updates for, and more time waiting for updates on other things, or even canceled fics. :cry:

How much of a dragonball cross is this? One of the big problems of dragonball crossovers is that Dragonball has a very distinct 'other world' type setting with talking dinosaurs, animal people, capsules and flying cars, while many other stories have a default 'earth' setting, if perhaps with magic or super science thrown in, or on a different time-scale.

Also, if you keep Ranma fully human he starts to run into troubles when you go with the Dragonball power curve. While it is true that the Tenchi power curve rivals, if not surpasses the Dragonball one, those without ridiculous powers at least get to play a role and technology/enhancements can often make up the difference, and Ranma remains ahead of the curve in personal combat compared to the likes of Seina. With Dragonball on the other hand (or at least DBZ) a fully human Ranma is likely to not get much further than Krillin or Tien, which might work out for a while, but can eventually knock him into background character mode, especially if he is competing with Saiyajin growth rate. On the other hand, if this is Ranma's world, but with a sayajin girl and perhaps dragonballs and some sort of bad guys to compete collecting them against, then it could play out a bit better, especially if you modify the nature of sayajins and their power curve a bit compared to DBZ.

The scary method would be a fusion world, where perhaps 'China' is also the continent the DBZ guys live, and 'Japan' is just some weird islands off the coast where Ranma lives and capsule products don't sell well. This would create problems of where the OC girl came from, since there is supposed to be a limited number of sayajins left, unless she is somehow a child of some of the remainder and a human hybrid like Gohan, Trunks, Goten, etc. This also forcefully thrusts Ranma into DB power scales, although he might be able to eek by if it is Dragonball rather than DBZ time points, especially after some training from Master Roshi or something like that.

The last option of course is the 'other world' route a-la El Hazard, where likely the OC sayajin girl is probably some lost kid of one of the DBZ characters who got stuck in a dimensional anomaly, and when finally 'rescued' Ranma is brought along for the ride back to the DBZ world, or some from that world come to Ranma's for a while. With this route you even have the El Hazard option of Ranma getting different abilities in another world, or Ranmaverse humans having a different power scale than DBZverse ones (of course in DBZ Krillin, without a nose, counts as human, as does Tien and Chao Tsu from what I've heard, so theoretically Ranma is a totally different critter either way, not to mention that the DBZ 'human' guys do attain some pretty ridiculous power levels compared to some other series, as does the Ranmaverse characters, you could have it that DBZ style training would cause Ranma to grow in power level like a sayajin).

Then of course we have the option of 'he's not really quite human' for Ranma, with him either being adopted, switched, or one of his parents being 'not quite human' (usually Nodoka in most fics, with the occasional Genma just to be different). Which can easily circumvent power scale difficulties, and allow him to fit right in with DBZ level fighters.

Gah! I ranted! :oops:

Anyway, take this as a sign that I'm interested in you continuing this fic and seeing how you do it. :wink:
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Re: In Trouble Now - Dragonball Cross

Postby LawOhki » Tue Aug 18, 2009 11:39 pm

Nekomata-sensei wrote:How much of a dragonball cross is this? One of the big problems of dragonball crossovers is that Dragonball has a very distinct 'other world' type setting with talking dinosaurs, animal people, capsules and flying cars, while many other stories have a default 'earth' setting, if perhaps with magic or super science thrown in, or on a different time-scale.

Two different Earths. Right now I'm thinking Kamome was born off of the Saiyan homeworld when Freiza blew it up. Without the planet, records were lost, and Goku's mission wasn't known. So Kamome was supposed to take care of both planets, but being forgetful, she forgot her first job as soon as she arrived. (hint hint)

Also, if you keep Ranma fully human he starts to run into troubles when you go with the Dragonball power curve.

Ranma is fully human and he's NEVER going to be close to any of the real heavy hitters in terms of power.
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Re: In Trouble Now - Dragonball Cross

Postby Nekomata-sensei » Wed Aug 19, 2009 12:39 am

LawOhki wrote:Ranma is fully human and he's NEVER going to be close to any of the real heavy hitters in terms of power.

Poor Ranma, that will drive him crazy! :twisted: Sometimes I love it when the author is evil towards the heroes! :twisted:
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Re: In Trouble Now - Dragonball Cross

Postby LawOhki » Thu Oct 13, 2011 8:58 pm

I edited the first post to show an updated version with some new stuff at the end.
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Re: In Trouble Now - Dragonball Cross

Postby frice2000 » Fri Oct 14, 2011 2:04 pm

It was going on three hours now that they were fighting, it alternated between fits of violence

How has it gone on three hours if she's that much stronger then him? Showcasing him being far more beaten down, maybe some cuts, dislocated arm, tattered clothes, scratches, something to show that. Maybe start the piece with Ranma wrenching his arm back into it's socket, or just swiping some sweat off his face and wincing at a bruise or something then contrast that with her not having any real injuries? What you've got isn't enough.

monkey like tail.

monkey-like tail.

“Ha ha ha! Was there any doubt?” He laughed nervously.

Again contrasting injuries he has versus hers would make that more humorous at the least. Maybe he collapses from the congratulatory physical contact of his father?

and she had noticed that he had purposely kept the animal from getting anything.

Subject unclear for 'she' since Ranma is cited earlier and we haven't been given that this is Kamome's perspective.

It had created a gulf between him and Akane. His fiancé

Slow this down a little. Expand it a little more. Moving a bit too fast. Also kind of wondering what she thinks of his curse or Jusenkyou curses in general.

During a morning spar, they had come across the sphere after she had knocked

Bit too much summary. Dialogue would be better.

“I’m sorry I dragged you along if it is.” The girl

Interesting. Less brash then I expected from her character.

“I’m sorry you were able to push me into this damn thing.”

Heh would like to hear her response to that.

“Well I was living on Earth-- um--

Would imagine Ranma would not take well to being ignored.
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