The Dark Lords Strike Back, Chapter One [R/SM cross]

[frice2000]

changed the nature of their relationship. Going up against the Dark Kingdom was hardly the first time they'd thrown in together and fought for a common cause;

and yet it was the first time that they went up against others that would've giddly tortured and killed them. Yes, they had more tame battles before but something this serious and all encompassing and the addition of a new face to the cast changed nothing? I just find it hard to swallow. At a minimum his relationship with Cologne would've evolved.

masters doing a bit more explicit managing of some

Would be a good idea. Hell would think the Senshi would themselves be monitoring Nerima when they have a chance or at least coming to check out the gossip therein since it was a battlefield itself...And the gossip of a whole bunch of Chinese armies made up of odd looking folks would get around to lots of folks in the area I'd expect.

it'd be far easier and straightforward for the Musk to just kill a youma

Eh...but the Musk like to take strong monsters/animals as brides so regardless of the logistics involved they would be making an attempt regardless of possible difficulties this may cause.

Do you have any suggestions on how I could make it less abrupt

Without drastically slowing everything down no (though see my journal entry prologue idea later in this post as that may be a possible bridge). It's hard to work this background in now especially in a gear up for war as that'll just scream out of place. A private conversation between the two as an added scene might be a very good idea or even her approaching Beneda to determine why Cologne would save her. The approach Beneda thing would be nice to show more of her development too really.

most of the warriors assembled will get much better results whacking with swords instead

No, not really. If you make the Youma human you make them human and they lose their magical abilities, protections, etc. Actually that'd be extremely effective especially since they won't instantly go, "More warm water will fix this!" Hell turning them into small animals is even better tactically. Jusenkyou water used properly is a hell of a weapon if you think about it.

to the front-lines of a war like this.

If I take the dimmest approach possible to Genma even then he'd be FORCED to be there. What would Nodoka say if Genma stood by and watched as her son died? Pretty sure his fear of Nodoka would keep him around regardless of how much you want to look down on him.

Another little thing I've been wondering is what Pluto is thinking about all of these elements being in place. It seems like it'd be a bit of a headache for her, though thus far it could believably been beneficial so she might not mind. It'll be interesting to see how much these events change the SM canon then, Usa especially will be interesting if we get there.

So saying that "and then all went as in canon" is both a little unbelievable and a little dissapointing. It feels like lazy writing. I only hope that you'll reveal the changes in future chapters.

Strongly agree with this. That's the point of fanfiction to me changing things around. Really think you need to reconsider your, 'nothing much has changed stance'.

I'd strongly consider writing a ~3500 word prologue to this just summarizing Beneda's development a bit perhaps in a diary format that she decided to keep. This would nicely show Beneda's development as well as give you a very handy opportunity to discuss differences in Ranma canon from an outside perspective. Maybe this would give you a platform to also introduce some of Cologne's backstory as obviously Beneda and her have a somewhat close sort of relationship at least in giving her intelligence on the Dark Kingdom. That could also serve as a bit of a introduction to Cologne's backstory too. The journal perspective should be easy for you to write what with not really needing dialogue too. All in all think that'd be a winner for you to make this flow better from the previous story to this one.

Ranma, Ryouga, Mousse and the rest go, it was never my intention to have them

They just fought in basically a war. People almost died. That's a lot different then what they encountered before. Hell, Ranma was relying on others more then he did in canon too.

[Ellen Kuhfeld]

I'd strongly consider writing a ~3500 word prologue to this just summarizing Beneda's development a bit perhaps in a diary format that she decided to keep. This would nicely show Beneda's development as well as give you a very handy opportunity to discuss differences in Ranma canon from an outside perspective. Maybe this would give you a platform to also introduce some of Cologne's backstory as obviously Beneda and her have a somewhat close sort of relationship at least in giving her intelligence on the Dark Kingdom.

If you write a prologue, and call it such, readers will accept more diversity in form and tempo. Then you can dive right in with the first chapter, because it isn't trying to get going from a dead start.

[Pusakuronu]

Am I coming across like they're getting this info from some other source? If so, I can try to clarify somewhere that there's no alternate "official notes" or whatever they have on the Moon Kingdom, other than Altine.

No, it's just that people going "Sunspots! that MUST be our ancient evil awakening!" is kind of a weak argument to convince others with, in particular if the amazons kept their AI secret.

Hmmm. Is there anything in particular you'd like to see to ease us into it more? I don't intend to re-tread canon events if I can at all help it, but if there's stuff between them and this that you're curious about that might serve to make it an easier transition I can take those under consideration. I'll try to think of something as well.

I think what you can do here is simply change some conversation lines a bit so that it's clear events happened, but not necessarily as in canon. Perhaps imply that there was more cooperation between Ranma and Ryouga, or that Beneda got caught up in events (kidnapped by the Musk, perhaps?) You wouldn't have to go into the details, only imply that there were some differences to the canon.

Let me give it a try.

