Temple of Ranma's Sailor Senshi Seifuku

by **Metroidvania** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 5:56 am

While I'm not a mod, mind you, at the risk of sounding parental, careful, guys.
I know Atlan asked for some input on a convertible, but this is degenerating as of the last few posts.
As for a 4 door convertible, while, there's always the ASC Helios
Not sure what else is there that isn't an antique, as the article here mentions the last 4 door convertible is the 1967 Lincoln Continental.

by **J. St.C. Patrick** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 8:26 am

Well done.
Here are a few things that I noticed that merit your attention:

Shampoo and I aren’t that good, but we can use it to reinforce our mussels.

muscles

Ukyo pulled a dented combat spatula off the mass of red hair, and watched Shampoo pull her dress up slightly. She gave the Amazon a grin. “Lets get that cut sewed up before he comes to.”

No need to change anything here. It just occurs to me that Ukyo and Shampoo might have to work quickly to staunch the bleeding with Ranma no longer being able to control his muscles to restrict the blood flow.

Jeeves walked down the hall of the motel, the rescued prisoners following.

hotel

They were a way of marshaling ones thoughts, putting a barrier between their thoughts and the outside world.

between thoughts (you have they and their in the same sentence refering to two different things.)

“No, Tofu disappeared before long. I still wonder what happened to him.” She grinned. “I think grandmother had her eye on him!”
“How old was he?” Ukyo asked tentatively.
“About 30!”
“Gak!!!”

Gak!! ( has distrubing image of Cologne holding Tofu captive in basement of Nekohanten.)

The only ways it differed from something you would find in the local police station were the NO2 sprayers and the hidden cameras. Well, that and the manacles on one wall.

those

In fact, it would only work in America, Australia, and Europe. It’s called a ‘Road Trip’.”

Those poor Canadians having to rely on dogsleds and canoes to get from place to place :wink:

Opposite me, a woman with more wrinkles than most retirement villages rubbed her chin thoughtfully.

Nice imagery.

I snickered to myself. “He tried to hit me for loosing his chance to get cured about an hour ago, then got splashed and trotted off for water. Haven’t seen him since.”

losing

The chef froze in place. “Yes?” She sounded really nervous.

It sounds odd, as Ranma is narrating at this point, for Ranma to call Ukyo "the chef". perhaps, as you have further down:
My cute fiancée

I held up my hand. “I don’t care if he shot you in the head or badmouthed Onomyaiki. Just stop doing it!” Ukyo looked down ashamedly.
“Yup,” I sighed. “In school, people would occasionally say in passing that they didn’t like Onomyaiki, or that he was pretty gay looking. It never ended well.”

okonomiyaki ( unless you mean Ukyo is some sort of Nellie Lovett and this is another version of what happened to Dr. Tofu :wink:

)

They weren’t trying to beat each other to death any more, but they still argued a fair bit.

anymore

She looked at me with amusement. “I could buy myself a country, and barely effect my bank account at all.”

affect

She looked blankly at me. “Ucchan loves Onomyiki as much as she loves me, and Shampoo’s almost as bad with Chinese food.

I took them as she finished with each one. Ucchan cooking her very first Onomyaiki. A close up of the Onomyaiki. A picture of me, guy form, eating an Onomyaiki, and another of me as a girl eating one. A picture of her shop at Nerima. Another picture of an Onomyaiki.

Okonomiyaki

A picture of me, Shampoo and her standing infront of the ship we were about to leave on.

in front

It was one where Ucchan tried to combine her two great loves- Onomyaiki and me.

Okonomiyaki (you might want to run a spell check to see if any were missed.)
There you go!

by **Atlan** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 8:30 pm

Thanks for that Pat. I couldnt help but notice that there wernt that many corections this time. I think my spelling's getting better!!
Oh, and thanks Metroidvania. I'll use that one. The article is a little confusing though. Was that car ever actually built?

by **Metroidvania** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 10:13 pm

Next year, I believe, is when it's introduced.

by **blackmamuth** » Sun Dec 24, 2006 11:12 pm

Heh, nice car, I couldn't really find anything worthy of the fic, Unless it was some classic.

