Just as an aside...
Ranma IS in fact a dual gendered name, chosen by Takahashi for exactly that reason.
-Joshua
Temple of Ranma's Sailor Senshi Seifuku
Anime, Scifi, Fantasy Fan and Original Fiction
To Live And Love Again.
28 posts
• Page 2 of 2 • 1, 2
by ChasTaro » Sat Jun 03, 2006 1:00 pm
Re-write of 1st chapter. Now listed as the prolog.
I got rid of the foot note and worked the info into the story so it should flow better.
I Don't own Ranma 1/2,Tenchi Muyo, or Sailor Moon. I just borrowed them for personal enjoyment. No money here! Nope! I'm Poor, you hear me. So please don't sue me.
To Live And Love Again
Crossover: Ranma 1/2, Tenchi Muyo, Sailor Moon
By ChasTaro
Takes place after Tenchi OAV's, and after the battle with Herb in Ranma time line, Sailor Moon guest appearances
" "-Speach
( )-Thoughts
{ }-Notes
Prolog
Katsuhito Masaki was steadily sweeping the steps leading to the Masaki Shrine, thinking of the many changes his family had gone through since Tenchi had opened the cave of Ryoko. First had come Ayeke, and Sasami, followed Mihoshi, and finally Washu. Pausing, he looked out over the valley until his eyes rested on the now empty house. He recalled how during what on Jurai was now called the Goddess War, Tenchi had declared that he loved all of them, and could never live without them. Once the Lady's Funaho and Misaki heard this Tenchi's life, as a bachelor was doomed.
He remembered how Tenchi had returned the Master key, saying he had no need of it as he could summon the lighthawk wings at will. Then just before the wedding Tsunami had appeared to him and explained that she had placed a speciel blessing on his space tree Funaho, so she would not need Ryoko's jems to stay healthy. At the reception he had appeared before Ryoko not as Katsuhito, but as Yosho in full Jurai robes. The room had gone quiet as he had pulled the master key form his belt holding out before him. There were gasps of suprise as the remaining jems had appeared on Ryokos neck and wrist, and an arua of power engulfed her as she lifted off the floor. As the rush of power had stablized she had returned to the floor suppressing her aura, only to rush forward engulfing him a warm embrace. While holding him she had wispered in his ear. "Thank you Yosho. Thank you for beleiveing in me."
It had been a year now since the wedding and they had left to live on Jurai. Leaving Tenchi's father and himself here alone. Shortly there after, Tenchi's father had gotten a small apartment near his work, and only visited on the weekends. "Lonely" he whispered. "I'm lonely."
Shaking his head, and resuming his sweeping he thought to himself.
(I can't dwell on this, it will only lead to depression.)
As Katsuhito continued to sweep he entered a meditative state,
reaching out to the local Chi lines of the valley, drawing strength into himself, until he felt a nearby disturbance. As he concentrated he realized there were two masters of the art fighting near by, but this was no friendly spar. No, this was a battle. As he continued to monitor the battle from afar, feeling the ebb and flow of power as each fighter struggled for dominance. He felt the sudden build up of power as both fighters readied their final attacks, and gasped as he realized even he would be hard pressed to withstand what was about to be unleashed.
There was a bright flash of light from behind the ridge across from the temple, shortly followed by the sound of rolling thunder as even the very earth quaked from the forces released, and then a column of smoke, dust, and debris could be seen rising high into the air. Katsuhito stood in shock. Never had he seen such power released by fighters of earthly origins. "This needs looking into." He'd said as he returned to the temple to retrieve the Master key, then to the house for Tenchi's pack and camping gear, first aid supplies and food. Later as he reached the ridge he was again shocked by the devastation before him. Mt. Horai was destroyed. The whole top third was gone, and the near side had collapsed in a massive landslide, forming a dam across the stream at its base.
Already a small lake was forming behind the dam. Making his way to the dam, and carefully crossing he began to search for any survivors. After several hours of searching, he sat to rest by the newly forming lake when a small patch of bright red cloth by the waters edge caught his attention. Making his way through the rubble he found an arm in a red shirtsleeve sticking up barely a foot above the rising water level. Grabbing the wrist he felt a weak pulse. Knowing he hadn't much time he quickly cleared the rocks and dirt from the face and chest of the person. Katsuhito was shocked once more when he realized that the survivor was a young girl no more than 16 or 17 years of age.
I got rid of the foot note and worked the info into the story so it should flow better.