Herb: "Nevertheless, once the larger matter we face has been dealt with, I would like to request another match. A formal duel this time, not to the death. I am... eager... to see how we fare against each other without interference." Here, he glowered at <some other character who could logically have helped Ranma out>

Not the best example, but I think it illustrates what I mean.

[claymade]

Well, after playing around with it a bit I've come up a plan for a new chapter one that should help ease things more into the story, which will make this one (or rather, most of this one, but with some fairly substantial changes to accommodate the new information) chapter two instead. Hopefully this will alleviate the concerns of a cold start. It'll also let me speak a bit more directly Pusakuronu's question of how the timing went on them raising their army, and I think I can rope some more character work on Beneda and the new tribes in as well.

Don't know how long it's gonna take me to get it done, though. RL's been absolutely nuts lately; there's a reason this chapter itself took four months. Hopefully this new chapter one won't take that long...

Eh...but the Musk like to take strong monsters/animals as brides so regardless of the logistics involved they would be making an attempt regardless of possible difficulties this may cause.

Not really. Heck, Herb specifically states that the do things by arranged marriage nowadays, and that actually kidnapping animals is just ancient history. I don't see on what canonical basis you're demanding that they must not only be written to do so, but also eschewing the "logistics" of a major battle in the process.

No, not really. If you make the Youma human you make them human and they lose their magical abilities, protections, etc. Actually that'd be extremely effective especially since they won't instantly go, "More warm water will fix this!" Hell turning them into small animals is even better tactically. Jusenkyou water used properly is a hell of a weapon if you think about it.

And yet the Joketsuzoku style is a normal fighting and weapons style, not one based around water-balloon throwing. If it were really so easy and uber and insta-win, then either it's never occurred to them to use it so (in which case, why should it suddenly now?) or else there's one of the problems we've postulated (perversity of Jusenkyo magic causing problems, the volume of water required to enact a transformation being prohibitive to widespread use, etc.)

What would Nodoka say if Genma stood by and watched as her son died?

The actual question is: "What would Nodoka say if she found out Genma stood by and watched as her son died?"

Besides, Genma isn't even assuming Ranma will necessarily die. He can assure himself that the boy will make it out fine, so there's no need to put himself at risk, now is there?

I'm probably going to add a little Genma-and-Soun scene to chapter now-two, which should hopefully flesh out the thought process a little more, and hopefully help with this issue.

They just fought in basically a war. People almost died. That's a lot different then what they encountered before. Hell, Ranma was relying on others more then he did in canon too.

Mousse was the only one of them that's actually fought in anything resembling a war (so far). And, of course, he's a warrior from a warrior tribe to begin with, so that's hardly a shocking life change. Ranma's part in things--while absolutely crucial and ultimately saving everyone's bacon in the end--was still very much implemented in the form of one of his usual theatrical fights/escapades/hijinks. The closest he and Ryogua came to the "war" part of it was watching it from a distance.

Heck, Ranma himself still hasn't had to even so much as kill a single youma yet.

and yet it was the first time that they went up against others that would've giddly tortured and killed them

...people try to kill Ranma every other week. I guess the torture part might be a bit new, technically--but it's not like any of the DK blokes got much of a chance to progress that beyond the hypothetical possibility in any serious way.

Either way, it still just doesn't add up in my mind into "Ranma and Ryouga think of each other significantly differently at the end of this fic than they do at the beginning."

and the addition of a new face to the cast changed nothing?

Well, I will give you this much: I am absolutely willing to grant that every single one of Ranma's adventures which occur after that part in the manga and that happen--in the course of their progression--to involve Dr. Tofu or the inhabitants of his clinic would quite definitely transpire very differently from how they are shown to happen in canon.

[frice2000]

And yet the Joketsuzoku style is a normal fighting and weapons style, not one based around water-balloon throwing.

And yet you've got a ton of original material, original groups, groups that have used it in the past, groups with a wide knowledge of it, groups that keep instant packets of it around, groups that make water proof soap that could be used to temporarily make themselves immune to it's effects in general but also make those with curses not transform, etc. Who really knows how deeply Jusenkyou is with the Amazons? Who really knows how deeply it is with the Musk? Neither is looked that deeply into. Perhaps it isn't used because the groups involved made a treaty not to use it because it was too effective societal damning like the major western powers banned biological weapons after World War I. But you don't want to use it because you feel it'd be awkward, ok. I do really wonder what Beneda's emotions on seeing people she might have plausibly cared about and might have been friends with all die when an alternate path could've easily been found. Of course you'll likely respond to that with 'Beneda' didn't like or know anyone there well and that does work, it's just kind of hollow.

Mousse was the only one of them that's actually fought in anything resembling a war (so far). And, of course, he's a warrior from a warrior tribe to begin with, so that's hardly a shocking life change. Ranma's part in things--while absolutely crucial and ultimately saving everyone's bacon in the end--was still very much implemented in the form of one of his usual theatrical fights/escapades/hijinks.

