Untitled Ranma/Naruto crossover fic (New: Ch. 23 to 32)

[Vasey]

Ranma and company won't have any direct impact on the Sasuke situation. The cursed seal remains in play, he's still heading for a mind-screw at Itachi's hands, and his insecurities over Naruto's growth aren't going to be eased by Ranma, Ryoga, or Mousse. Now, secondary effects, there're some of those in play. But those are too big for me to be handing spoilers out for.

[al103]

Ranma and company won't have any direct impact on the Sasuke situation.

He could ask them for traing or sparring - they are outsiders of greater age than him so no "uchiha pride" in game - he know that he need teachers. And they are genins/early chunins so he can ask that more freely than from jounin instructors or other always busy minja. And the thing is - if they'll got some info on situation they can perfectly understand why he want to kill Itachi... and do it himself. Such "minor" things will clearly effect situation and as it was close call it easily could be changed from "fuck you, if you do not understand why i need to do it i'll go to one who understand" to "do not see a point to follow" and so forced kidnapping.

UPD: Though canon defection is most likely... Just don't do it "eeeeeevil powermonger Sasuke", please...

[Vasey]

Ah, there isn't much more I can really say about this topic. There are spoilers and then there are spoilers, you know? Sasuke and the events leading up to and after his defection to Orochimaru are a key plot point, both in canon and my story, and I don't want to give it away. It's absolutely pivotal to my story, perhaps even moreso than in canon as I regard Orochimaru as my main villain character rather than the Akatsuki (who I mostly find boring and cheap), and it's the sort of thing I think will be much, much better when encountered in the story rather than in a spoiler posted on a web-forum.

[Ezvir]

Wanted to get back to you earlier, but couldn't find the time.

Yeah, probably I just felt that way because there were several dango references in chapter 2, and because they weren't all that funny, at least compared to gems like:

Ryoga had a moment to reflect on the fact that maybe it hadn't been the best idea he'd ever had to say that as he hurtled across the arena floor in the midst of an immensely powerful gust of wind. And then he smacked head-first into the concrete wall and everything went dark.

Well, it's hard to see when your heads embedded in concrete, isn't it? Really, had there been any need for that?

I'm not quite sure what Ryouga is referring to here:

Ryoga laughed. “You know, for someone who was the first to learn the technique, you really suck at it,” he said. “You'd never get me that easily.”

Kawarimi? Something else to keep from being splashed?

A couple of missing words/ wrong auto-corrections which you might already have fixed?

14
This exam was out of the same playback as kicking him into Jusenkyo, posing as his fiancée, posing his sister, and a thousand, smaller schemes that had all been aimed at making him look a fool.


17

“There's nothing you can do against then,” said Naruto. “There's no weakness!”

“Not it is time to explain what you will face in this final round,” continued the old man in the fancy hat.

19

“You really don't have to this, you know.”

20

Genma looked at Ryoga. He looked at Ranma, who looked and shrugged with a 'hey, nothing to with me' sort of expression on her face. He looked back at Ryoga. “You might want to invest in a pair of glasses, kid,” he said. “Just do what I say, yeah? Easier on us both that way.”

Wait, the blood. It was way too solid. And why too brown. Oh, shi-

[Vasey]

Wanted to get back to you earlier, but couldn't find the time.

S'alright. I'm happy to get feedback from someone the once nevermind a second time.

Yeah, probably I just felt that way because there were several dango references in chapter 2, and because they weren't all that funny, at least compared to gems like:

I'll have another look at it at some point before it goes fully public. I have no great attachment to those lines so losing them would be no hardship.

And glad to hear you liked that bit with Ryoga. It's one of my favoured snippets, too.

Kawarimi? Something else to keep from being splashed?

Henge. It was mentioned in one the of the earlier chapters, if I recall correctly. Before the mission with the Hyuuga outcasts.

A couple of missing words/ wrong auto-corrections which you might already have fixed?

Cheers for those. It's always good to get the mechanics tidied up and the edges straight.

[Ezvir]

Henge. It was mentioned in one the of the earlier chapters, if I recall correctly. Before the mission with the Hyuuga outcasts.

Yes, I remembered that and considered it, but it didn't seem to make any sense. I see how it's useful if they want to change back without hot water or maintain their uncursed form in the rain, while swimming or similar, but to use it to avoid changing when splashed they would have to anticipate being splashed and use henge in the exact same instant, wouldn't they? And if they anticipate being splashed early enough to use a jutsu, wouldn't it be easier to just avoid being splashed in the first place in most cases? In fact that seemed to be what Ryougan and Mousse were doing in that scene, scrambling inside just in time, and from Ranma being described as turning into a fetching redhead I thought I could conclude that rather than trying to use henge and doing it badly he didn't use it at all. And if that's the case why would Ryouga and Mousse tease him about his lack of skill at henge rather than about his lack of attention?
Of course I could be missing something.

[Makoto]

I know, I know... very late reply. Real life AND my computers have it in for me at the moment. Just ask Sunshine.

You might want to run through the chapters and make sure all the names and titles are capitalized. The most common instance of a lowercased name/title seems to be 'hokage', but there are a few other instances like 'konoha' and 'p-chan'.

