Another Side, Another Story [Ranma/H2G2 Xover]

[RykoAngel]

Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy: Another Side, Another Story
A pathetic Ranma 1/2 Crossover
By: Ryko Angel Novella
-Teaser-
It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, it had seemed, up until a monumental discovery for those that actually followed the brief existence of a dirtball orbiting a small yellow sun on the outreaches of space, that the entire human race had been rendered completely extinct save two individuals. Even The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, that wholly remarkable book from the publishing houses of Ursa Minor, had been in most people's minds, fooled. This is a completely different thought process to the editors of the Guide, who consistently state that the Guide is always correct and that reality is wrong, but the people that were supposed to listen to them and in essence kiss their ass happened to be out to lunch at the printing of this report. Nonetheless, this has become a digression that could have been avoided had reality just been correct in the first place.
However, it has come to the attention of those that actually read about small dirtballs in far off galaxies that the previous report about there being only two human beings alive in the galaxy was perceived as false. To most beings, neither the fact that there were more than two people that survived the destruction of Earth and the fact that there are nerds out there that actually care about the affairs of Earth matter much. To the interstellar nerds of Avi-Eadyu XII, both of these facts were quite important to them as they exemplified both their existence and their life's purpose.
The XIIs (as all beings from the Avi-Eadyu system were known by the Roman numeral that was attached to the planet by somebody whose name is lost in history much like the Krioth Metal Metalizer and the Virtual Boy) were an interesting race, as they were fat, disgusting green blobs that moved slowly and attracted undue wedgies and wet willies from the nearby interstellar jocks of Avi-Eadyu VIII. The reason for the lack of evolution in the XII's was simple: they were the second nerdiest beings in the universe. They had had the unlucky, though it was quite fortuitous in their eyes, fault of being the only race in the galaxy to see the complete collections of Star Wars, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, Babylon 5, Firefly, Sliders, Stargate: SG1, and Scooby Doo, but nobody really watches the latter unless they've had one too many Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters.
These beings worshipped the strange programs that were sent from the sky and projected onto their rocks. Through the adventures of Kirk, Luke, and Shaggy, the XIIs began to think that perhaps there was something to that big space thingy outside of sparkling little lights. That was, of course, a problem as they had spent so much time in front of their TV rocks that the process of evolution had left them much like a human female would leave a drunken bum. However, as the Holy Trinity of K, L, and S had taught them how to eat, drink, sleep, play baseball, change a lightbulb, cook simple dinners, build lightsabers, and make cool robots like the ones Earthlings see on TV, then they could easily make spaceships. This was on the agenda second, meaning they would get to it after they learned to use the restroom, which was one thing the magic rock did not bother to tell them and they really needed to use the restroom after many many years of nothing but nachos and diet colas that their rocks had told them how to prepare.
The XIIs, after learning to travel in space, commonly visited the Earth costumed as the great Jabba the Hutt.
The news of Earth's destruction by the Vogons to make room for a new hyperspacial express route hit the XIIs very hard. Not because nearly six billion people were killed in the tragedy, but because they had been planning for the release of Episode III for the last three Earth years and were already planning the planet-wide festivities for this divine moment. After the six month mourning, and then the four year vigils, and lastly the five year Mission: Search for New Hope, the XIIs had finally regained control of their feeble lives in the world of reruns.
Their lives were shattered, quite literally, when the news of there being more humans alive had reached their planet. After making sure Kirk still died at the end of Star Trek: Generations, the XIIs rushed in unison to their spaceport to spread the news across the galaxy to the few that cared. But, in an ironic twist, the radio waves that had broadcasted the Earth sci-fi programs had also warped the ground beneath the spaceport into a thin glass, which shattered itself with the weight of the entire XII race and they all plunged into a horrible, fiery death in the fires of Mt. Velma.
This does prove two points: #1 is that you should always check the ground before stepping onto a spaceport. Lord knows what some beings may have left behind anyway. #2 is that the universe works in irony. For another example, one should note that the nerdiest beings in the known universe were of course, human beings, of which now there were confirmed three.
This discovery, when it was finally discovered in the ashes of the planet Avi-Eadyu XII, told of an extraordinary being that against all probability and violent acts towards Murphy's Laws, that had survived the Earth's destruction.
His name was Ranma Saotome.