OK if that's how you feel about it. That is a massive shame. The reason Ranma as a series works in general without character development is pretty excellent continuously contained humor and a smattering of impressive fight scenes. That works well for a manga or anime series being the medium they are. That doesn't work in prose form. In a written story people expect to see characters develop and grow. I would not have read ~200k words from the previous part of this story if this is where I thought things would lead.

Who developed there? No one but your original character. That's very disappointing, but at least we've got a excellent compelling original character to look at and see develop her humanity I'm sure that will have some effect on the Ranma cast. Oh? All the point she's serving is as a plot exposition fairy? What point was there to the original story then if nothing changed? You've squandered your pathos and your drama that you earned quite nicely in the first story if that's the case. If you go that route the story feels while nicely and vividly written with good dialogue and in character interactions, ultimately soulless and emotionless. I likely won't be reading this further then because I don't read fanfiction that's of this length to see characters not evolve or change. The change doesn't have to be dramatic but that's a very basic point of a written story. In the truly best stories everyone changes and evolves. In a good story a couple people change and evolve. It's pretty much non-existent when no one really changes. When everyone remains static you've wasted everyone's time. That's fine for a short one off 5000 word story that's not fine for something you invest hours of reading into.

to involve Dr. Tofu or the inhabitants of his clinic would quite definitely transpire very differently from how they are shown to happen in canon.

You understand that what you've just said then is, "Beneda is pointless." If you're comfortable with that fine. I'm really not.

Not saying this to be harsh or unhelpful but to help you improve as an author. And I hope you consider where I'm coming from with this. I might keep taking a look back to see where you go now, but I won't invest as much time and emotion in the C&C as I did here going forward.

[claymade]

Yes, I certainly don't deny that the character development in Part One was mostly Beneda-centric--either developing her relatioships with respect to others, or others with respect to her. I can understand why you'd want other relationships, like Ranma's, to get more development sooner in the tale... but moving too quickly can actually backfire on the author, depending on what you're building up toward and the route your planning on taking.

The precise instance you were quoting me on above is, in fact, a very instructive example (and one of the few I can sort-of talk about without to many spoilers since I pretty much alluded to it already in the chapter you've read). You expressed disappointment that I didn't have Ranma fight in an actual wartime situation, of the sort that one would expect to significantly change people. Indeed, I had a choice setting up the ending: keep Ranma at the school, where the zany par-for-the-Ranma-course hijinks are going on, or else contrive to get him onto the front lines and have him experience something very different.

On the surface you might say that I missed a chance for character development, and any missed development = "bad". But consider the difference for this chapter if I had done that: it would have given Ranma a (smaller-scale) pre-taste of the same kind of war situation he's about to go into right now, making him more prepared for it. And the more emotionally prepared/inured you are to something, the less of an emotional blow you can often wrench out of it.

If I'd had him fight in the war, then between that sequence and the upcoming one, I would have gotten two less-powerful emotional blows, the first less-powerful because it was a more restrained engagement with a bunch of people he barely knows, and the second less-powerful because he's had the experience of the first one to help prepare him for it. But by keeping Ranma's outlook the way it was in the manga--by keeping him undeveloped at that time--you can trade two less powerful situations for one more-powerful one. Because now it's people he cares for at risk and he's coming into it with hardly any context/preparation for an all-out war like this one that he's about to slam face-first into.

That's just one example of the larger principle. More is not always better. Sooner is not always better. You can make character development less effective, less poignant by trying to squeeze in too much of it at a time, when a much better impact could have been served by doing it later on, when it can be more center stage, given the spotlight treatment instead of the sideshow treatment. It's not enough to just take it as gospel that all characters should be changing all the time. You have to ask yourself "is my story best served by this character experiencing something that would change his/her nature right now? Or should I hold off exposing him to something like that until later?"

In Part One, I just didn't expose the NWC to much in the way of situations that would notably change their relationships between themselves. There were a whole host of reasons (both logistical and dramatic-timing-wise) why I made those choices, but fundamentally I chose to focus that section of the story on Beneda's relationships with them as far as what ended up changing, instead of their relationships with each other.

You understand that what you've just said then is, "Beneda is pointless."

Saying Beneda is a "pointless" character because there are a bunch of storylines she doesn't appear in is like saying Pantyhose Taro is a "pointless" character because of how many of the Ranma 1/2 storylines didn't happen to involve him the slightest bit either.

Just because a character is irrelevant to some plot threads doesn't somehow negate all the plot threads that they are crucial to. In Beneda's case, the plotline that she's the lynchpin of is, in fact, the very plotline I'm telling in this fic.

But that doesn't mean I need to have her also randomly deciding to visit the Nekohanten when Herb is there and shoehorning her into that plotline as well. That just isn't necessary in order to justify her existence.

And strictly speaking, I haven't officially said that she didn't show up then either. That's the advantage of just leaving it unspoken; I'm not saying what adventures she did or didn't get involved in, so the reader can fill in the blanks however they see fit. (But there are certain... congruence... reasons to leave open the fact of her not getting involved there, which I'll be able to talk about more freely after chapter was-two, now-is-three, it's just... geh.)