by **TerraBull** » Mon Dec 25, 2006 5:49 am

Now that the car has been decided, from where to where will the trip take place? Where is the Start and the Finish? Notable Places of Interest between them? *Lol* Just wondered if someone drove the car, and Shampoo raced it with a bike, who would win?
I must admit, I am thinking of the song from Eurotrip, "Scotty Does'nt know" but hummed to with changed lyrics.
Maybe later the 3 could be riding Harleys, dressed in leathers, some bikers attempt to 'pick them up' and they deny them, they are persistant and end up in a hospital? (pictured the gang from the Clint Eastwood pic, "Any which way but loose"?)

by **UberJugla** » Mon Dec 25, 2006 11:28 am

Er the car may have been decided... But if (on the off chance) you really do want an alternative... One thats has a truly disturbing price... a roughly 338,000 dollars in US. Brittish too. Well it used to be. The Bentley, specifically the 6.8 litre 450 bhp 5.6 second 0-60 mph beauty that is the Bentley Azure. Its a 4-door 4 seater automatice (with a semi-auto sport alternative feature) and an electric roof.
It's very.... ver nice. OR you could go for the Bentley Continental GTC. Slightly faster but technically less powerfull... still a 4 seater auto though. Personally the Azure has the prestige and presence.... It's the one you want.
Ridiculously expensive European (Brittish!) Engineering... And Also built like a tank... for the crushing of the lower classes as you drive over them... Strangely like the rolls-royce... which I'm suprised nobody suggested either, but go for the Bentley if you want the best car you can.
Check http://www.bentleymotors.com/Corporate/ ... &infid=261

by **TerraBull** » Mon Dec 25, 2006 2:24 pm

Hmm.. so durring the trip, will they encounter anyone that can actually teach Ranma to drive? (Anything Goes School of Agressive Automotive Acrobatics?)

by **Atlan** » Wed Dec 27, 2006 8:11 am

Thanks UberJugla. That looks more like what I want. I'll use it instenad of Metrodivanna's one.

from where to where will the trip take place? Where is the Start and the Finish? Notable Places of Interest between them?

Oh, I can see Shampoo and Ukyo trying their hardest to find a quiet, peacefull route. Places with pleasnt names- Sunnydale, Springville (props if anyone can work out just why the two towns are so funny as a choice for a quiet holiday).

by **Hazard** » Wed Dec 27, 2006 11:56 am

Sunnydale I know, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, who else could it be? Springville on the other hand, I don't know.
As you're trying to get a quiet trip, do have a few scenes in wich Ranma, Shampoo and Ukyo complain about the quiet, or are very relieved it is.

by **Mitchell** » Wed Dec 27, 2006 2:15 pm

It could be more ammusing if you have all whacky hijinks such as visiting Sunnydale(aka Buffy the Vampire) and such places, only to complain about how quite and non-eventful their trip is (after all they only had to advert four apocalypses or something, rather than the usual six in Nerima). However play it out to your satisfaction.

by **crystlshake** » Thu Dec 28, 2006 5:28 am

Buffy and the scooby gang blink stupidly at the scene before them. The latest enemy stronghold wasnt exactly what they were expecting. The vampire minions fleeing in terror was definitely a new touch. Especially considering they hadnt even stepped through the door yet. Oh, and the noon day sun.
The Chosen One looked up. Yep. Clear skies... oh, wait looks like rain....
A trio of girls casually strolled from the warehouse enterance. The redhead in the center complaining about the rip in her shirt quite loudly.
"Geez, the jerk didnt have to wreck my shirt."
"Well you did pretty much call him and his lackeys a buch of pastey yellow pansies Ranchan."
Sigh. "Yeah but still. I mean come on! All those stories about vampires around here got me excited and they turn out to be less of a threat than Kuno!"
"Is too-too true. Should have throw blind folded stick boy at them and given them chance. Too-too sad what monsters are coming to these days."
As the three wandered off the gatered group couldnt help but feel like they were the butt of an inside joke and a bit cheated.
Now where did that questionable impulse to yell out the injustices of the world and blame them on some one come from?
:wink:

'Ranma! Because of you Ive seen the Hellmouth!'

by **runnerz** » Thu Dec 28, 2006 6:09 am

Ranma learning how to drive would be a good thing. Most people in Japan don't seem to drive a lot, as opposed to the rest of the world.

by **TerraBull** » Thu Dec 28, 2006 7:46 am

Hmm.. a short trip through Hazzard County perhaps?

by **Hazard** » Thu Dec 28, 2006 1:05 pm

Have him meet up with the Blues Brothers as well, they are just as crazy behind a wheel.

Temple of Ranma's Sailor Senshi Seifuku

Hellfire Days and Wild Knights ch8

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