I Don't own Ranma 1/2,Tenchi Muyo, or Sailor Moon. I just borrowed them for personal enjoyment. No money here! Nope! I'm Poor, you hear me. So please don't sue me.
To Live And Love Again
Crossover: Ranma 1/2, Tenchi Muyo, Sailor Moon
By ChasTaro
Takes place after Tenchi OAV's, and after the battle with Herb in Ranma time line, Sailor Moon guest appearances
" "-Speach
( )-Thoughts
{ }-Notes
Prolog
Katsuhito Masaki was steadily sweeping the steps leading to the Masaki Shrine, thinking of the many changes his family had gone through since Tenchi had opened the cave of Ryoko. First had come Ayeke, and Sasami, followed Mihoshi, and finally Washu. Pausing, he looked out over the valley until his eyes rested on the now empty house. He recalled how during what on Jurai was now called the Goddess War, Tenchi had declared that he loved all of them, and could never live without them. Once the Lady's Funaho and Misaki heard this Tenchi's life, as a bachelor was doomed.
He remembered how Tenchi had returned the Master key, saying he had no need of it as he could summon the lighthawk wings at will. Then just before the wedding Tsunami had appeared to him and explained that she had placed a speciel blessing on his space tree Funaho, so she would not need Ryoko's jems to stay healthy. At the reception he had appeared before Ryoko not as Katsuhito, but as Yosho in full Jurai robes. The room had gone quiet as he had pulled the master key form his belt holding out before him. There were gasps of suprise as the remaining jems had appeared on Ryokos neck and wrist, and an arua of power engulfed her as she lifted off the floor. As the rush of power had stablized she had returned to the floor suppressing her aura, only to rush forward engulfing him a warm embrace. While holding him she had wispered in his ear. "Thank you Yosho. Thank you for beleiveing in me."
It had been a year now since the wedding and they had left to live on Jurai. Leaving Tenchi's father and himself here alone. Shortly there after, Tenchi's father had gotten a small apartment near his work, and only visited on the weekends. "Lonely" he whispered. "I'm lonely."
Shaking his head, and resuming his sweeping he thought to himself.
(I can't dwell on this, it will only lead to depression.)
As Katsuhito continued to sweep he entered a meditative state,
reaching out to the local Chi lines of the valley, drawing strength into himself, until he felt a nearby disturbance. As he concentrated he realized there were two masters of the art fighting near by, but this was no friendly spar. No, this was a battle. As he continued to monitor the battle from afar, feeling the ebb and flow of power as each fighter struggled for dominance. He felt the sudden build up of power as both fighters readied their final attacks, and gasped as he realized even he would be hard pressed to withstand what was about to be unleashed.
There was a bright flash of light from behind the ridge across from the temple, shortly followed by the sound of rolling thunder as even the very earth quaked from the forces released, and then a column of smoke, dust, and debris could be seen rising high into the air. Katsuhito stood in shock. Never had he seen such power released by fighters of earthly origins. "This needs looking into." He'd said as he returned to the temple to retrieve the Master key, then to the house for Tenchi's pack and camping gear, first aid supplies and food. Later as he reached the ridge he was again shocked by the devastation before him. Mt. Horai was destroyed. The whole top third was gone, and the near side had collapsed in a massive landslide, forming a dam across the stream at its base.
Already a small lake was forming behind the dam. Making his way to the dam, and carefully crossing he began to search for any survivors. After several hours of searching, he sat to rest by the newly forming lake when a small patch of bright red cloth by the waters edge caught his attention. Making his way through the rubble he found an arm in a red shirtsleeve sticking up barely a foot above the rising water level. Grabbing the wrist he felt a weak pulse. Knowing he hadn't much time he quickly cleared the rocks and dirt from the face and chest of the person. Katsuhito was shocked once more when he realized that the survivor was a young girl no more than 16 or 17 years of age.
If you live to seek revenge, dig a grave for two.
-
ChasTaro
Posts: 152
by ranger5 » Sat Jun 03, 2006 2:12 pm
I love this story and am really glad to see you working on it again.
Never know how picky some people want the review to be. I'm gonna point out what I see (I know it's hard to proof your own stuff. I've done several "spot sweeps" of Tomboy and still find spelling errors. If you don't want this kind of editing let us know and we'll just talk about the storyline.
should be Ayeka
special
gems (at least if you're using American -- if'n you're using English or something ignore)
I had done a pre-read for a guy several months ago and after I pointed out what I thought were repeated spelling error on a couple of words the author responded with an oooppps forgot to tell you I'm in the UK and that's how we spell those words (g)
believing
thereafter
All in all a much improved intro. Smoother and with most of the rough edges polished.