[frice2000]

but moving too quickly can actually backfire on the author

Huh? You've written the equivalent of possibly two professional novels already in this story and that's too quickly for character development? It doesn't have to be a ton of development it doesn't have to make a character unrecognizable from canon but two or more novels is too quick for ANYTHING? Whole characters get established, live, die, and have vast emotional resonance in that time in stories of all types across a litany of art. For there to be little or no movement is very very rare.

You expressed disappointment that I didn't have Ranma fight in an actual wartime situation

Actually no I was saying he just did. If you want to make the argument that this didn't change them at all and with the injuries the Amazons did sustain which I'm sure he heard about or saw this had little to no baring on character development for him or others? Serious injuries to others in regards to his plan, deaths of creatures he knows can be redeemed see Beneda do nothing to him? That is very frustrating.

the less of an emotional blow you can often wrench out of it.

Yes, but it'll feel cheaper since unless you're insinuating that he has to see blood and death on a massive scale surrounding him to change and can't get this kind of info from accounts from others who were following his plan that makes him quite unlikable.

by keeping him undeveloped at that time--you can trade two less powerful situations for one more-powerful one

Yes, I'd agree with you entirely here...If I didn't invest the equivalent of ~2-3 professional novels reading time already in this story. Again, your argument boils down to that for me. If nothing that took place in the first two novels of something mattered except to only introduce you to ONE character and introduce a altered and realistic view of one organization it drastically cheapens that work. You're not giving the first chapter of your story any importance while doing this and are as I said before, and throwing away some quite nice emotional resonance you had with the first story to start again from the top. Not saying that isn't something you see happen in other stories, especially series, but they are rarely if ever better for it after this kind of emotional reset.

ou can make character development less effective, less poignant by trying to squeeze in too much of it at a time

Two to three novels. I can totally buy into this argument if the prior story was about 40k words but it wasn't. It was far longer and more sweeping and epic.

ection of the story on Beneda's relationships with them as far as what ended up changing

No, you didn't. What you did was introduce a excellent new character that was seemingly going to play a rather large role in their lives moving forward, but then you just say that, 'nah she isn't'. If you had Beneda be involved, if you excised Akari and had a Ryouga/Beneda possible pairing as seemed plausible at some points in the previous chapters this would work and I'd buy into it. You're not. That's the problem. Emotional investment into your characters happened with the first story but now this story requires none of that investment. You could easily start your writing with this story and have provided flashbacks to previous events to explain things with how little seemingly the initial story matters here.

Saying Beneda is a "pointless" character because there are a bunch of storylines she doesn't appear in is like saying Pantyhose Taro is a "pointless" character

He WAS a pointless character. Like the litany of villains Ranma defeated and moved on from. People like Ryoga, Shampoo, Cologne, Happosai, Akane, Genma, Soun, etc. were main characters because their actions made a difference. Pantyhose was a nice guy to prop up every so often and have a fight with. Ranma canon is rife with those characters who are introduced and then have no point to ongoing plot. If you want Beneda to be a main character she needs that kind of interaction time and involvement in underlying canon that comes later. Not having her involved, and not developing her drastically cheapens her regardless of your plans for her moving forward. How can you plausibly have her not involved? She sees Ranma and Ryoga as her saviors doesn't she? Wouldn't she be hanging around them at points? Why wouldn't she? If you want her to be a background support character fine, but that's a crushing disappointment to me as she was the most intriguing character, I assumed by design, from the previous work.

That just isn't necessary in order to justify her existence.

You don't need to shoehorn her into plotlines but having her make a difference is the whole point of introducing an original character in the first place. The fact that a youma turned human who is quite close to two of the main driving forces of the series and has made friendships with other important elements NOT having an affect on events makes no sense at all to me. It is not justified. I can understand why you don't want to make these changes because it involves a lot more work and is more difficult but it is needed.

I haven't officially said that she didn't show up then either

Yet you've given every impression to your readers that that is the case. Giving your readers something that says 'no it wasn't' would be very very welcome in that case.

I am going to agree with Claymade on this one ie the character development stuff and the relevance of Beneda to the over all canon plot of Ranma 1/2.

Again, I don't read more then two novels worth of materials to see characters doing things but then having positively no overarching changes to their arcs unless it's purely a comedy which this is not.

There I've written out the emotion your story gave me with the first iteration rather then let it disperse to nothing. I'm probably being overly harsh but honestly feels like you're killing a good thing without realizing you're doing so and it offends me for some reason.

[Kerrus]

I think that while Genma and Soun running off is certainly plausible, it isn't exactly... I don't think it's in character for Genma. Soun, for sure, but while Genma will run rather than fight whenever possible- when he *can't* run, he does fight.

In this case, he can run and, in the short term put things off- but he's a lot more invested in his meal ticket than Soun is, and I mean, there's a difference between the consequences that come back to haunt you being a bunch of angry fathers/fiance's for your kid, and the world ending and you being guaranteed to die.


Now, yeah, he can probably convince himself that Ranma will come out on top, but to be completely honest I don't think he really believes in Ranma enough, what given all his plans and schemes and the like throughout the series.


