Dive into the Unknown Ch.3

[Cheb]

The previous chapters: see the topic on Ch.2
1. I thought I won't release this chapter for a while. But then, it would be shame to keep it 95% completed. So I plunged forward... and there it is.
2. It contains much more old material that the Ch.2, so the English in it is probably even worse. Plus, being the two former chapters merged, it is, despite all the trimming, 60% longer than the Ch.2.
3. If someone interested, there is only 16K left of the chapter "Barbecued Senshi", which was largely pointless and thus not deserved to live.
4. The next chapter, "Good doctor Frankenstein" is 80% completed, I only have to carefully rewrite one long key scene. Will be coming in about a week, I hope.
Chapter 3: The Pink Horror
<deleted, see below>

[Cheb]

<deleted, see below>

[Dragon Man]

Very nice. I personally got a laugh out of Brya accidently groping Ranko, he's great for comedy!

[Cheb]

I will *not* release Ch.4, even for pre-reading, until I get some constructive criticism on this one (and Ch.2).
Period.
I'd like to get comments on:
1) the plot line. While I consider my writing technique fairly decent and don't see a reason to change something there, I can't say the same for the plot.
So, what do you think could be corrected/improved in the "general line of the Communist party", so to speak..? It is especially important to me since my story went through the plot line surgery.
2) the most gnarled samples of my English. I am sure I couldn't get everything right, so there *should* be some. You don't need even to explain me what exactly is wrong - just point them to me, I'll figure the rest by myself. (You know, some phrases are just... *wrong*. Like Ranma-chan kissing Kuno - at the first glance it seems normal, but you can't help yourself but feel queasy at this sight. I saw such things in the beginner's English-Russian translations)
P.S. The negative feedback is welcomed - since it is the most useful one (no matter how heartwarming the positive feedback is).
P.P.S C'mon, ppl! You can't say I didn't show my respect to you. I even learned the punctuation rules for the direct speech and corrected it in every place I noticed (unlike the previous version of that chapter where I left the punctuation as in Russian).

[Dragon Man]

The very idea of Ranma-chan kissing Kuno feels wrong, so no one will be able to read that sentance and not think it doesn't make sense.

[Cheb]

Ok, the pruned and brushed version is here >>
I used lwf58's advices and comments on my ch.2 to work on this one. I hope it got much better. I still struggle with the articles, though.
The second thing, the various breaches in the 4th wall were bricked up.