Never know how picky some people want the review to be. I'm gonna point out what I see (I know it's hard to proof your own stuff. I've done several "spot sweeps" of Tomboy and still find spelling errors. If you don't want this kind of editing let us know and we'll just talk about the storyline.
Katsuhito Masaki was steadily sweeping the steps leading to the Masaki Shrine, thinking of the many changes his family had gone through since Tenchi had opened the cave of Ryoko. First had come Ayeke
should be Ayeka
she had placed a speciel blessing
special
There were gasps of suprise as the remaining jems had appeared on Ryokos neck
gems (at least if you're using American -- if'n you're using English or something ignore)
I had done a pre-read for a guy several months ago and after I pointed out what I thought were repeated spelling error on a couple of words the author responded with an oooppps forgot to tell you I'm in the UK and that's how we spell those words (g)
Thank you Yosho. Thank you for beleiveing in me."
believing
Shortly there after, Tenchi's
thereafter
All in all a much improved intro. Smoother and with most of the rough edges polished.
ranger5
"It's better to hit with a .22 than miss with a .45."
"It's better to hit with a .22 than miss with a .45."
-
ranger5
Posts: 126
by Shadow Wolf » Sat Jun 03, 2006 8:34 pm
Gems is correct in all forms of English.
[/quote]
I had done a pre-read for a guy several months ago and after I pointed out what I thought were repeated spelling error on a couple of words the author responded with an oooppps forgot to tell you I'm in the UK and that's how we spell those words (g)
[/quote]
It isn't too difficult learn to recognize the spelling differences between British English vs. American English. The vocabulary, on the other hand, takes more work.
[/quote]
I had done a pre-read for a guy several months ago and after I pointed out what I thought were repeated spelling error on a couple of words the author responded with an oooppps forgot to tell you I'm in the UK and that's how we spell those words (g)
[/quote]
It isn't too difficult learn to recognize the spelling differences between British English vs. American English. The vocabulary, on the other hand, takes more work.
-
Shadow Wolf
Posts: 28
by ranger5 » Sun Jun 04, 2006 12:25 am
Hmm. I've seen "jems" in some other fics ... maybe those WERE mispellings and the guy was kidding me. The only other word I remember changing and (The Brit I was talking said was proper in British spelling) was that they spell color spelled "colour" ... can't remember what the other two "differences" were off hand.
So how do you "Brit" from "Yank" in general -- e-mail me as this is probably off topic.
Anyway other than some minor spelling issues I think this has been polished up and IS a good initial chapter.
Can't wait til he starts the new stuff. I think there are 8 chapters on Lady Cosmos site.
So how do you "Brit" from "Yank" in general -- e-mail me as this is probably off topic.
Anyway other than some minor spelling issues I think this has been polished up and IS a good initial chapter.
Can't wait til he starts the new stuff. I think there are 8 chapters on Lady Cosmos site.
ranger5
"It's better to hit with a .22 than miss with a .45."
"It's better to hit with a .22 than miss with a .45."
-
ranger5
Posts: 126
by ChasTaro » Sun Jun 04, 2006 11:56 am
Thanks for the input guys. The whole British, American spelling thing while interesting does not apply to me. I'm in the state of Illinois in the U.S.A.. I'm just bad at spelling. I'll be posting the revised chapter on Lady Cosmos this week, and re-working the next chapter.
If you live to seek revenge, dig a grave for two.
-
ChasTaro
Posts: 152
by BlueDragon » Mon Jun 05, 2006 2:11 am
Well as far as pointing out errors; J. St. C. Patrick, and ranger5 have been doing a better and faster job than I could, probably more thorough too.
I do not entirely agree with lwf58 that Ranma/Ranko is behaving OOC, though I can see that maybe some more internal conflicting conversations may be in order…
Myself I tend to dislike stories that have Ranma going girl, and falling in love with some guy. I just feel he is so emotionally dead set against being a girl that it is just hard to swallow. And the first two that I have ever enjoyed in that vain are Kikuko, and ranger5’s Forever the Tomboy. But yours does have much merit, and fixing the numerous errors from the original chapters will I think add it to my vary short list of likeable stories in this vain. It does show a lot of promise.