I think it would probably serve well to either split up Genma and Soun (and Genma goes back, maybe arrives after everyone's gone through when it's too late), or at least have a scene where they're drinking, Soun is lamenting the loss of his daughter, and Genma is mulling it over in his head. Then maybe Genma goes back, maybe not. Maybe Nodoka shows up or something- lol.

But just buggering off when these are the stakes? Eeeeh.

[Jorlem]

Just out of curiosity, will Ryu Kumon be showing up during this sequence? If the tea ceremony family and the skaters were recruited, wouldn't Cologne go after him too?

[claymade]

A prelude focusing on Beneda and her relation to the rest of the cast may be nice, but I do not think it is needed. Jumping into the first chapter pretty much gave me the impression that stuff happened like it did in canon for the most part, or if it didn't it was not a big enough divergence to need to mention it.

Well, I have actually been won over by the idea of having a previous chapter. Part of it is that it's not just going to address Beneda and her interactions, but also give me space to try to fix in more depth some of the other sticking points people had, as well as set up some of the other OCs a bit better. Gonna be a bummer for my update schedule, but the idea for the chapter has grabbed hold of me, and I really feel the overall story may be better for having it.

I do definitely agree with you that not everything needs to happen now; it's just that some of the things that it would allow to happen have grabbed hold of my imagination a bit now that I've thought about it some.

Now, yeah, he can probably convince himself that Ranma will come out on top, but to be completely honest I don't think he really believes in Ranma enough, what given all his plans and schemes and the like throughout the series.


I think it would probably serve well to either split up Genma and Soun (and Genma goes back, maybe arrives after everyone's gone through when it's too late), or at least have a scene where they're drinking, Soun is lamenting the loss of his daughter, and Genma is mulling it over in his head. Then maybe Genma goes back, maybe not.

Yeah, you're right, I definitely need to have such a scene in there to unpack their thoughts a bit, not have it just be them gone and leave it flat like that.

One other thing I can throw in there is have him also reflect on how just many Elder-class fighters they've got as well; he can figure if they've got a half-dozen Colognes, then he can tell himself that just the two of their presences alone, one way or the other won't make very much difference between them winning and losing, so no reason to risk a much greater percentage chance of personal death when you'd only alter the odds of the battle by a slim ammount.

Just out of curiosity, will Ryu Kumon be showing up during this sequence? If the tea ceremony family and the skaters were recruited, wouldn't Cologne go after him too?

He was the most tempting one to use, but in the end I felt it would be more trouble than it was worth. In-story, he's out wandering again and the people Cologne had out looking for him didn't find him. Out-of-story, having him be involved raises the whole issue of the 'Senkens to peoples' minds, which is just not something I wanted to throw in there.

There are few things more utterly, lethally toxic to writing interesting fight scenes in the Ranmaverse than having the Umisenken get unsealed, and if I brought Ryu in I just know I'd send a lot of people's minds down that route. I just didn't even want to go there.

Huh? You've written the equivalent of possibly two professional novels already in this story and that's too quickly for character development?

"Too quickly" isn't question of raw length of story. It's a question of timing.

An author should only initiate the kind of situations that would prompt character growth in his characters at the points in the plot where events are set up to make use of it, and where the results would benefit the story as a whole. It's not a question of "word count before I'm allowed to change Ranma", it's "which parts of this story would benefit more from having a normal-canon Ranma in them, and what parts would benefit more from a changed Ranma?"

That's what will determine at exactly which point I decide to throw him into a situation that would cause him to change his outlook.

How can you plausibly have her not involved? She sees Ranma and Ryoga as her saviors doesn't she? Wouldn't she be hanging around them at points?

Of course she would. She's still right there, in Nerima--just like her sensei Tofu is. There's no reason to think she's not visiting the NWC, hanging out with them, interacting with them, etc. There's also no reason to think that she would necessarily happen to be present for the particular events that we see take place in the manga--any more than Tofu happened to be around at those particular times.

Yet you've given every impression to your readers that that is the case. Giving your readers something that says 'no it wasn't' would be very very welcome in that case.

No, I definitely don't want to mandate that she was there for that arc. I myself don't really like thinking of her as being there, since it feels to me like a pointless and unnecessary addition to what was an extremely awesome arc as it was--as pointless as adding Ukyo or Happousai to it for no reason would be.

But my not saying anything one way or the other at least gives the reader the opportunity to fill in the blanks themselves as they see fit. It was my... compromise, of sorts.

He WAS a pointless character. Like the litany of villains Ranma defeated and moved on from. People like Ryoga, Shampoo, Cologne, Happosai, Akane, Genma, Soun, etc. were main characters because their actions made a difference.

Well, rather than arguing the point, I'll just switch to one of your own examples, since it works equally well: is Happosai a "pointless character" because there are actually some number of arcs, such as the Musk Dynasty arc, where he doesn't happen to show up?

Of course not. A character's pointlessness has nothing to do with how many arcs they don't happen to be on-camera for. It's what they do in the arcs where they are on-camera that determines what their point is.

