And Luna's eyes widened in alarm as something much unlike words came spewing forth from her princess' lips.
We all play with fire here, but *this* is below the line.
Nabiki asked, "Do you know where any of the money I make goes?"
Now *this* one is has a powerful repulsive potential, I felt a strong urge to stop reading when I stumbled onto these words. You need to disguise it at least, or make more subtle... Because some common readers, unlike the dutiful C&C-doers like me, would surely abandon your story at this point.
"It goes towards the bills, the food, the repairs... Not to mention our college tuition."
You try to turn around too sharply, lose the cohesion and fly off the road spinning uncontrollably.
Try doing it like this: "It goes toward my... Toward OUR college tuition."
Overall: after the changes Ranma undergoes and Nabiki suddenly turning upside down, who is this story about? Two OOCs unfamiliar to us?
The idea of Ranma changing at Jusenkyou from a to tal jerk to what we know of him and not noticing it is nice, but while Marx said "The spirit of Communism roams Europe", I am inclined to say "The spirit of Mary Sue roams this fic."
