Given the Skippy List and some of it's clones and figured that Return could use one too.
The first one is for the Agents, and following it is the list for the Broodlings.
1. I will not modify my uniform to that of a Pattern Silver's.
-Even if it is to show solidarity with our allies
-My gender is irrelevant in this rule.
-I will not sign up for the D program just so I can circumvent this regulation at a later date.
2. I will not challenge Miss Saotome to a drinking contest.
-Even if it is just alcohol.
3. Consuming slain foes is strictly forbidden.
-Unless you're Brood.
4. I am not allowed to make my own "research" copies of the surveillance feeds.
-Selling them is also forbidden.
-Even if Nabiki finds a good deal on a distributor.
5. Detailing succubus mating habits is not a mission requirement.
-It doesn't matter that Lt. Tendo got to do it.
- Having sex with a Succubus is not a Human/Non Human anthropological study nor does it contribute to your doctoral thesis
6. I will not try use Nabiki as Lolita bait.
-Especially if she is into it.
7. Betting pools related to the D-Program are considered bad for morale.
8. I will not compare Miss Saotome's singing voice to a dying cat's.
9. I will not comment about Major Saotome's sleeping habits.
10. The use of the term MILF is not allowed, no matter how appropriate it may be.
11. I am not cleared to use the IGMG.
-Even if Misako lets me.
12. Lighting a cigarette off a flaming aura is not recommended.
-Roasting marshmallows off flaming auras is discouraged. It does not matter if you think it's the best way to make smores.
13. Wagers on which of the Pattern Silvers are lesbians are not allowed
-Even if I did win the Ami and Janet one.
14. I am not allowed to help the brood pick up guys or girls.
-It doesn't matter what they plan to do with them.
15. Acceptable nicknames for Miss Saotome are Red or DarkStar. Names like Sunny, Milf-chan, and Porn-star are not.
16. "But succubae can do it" is not an acceptable excuse for anything.
-"But I'm going to be a succubus" doesn't work either.
17. I will not put the sign "Pantry" over the base's morgue.
18. Experiments on the effects of ice armor near genitalia are prohibited.
19. I do not have a transformation wand.
20. I am not allowed to shorten my name to just one letter.
21. Using my status as a secret-agent to avoid bar tabs is not allowed.
22. I am not building a doomsday device.
-Especially not with Major Saotome's help.
23. Taunting Miss Mizuno about not being "evil enough" is not advised.
24. Recommendations to put marksmen at the entrances to the Pattern Silver's apartment building and "make things simpler" get old after the tenth submission.
25. I am not allowed to swear my loyalty to Miss Tsukino.
-Even if it is to gain her confidence and get close to her.
26. I am not allowed to date any of the Pattern Silvers.
-It doesn't matter that they hit on me first.
27. Filling hollow-point rounds with spices is not allowed.
-Even if the brood agrees that it makes things taste better.
28. Congratulatory sex after a successful turning is not an acceptable reason to shoot you teammate.
29. Claims that I am an incubus will be met with laughter at best, dissection at worst.
30. "To Serve Man" is not a good book to give the brood.
-Especially if there aren't any recipes in it.
31. I will not teach Miss Saotome's daughters new forms of profanity or encourage them to invert their own. I acknowledge that even though they are sex-demons, they are still impressionable, highly energetic, and adventurous women.
32. Attempts to get the brood to re-enact “Nightmare at 20,000 Feet” are prohibited.
-Even I have my own twist to add.
33. I must remember we are not MIB, no matter how cool we look in our sunglasses.
-Our silver pens are not neuralizers.
-Neither are our sidearms.
34. No matter how tempting it may be, even with Major Saotome's permission, Pandas are not in season.
35. Comments about working with Succubae in the city with the world's tallest free standing phallic symbol have already been made by wittier people.
36. Use of company vans for the unauthorized pick up of school children is strictly prohibited.
-Upholstery cleaning fees will be garnished from your wages post-mortem.
37. Company members failing Company Standard Safety Drills are not eligible for the D- Program
-If I really want to change I should just ask Miss Saotome myself.
38. Brutal human dismemberment of terrorist factions by non-Brood Company Employees is frowned upon.
39. Any and all Rocky Horror references made in regards to D-Program applicants are considered to be in bad taste.
- Even if Miss Saotome really can make you a succubus "in just seven days."
- This rule applies doubly to Agent Majors and Agent Weiss.
- Miss Saotome, Misako, and Nariko are not "Sweet Transvestites," and calling them such to their faces is considered to be ill advised.
40. Making trips to Company holding cells shall not in any way be referred to as "making a stop at the candy shop".
41. A bib is not regulation assault mission gear.
42. If Miss Saotome offers you something to eat, I will politely decline.
-Cannibalism and frowned upon.
-I will remember Rule 16
43. Brandishing a cross at a succubus, even as a joke, is not in good taste.
44. If I catch an Assemblyman giving a sermon in mid battle, it is enough for me to simply shoot him. Heckling while I do it is considered bad taste.