The reason I didn't have her take part in the fight against Herb was not because Beneda doesn't have a point. It's because fighting against Herb isn't her point. Having that happen would be irrelevant and unnecessary to the story I'm telling, so there's no reason to contrive a way for her to just--coincidentally!--happen to be there, as opposed to just not happening to be at the Nekohanten right at that moment.

There are arcs where Beneda happens to get involved, and is significant--and those are the very stories I'm telling. And yes, there are also other arcs where she doesn't happen to show up or play any kind of role. But you could also say that about every single other character except for Ranma... to one degree or another.

Yes, but it'll feel cheaper since unless you're insinuating that he has to see blood and death on a massive scale surrounding him to change and can't get this kind of info from accounts from others who were following his plan that makes him quite unlikable.

Well first off, if you remember, the Amazons weren't following his plan. In fact, they kept the fact that they were going to use his plan for their own purposes completely secret from him. He was as surprised as anyone when they attacked, and he certainly never even remotely intended for them to do that.

More to the point, if I wanted to have him visibly change his character as a result of that, I'd have to go back into the previous fic and edit such a scene in there. Since, after all, I've already covered the time period surrounding when he would have heard those "accounts from others" and didn't write any such change into his normal behavior in any of his scenes subsequent to when it would have happened.

Now, granted, I could go back and retcon in a scene where one of the Amazons gives him a particularly moving account of the battle, which is so touching that it causes him to noticeably re-evaluate the way he lives his life. But no such scene exists there today... and most people that read it seem to have been okay with such an interaction--such a change--not having happened.

You're not giving the first chapter of your story any importance while doing this and are as I said before, and throwing away some quite nice emotional resonance you had with the first story to start again from the top.

Okay, now you're losing me. I get that you think I should have changed Ranma during the first fic, but what, exactly, am I throwing away? To "start again from the top" I'd have to reset Beneda's entire character arc to being a cowardly backstabber who doesn't care about humans, as opposed to a friend of the NWC who's willing to sacrifice her life for them.

She cares about them. And they care about her, even the ones who were initially prejudiced against her. That was the point--the focus--of the character development in the first half. It wasn't about altering Ranma and Ryouga's "grudging camaraderie mixed with death threats" dynamic. It wasn't about giving Ranma a direct taste of real warfare. It wasn't about getting Ranma and Akane together as a couple. It wasn't about making Ukyo fall in love with Mousse. It wasn't about reforming Happousai to become a less-lecherous person.

Which is why, though any of those could theoretically have been interesting character development arcs to pursue, I only set up events so as to initiate the lines of character development that served the framework of the story I'm telling.

[Ezvir]

Very happy to see this story continued.

On the "nothing changed" issue, ISTM that you only need the broadest strokes to be the same as in the manga, i. e. Ranma fought Herb and the Phoenix people and earned their respect, Ryouga got together with Akari, no one died or changed in huge ways, and you probably are planning for Ranma to still have learned the umisenken. Herb, the Phoenix people acted on their own schedules which wouldn't have been affected by the events in Nerima and Ranma's involvement would have been likely or at least plausible in any case. Due to the episodic nature and the liberal use of the reset button in the manga most of the other events could have been completely different, without lasting consequences.

E. g. the mirror clone, aging mushroom, koi rod, sentient dougi, bodyjacker doll and tenjou tenge yui ga doku son noodle incidents might all either not happened at all or involved different people. And if you wanted to show that the skipped events weren't just a repeat of the manga you could include a few such things in throwaway lines, e. g. Ranma complaining about something being almost as bad as when all those mirror clones of Kunou were runnning around, or someone complaining that Souun cries like a baby at any age, but at least it was less embarrassing when he was a baby a few weeks ago. Or maybe Akane remembering how odd it was when Brenda pretended to be their mother to ward of Miss Hinako's advances (instead of Ranma in the manga). For that matter, unless you plan to have Hinako appear you could have her not be teaching at Furinkan at all. Ranma could have been reunited with his mother earlier (another thing Brenda could have had a direct hand in). Some bystander might be cursed to turn into twins, or maybe even Happosai himself (perhaps with the copies usually fighting each other instead of cooperating). Lots of possibilities.

Pretty much the same is true on the Sailor Moon side, you probably only need Moon to have the Crystal ex Machina, the generals to be dead, and Endymion to be brainwashed, the events leading to this state of affairs could have been completely different, and you could show that by something like someone reminiscing about how they couldn't have dealt with [improved Dark General tactic as a result of encountering the "dark lords"] without [improved Shenshi tactic/training].

[claymade]

Very happy to see this story continued.

Thanks!

On the "nothing changed" issue, ISTM that you only need the broadest strokes to be the same as in the manga, i. e. Ranma fought Herb and the Phoenix people and earned their respect, Ryouga got together with Akari, no one died or changed in huge ways, and you probably are planning for Ranma to still have learned the umisenken. Herb, the Phoenix people acted on their own schedules which wouldn't have been affected by the events in Nerima and Ranma's involvement would have been likely or at least plausible in any case. Due to the episodic nature and the liberal use of the reset button in the manga most of the other events could have been completely different, without lasting consequences.