On a final note, as you said in the original post you are revamping while fighting a case of writers block. I offer my suggestion for chapter 8; I think Nodoka should loose to Soun. Not that she doesn’t beat his @$$ all over the Dojo, but in the end he pulls a shady trick to win. Say he knows how Happousai does his underwear stealing trick… he’s just not good at it or consistent, and uses that to disarm Nodoka.
I offer this opinion, as it would set things up for later conflict between Soun, and the new priest at the Masaki Temple. Because if he does marry Ranko then Nodoka would be his Mother-in-Law.
I do not entirely agree with lwf58 that Ranma/Ranko is behaving OOC, though I can see that maybe some more internal conflicting conversations may be in order…
Myself I tend to dislike stories that have Ranma going girl, and falling in love with some guy. I just feel he is so emotionally dead set against being a girl that it is just hard to swallow. And the first two that I have ever enjoyed in that vain are Kikuko, and ranger5’s Forever the Tomboy. But yours does have much merit, and fixing the numerous errors from the original chapters will I think add it to my vary short list of likeable stories in this vain. It does show a lot of promise.
On a final note, as you said in the original post you are revamping while fighting a case of writers block. I offer my suggestion for chapter 8; I think Nodoka should loose to Soun. Not that she doesn’t beat his @$$ all over the Dojo, but in the end he pulls a shady trick to win. Say he knows how Happousai does his underwear stealing trick… he’s just not good at it or consistent, and uses that to disarm Nodoka.
I offer this opinion, as it would set things up for later conflict between Soun, and the new priest at the Masaki Temple. Because if he does marry Ranko then Nodoka would be his Mother-in-Law.
-
BlueDragon
Posts: 40
by ChasTaro » Mon Jun 05, 2006 3:10 am
To Blue Dragon, while your idea for Nodoka to lose has merit. I've already laied out a out line of the future. To have Nodoka wed Soun, I would have to do a considerable re-write. Rest assured Nodoka will find happieness, with someone she thanks of as manly.
If you live to seek revenge, dig a grave for two.
-
ChasTaro
Posts: 152
by BlueDragon » Mon Jun 05, 2006 2:41 pm
ChasTaro wrote:To Blue Dragon, while your idea for Nodoka to lose has merit. I've already laied out a out line of the future. To have Nodoka wed Soun, I would have to do a considerable re-write. Rest assured Nodoka will find happieness, with someone she thanks of as manly.
Hey, I have no problem there, it was just a suggestion and thats all. As I couldn't be sure where you were having writersblock problems. just thought I'd make a suggestion, sometimes odd ideas from someone new gets things going again. I know it's helped me as I know some of my ideas have helped others as well...
-
BlueDragon
Posts: 40
Updates
by ChasTaro » Sun Sep 24, 2006 11:07 pm
Sorry for so long between updates. My old laptop bit the dust, and took most of my files with it. I had backed up the main story, but the in the works revisions, and partal next chapter where lost. On top of that I've been working over time up the wazzoo for the last three months, and had little time for working on the story. Well I'm back with a faster computer, and the forced overtime is almost over, and yes I've started working on the story again. Hope to post an update soon.
If you live to seek revenge, dig a grave for two.
-
ChasTaro
Posts: 152
Re: Updates
by BlueDragon » Mon Sep 25, 2006 7:15 pm
ChasTaro wrote:Sorry for so long between updates. My old laptop bit the dust, and took most of my files with it. I had backed up the main story, but the in the works revisions, and partal next chapter where lost. On top of that I've been working over time up the wazzoo for the last three months, and had little time for working on the story. Well I'm back with a faster computer, and the forced overtime is almost over, and yes I've started working on the story again. Hope to post an update soon.
Glad to hear a new update may be in the works. Not to mention Grat's on the new PC more Speed, Memory, HD space are always nice...
-
BlueDragon
Posts: 40
Re: To Live And Love Again.
by Daniel Jess Gibson » Tue Sep 26, 2006 10:45 am
ChasTaro wrote:OK here goes. This story was origanly posted on Lady Cosmos Site.
I am currently fighting chapter 8. (I think the chapter is winning.)
While fighting writters block
More often than not, my writer's block has occured when I am about to paint myself into a corner. Check to see that whatever you are planning to do, you have a way out, unless you're planning to do a Wild Bunch and kill everybody.
-
Daniel Jess Gibson
Posts: 1111
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