[Vasey]

Yes, I remembered that and considered it, but it didn't seem to make any sense. I see how it's useful if they want to change back without hot water or maintain their uncursed form in the rain, while swimming or similar, but to use it to avoid changing when splashed they would have to anticipate being splashed and use henge in the exact same instance, wouldn't they? And if they anticipate being splashed early enough to use a jutsu, wouldn't it be easier to just avoid being splashed in the first place in most cases? In fact that seemed to be what Ryougan and Mousse were doing in that scene, scrambling inside just in time, and from Ranma being described as turning into a fetching redhead I thought I could conclude that rather than trying to use henge and doing it badly he didn't use it at all. And if that's the case why would Ryouga and Mousse tease him about his lack of skill at henge rather than about his lack of attention?
Of course I could be missing something.

It's possible to resist the change brought on by the curse using henge. Ryoga did it, or at least tried to, during their training before the exams. It's just really difficult to do because you have to see it coming, have to keep using the technique all the time you're being exposed to the trigger, have to deal with an exponential increase in difficulty as the volume of water increases, and have to notice the change coming on – Ranma's so used to switching from an innie to an outie and vice-versa that he barely even notices it half the time, he just adapts instinctively and gets on with things.

I know, I know... very late reply. Real life AND my computers have it in for me at the moment. Just ask Sunshine.

Well, I certainly won't quibble. Late feedback – and it's only been two weeks, so it's not all that late – is better than no feedback.

You might want to run through the chapters and make sure all the names and titles are capitalized. The most common instance of a lowercased name/title seems to be 'hokage', but there are a few other instances like 'konoha' and 'p-chan'.

Yeah. I'm getting the impression that a lot more mistakes than I realised managed to get past my less than brilliant proof-reading skills. It's something I'm going to have a go at fixing up before this story goes properly public.

[Makoto]

That's why it's always better to have someone else look at it, too. Sometimes, you've just been staring at the text way too long, and you'll just gloss over the little errors in it.

Besides, I do all my writing on paper, initially, and there's no guarantee I've entered it all into a text file correctly.

You do have an interesting story, and I'm looking forward to reading more.

(Just a little off-topic, and I'm not saying this story does it, but is it common in Ranma/Naruto crosses for someone to try to make Ranma into a 'better' version of Naruto? I keep seeing the occasional story which seems to attempt to do just that.)
(edit: no, I'm not looking for this to turn into a discussion...)

[Vasey]

That's why it's always better to have someone else look at it, too. Sometimes, you've just been staring at the text way too long, and you'll just gloss over the little errors in it.

Very true. It doesn't help that I have a tendancy to be a little careless about these things at the best of times, either.

Besides, I do all my writing on paper, initially, and there's no guarantee I've entered it all into a text file correctly.

I've done that a time or two. It can be useful for working out a case of writer's block (I have no idea why) but typing it all up is always tedium personified in my eyes. You're a more patient man than I will ever be.

You do have an interesting story, and I'm looking forward to reading more.

Cool. Progress is being made towards another chapter for what that's worth.

(Just a little off-topic, and I'm not saying this story does it, but is it common in Ranma/Naruto crosses for someone to try to make Ranma into a 'better' version of Naruto? I keep seeing the occasional story which seems to attempt to do just that.)
(edit: no, I'm not looking for this to turn into a discussion...)

I've not read that many Ranma/Naruto crossovers, to be honest. Of those I have, the only one I can think of that would really fit that would be the really, really weird fic where Rock Lee was really Ranma reincarnated or some such. The end was very much a 'Ranma outdoes Naruto in every way possible' sort of event right down to his beating the ever-living crap out of Sasuke in Naruto's place. Not my cup of tea, to be honest, and I've long since forgotten where to find it.

[CRBWildcat]

I've not read that many Ranma/Naruto crossovers, to be honest. Of those I have, the only one I can think of that would really fit that would be the really, really weird fic where Rock Lee was really Ranma reincarnated or some such. The end was very much a 'Ranma outdoes Naruto in every way possible' sort of event right down to his beating the ever-living crap out of Sasuke in Naruto's place. Not my cup of tea, to be honest, and I've long since forgotten where to find it.

You're not thinking of "Horse of the Leaf" at Fanfiction.Net, are you?

[Vasey]

My memories of the story are far too vague to pin a title on it.

[CRBWildcat]

Well, it's the only story I can think of that features Ranma reincarnated as Rock Lee and has him beating the daylights out of Sasuke, so I'm guessing it's probably it.

[deathgeonous]

Good God, this is one of the best Ranma Naruto crossovers I think I've ever read. Really. The ONLY thing I can sugjust for you to do is study up more on the names of the techniques, because I noticed that when you had problems with there names, you just put question marks in them middle of them.

So, my advice, fix that then post this somewhere while writing more in this. Not so sage advice I know, but, that is all I have to give.

[Makoto]

That could've been due more to an encoding 'error' than anything else... some software (forum/email/etc.), if it comes across characters it doesn't understand, it'll change them into question marks, or some other symbol. I don't know if the forum software here is set to allow extended ASCII/Unicode, and whether or not it'll exhibit the above behavior if it does encounter them.

What I'd meant, above, was stories where basically, Ranma seems to know most or all of Naruto's techniques (particularly Kage Bunshin and Oiroke, as well as the other standard jutsu... maybe Chidori/Rasengan for good measure), and then proceeds to do everything far better than Naruto with essentially the same moves, etc.

I've got Horse of the Leaf archived somewhere (read it a few years ago, I think), and it's not really what I meant. Ranma seems to end up beating Sasuke in most Naruto crossovers, anyway.