This is quite true, although there's a... certain aspect to it that I'm reluctant to discuss in detail at the moment for fear of spoilers. Let's just say for now that I'll be able to speak more to the topic in a few chapters...

[claymade]

Okay, so I've worked out the additional scenes that I mentioned I would be INSERT IGNOREing into this chapter. These aren't the only changes; most of the scenes are going to be reworked to one extent or another to remove inconsistencies great or small with "Chapter Zero". The following, however, are the completely new ones:

The following scene will go in between the scene where Ranma talks with Cologne about Meihui and the scene where he talks with Kiima and receives the Gekkaja:

Soap hopped along atop her cane through the milling crowds of fighters packing the streets, following the young Tian Wu swordsman who had approached her.

"Just this way, ma'am," he told her. The boy was trying to sound formal and officious, as he no doubt thought would befit a warrior dealing with a dignitary from another tribe, but the ancient master could hear the youthful uncertainty in his voice. Probably his first time dealing with such weighty matters.

She could sympathize. The fate of the world! Who was prepared for such a task?

After a bit more walking they reached the most recent problem that had sprung up in their way. A pair of extremely nervous policemen were standing at the edge of the army, their exit blocked by a half-circle of about a dozen warriors. It seemed that—even despite the usual Nerima jadedness regarding martial arts antics—word had reached official ears about such an unprecedentedly huge gathering. And they had sent these men to investigate the truth of it.

Not that Cologne hadn't prepared for such an eventuality, of course. She'd had scouts—like the ones who had caught these two—patrolling a wide radius around their camp from the very beginning, alert for both disguised youma as well as more human investigation.

The former hadn't proved to be an issue. Save for Beneda, there hadn't been a youma in Nerima since Jadeite had pulled the remnants of his forces out all those months ago. Still, too much human attention could result in their enemies learning of it as well.

The Dark Kingdom did still have deep-cover spies in the human world; Joketsuzoku hunters had identified almost a dozen over the past months, searching them out by their tell-tale ki signatures. They were mostly concentrated in governmental centers like Chiyoda Ward, with some others in Minato Ward since it was their base of operations. Still, even there, word might reach them if steps weren't taken to nip this in the bud.

The element of surprise was, after all, one of their few advantages in this.

"Ah, good morning gentlemen!" Soap called out to the policemen merrily as she hopped up to them. "So good of you to visit us. How can I help you?"

The two men glanced at each other, then nervously out at the ring of grim-faced warriors encircling them. "We... we heard a report that there was a... strange gathering at this address..." one of them spoke up, his face pale. "Our chief just told us to check it out. We're not looking for any trouble!"

"Of course, of course," the old crone said soothingly. "Please, by all means, have a look around! We're always glad to welcome more visitors to our cultural festival."

Both policemen blinked, then took a long look at the ranks upon ranks of hard-bitten warriors flooding the street behind Soap, armed to the teeth with all manner of lethal-looking weaponry. "Cultural... festival?" one of them said, disbelievingly.

"Oh yes!" Soap went on, as though oblivious to their skepticism. "Our first annual Chinese Cultural Festival! We even have a sign; I'm surprised you didn't see it on your way in." She pointed behind the two officers, and reflexively, they turned to look where she indicated.

The instant they turned their backs, Soap whipped a comb and a bottle of Formula 411 shampoo out of her sleeve using the hidden weapons technique. A quick swing and a squeeze of the bottle slathered both their heads with it, and she immediately went to work. The old woman scrubbed both their heads simultaneously, one with each hand, while still balancing atop her staff, while at the same time pressing the shiatsu points in the skull to manipulate memory.

After finishing the main part of the Xi Fa Xiang Gao, she produced a bucket of ice-cold water and splashed it over them, followed by a quick drying with a battery-powered blow dryer. All in all it had taken twenty-one seconds.

When they finally turned around again the two policemen had a slightly befuddled look on their faces, but that quickly vanished. "Well, thank you very much, ma'am!" one of them said. "It was very kind of you to show us around your wonderful cultural festival! We'll go back and report to our superiors that there was nothing to worry about; just a harmless gathering that got blown all out of proportion by rumors."

"Oh, thank you very much!" responded Soap. The Xi Fa Xiang Gao would ensure that these two always remembered their time here as the festival she had told them it was, utterly impervious to any other evidence that might come up. And since neither of these two looked to have the strength of will that the Tendo girl had, she wasn't particularly worried about either of them snapping out of it.

The old woman sighed. One more hurdle cleared, at least for the moment. She turned back to the ring of scouts. "Let them go," she ordered. "And resume your patrols. There's no telling who else might decide to come looking."

The following scene will go immediately after Ranma discovers that Genma and Soun have fled:

Off in Adachi ward, far away from both Nerima and Juuban, Genma shrugged the large backpack from his shoulders, dropping it to the ground as he leaned against the wall of a nearby building. The heavyset man let out a deep breath, staring up at the clouded, foreboding sky, then closed his eyes.

"Saotome?"

The sound of his friend's voice caused Genma to look over to where Soun stood. The long-haired man looked uncomfortable, fidgeting a bit as he stood. "I'm just... resting a bit," Genma told him. "We can get moving again in a second or two."

There was a long pause. Then Soun spoke again, hesitantly. "Do you think... do you think we should go back?"

The question caused something in Genma's chest to constrict. But unfortunately, his con-artist's mouth was already answering before the rest of him even had a chance to weigh in, regurgitating the same excuses that he had spent hours convincing himself of prior to leaving. "Now really, Tendo," he said. "What good would that do? You saw the army they had. You saw how many grandmasters were there. With that much power, it's not like the two of us would tip things one way or the other. So that means there's no reason for us to risk our lives."

"Right," Soun agreed, nodding. He was clearly trying to convince himself just as hard as Genma was, though he didn't have Genma's experience at hiding it. "No reason at all."

"And they have my boy with them!" continued Genma, picking up steam. It helped to say these things out loud. It made them feel more believable. "Think about it, Tendo—have you even seen him lose? I mean, when it really mattered? It'll be fine; there's no reason to worry."

Yes, Genma thought, this is the best course of action. Ranma would handle the heroics. He always did. All Genma needed to do was survive—the way he always did. And by doing this, he would keep Soun alive in the bargain! That had to count for something, right?

It was all so terribly easy to believe. It was his entire way of life—one he had grown so accustomed to in his long years under his monstrous master. That he was currently fleeing a newer, far more terrible monster mattered little in the end. It all came down to the same thing.

Shouldering his pack again, Genma walked onward, his old friend following in his wake. It was pointless to worry, he kept assuring himself. They would come back in a week or two, and this whole business would have blown over. Of course, Ranma would be angry, disappointed... but it would hardly be the first time.

His son's disappointment was also something to which Genma had long since grown accustomed.

And this scene will go after Ranma's nighttime talk with Akane, and before the muster of the army the following morning:

Later that night, the jangling of the Nekohanten's telephone woke Cologne from a troubled sleep. She picked up her cane, and before the third ring she had hopped over and answered. "Yes? What is it?"

"Elder Cologne, this is Balm!" The old master immediately recognized the frantic voice on the other end as one of the Joketsuzoku guards stationed in the building across the street from the Dark Kingdom portal, to keep an eye on their enemy's movements. "Something strange is happening here! A group of girls just went into the café you told us to watch!"

Any lingering traces of sleep were abruptly banished from Cologne's mind. "Girls?" she demanded. "How old? And how many?"

"Five of them, elder, in their early, teens! I didn't recognize any of them. They weren't disguised youma—at least not that we'd seen before. And they had two cats with them!"

The ancient master let out a hiss of breath. It was them! It had to be! They had somehow found the location of the portal all on their own, and were going through it!

"Those were the Sailor Senshi!" she snapped. "Stop them! I'll be there in ten minutes!" Without waiting for a reply, she slammed the phone back down and vanished into a blur of speed, rocketing toward Juuban at speeds the eye could barely follow.

The possibilities and counter-possibilities waged war in the old woman's head all throughout her desperate run, weighing the danger to the Senshi against the danger of revealing themselves to the Dark Kingdom prematurely. Whatever happened, she couldn't allow them to face the challenge alone, but how best to intervene now that it had come to this?

She reached her destination seven minutes later, panting and out of breath, to see Balm awaiting her on the rooftop. "Elder!" she called out quietly. "I... I was too late. By the time I got down to the café, they were gone. No trace of them anywhere."

Cologne closed her eyes, and nodded. As she had feared, they had gone through to make their own attack. "Send word back to the rest of the army to mobilize," she said. "Meihui should be able to figure out how to open the portal when they arrive. I'm going to go through immediately to see if I can help—"

But her words were cut off as Balm's eyes widened, and she pointed down to the street. "Elder, look!"

Emerging from the small café were five colorfully-dressed girls. Two of them—both blonde—were each carrying a cat in their arms. They all looked considerably worse for the wear, tired, limping, their uniforms slashed in various places. But they were all alive.

"Are... those the same girls...?" Balm murmured. "They don't look anything like—"

"Disguise magic," was Cologne's brief reply. She let out a long breath of relief. There would be no need to rush the plan after all, no need to risk revealing themselves too soon.

She turned back to Balm. "From now on, keep up your watch with particular care. If those girls you saw tonight—in either form—come back here for a second try before we're ready to move tomorrow night, warn them to stop. If necessary, you have my permission to divulge any information about our plans in order to convince them."

Then a wry smile crossed Cologne's face. "But even then, tell them as little as possible. If they suspect our connection to the 'Dark Lords of Nerima', or our participation in the battle that took place six months ago, it could create... unnecessary incidents... at a time when it is critical that we keep a low profile."

Balm nodded. "Understood, Elder," she replied, with a grin of her own. "Our villainous escapades will remain a secret."