-It doesn't matter if the joke was particularly funny.
45. I will remember that Canada's Wonderland is the theme park in Vaughan, not the Tendo Residence.
46. Fava beans and Chianti are not on the commissary menu for a good reason. I will not bring my own.
-Neither is long pork.
47. Speculating or arranging a Succubae versus Tentacle monsters match with the Tokyo Branch is prohibited.
-This includes trying to break the Japanese quarantine of them.
48. I will not put living fairies in specimen jars without air holes.
-Even if it is the fastest way to collect glitter.
49. 'Bite me' is not a recommended comeback when dealing with non-human entities.
50. Jokes, cracks, and pranks involving the expanded dietary habits of the brood will result in your imminent digestion.
-Signed: Ranma "Sunshine" Saotome
51. No matter how good Miss Saotome is with her hands. I will not bug her for back rubs.
52. There is no blood in a 'Bloody Mary'
-It doesn't matter who you're making it for
53. The Addams Family theme song is not a Jody.
-Even if have my own witty rendition that involves the Saotome Family.
54. I will remember that Miss Saotome and cats do not mix.
-I will not take Ranma to a revival of "Cats!" the musical.
-Nor will I Meow the "Meow Meow" cat food commercial jingle around her
-This includes use of the word 'pussy'.
-This also extends to Catgirl outfits.
55. The Company's Artillery branch is reminded that it is forbidden to take the M270 to use as a make out wagon.
56. I will not put the names of recently deceased AoM members on commissary menus.
57. I will refrain from making comments on Misako's fashion sense lest she be made my personal -and- compulsory off-duty fashion designer.
58. Showing the brood horror films for the express purpose of giving them ideas is not recommended.
59. Remember if you really want to mess with your kids ask the brood to babysit.
60. I will not ask if the Brood is 'dressed to kill'.
61. While personnel are encouraged to express camaraderie with the brood, some restraint is required. I will remember that a drunk succubus is a dangerous thing.
62. "What do you do with a drunken sailor." is not an acceptable Jody.
-Even if I have my own witty version involving the Senshi.
63. Paradimensional doppelgangers of Miss Saotome are to be avoided whenever possible. They are just too much trouble.
- Especially those that are Pattern Silver of variants thereof. Or carry a rabbit. We will NOT have a repeat of the rabbit-carrying-girl incident.
64. I will remember that the works of HP Lovecraft are not a portent of things to come.
-Even if he worked for the Company and given mission reports as inspiration.
65. Agents are reminded that 'De Vermis Mysteries' is not a cookbook, and the summoning of pattern registering entities, even for culinary purposes, is strictly prohibited.
- See rule 16. "But Ukyou needs it for her latest Okonomiyaki recipe" is not an acceptable excuse.
66. You do not, under any circumstances, "make this look good."
- Even if you do bear a striking resemblance to Will Smith.
- See rule 33 for more info.
67. I will not refer to Pattern registering entities as "reality deviants," and I am not authorized to institute a Technocratic POGROM against them.
68. Agents are discouraged from engaging in mythological debates with the pattern Silvers designated 'Pluto' and 'Saturn' in regards to any possible mix-up of their respective areas of influence.
- Even if you do have a degree in the subject.
69. I will not bug Major Saotome to make the fallowing weapons: A BFG 9000, Tau Cannon, Rail Gun, Noisy Cricket, Plasma Rifle, Blaster Launcher, Plasma Grenades, Chain sword or other variations of Chain weapons.
70. While on a mission, I will not contact local morgues for a "take out order".
- The brood doesn't appreciate "cold leftovers" and would rather eat their own kills.
71. I will remember that comparing any officer to a demon or monster, regardless of how ruthless and/or harsh they are, is unacceptable.
-Even if they are one.
72. I will not enlist the aid of Miss Saotome or the brood in the creation of any films.
-Even if the basic idea is "The same thing we did with that Lovecraft guy".
73. While I may have a "license" to kill I may not use it to get free stuff from local stores. Or Bars. See Rule 21
74. Just because Miss Saotome looks like an 80's biker chick does not make her a Hell's Angel biker chick.
75. Major Saotome does not wish to be called Q. She does not make "Super Spy Stuff". Those who call her Q will be ejected from her lab.
76. I will not claim that Akane's cooking is a bio-weapon.
-Despite what evidence I gather.
not work in the cafeteria. Unfavorable comparisons to her cooking may result in
her becoming your personal chef.
-The cafeteria staff are not enemies of mankind deserving of eradication.
77. If you see one of the brood crying, hug her. It's really in your best interest to comfort her.
-And never ever make a one of them cry. If you do then prepare yourself for the mother of all beat downs.
78. I will not make jokes that involve Miss Saotome, members of the Brood, succubae or Viagra.
79. I will not mess with Miss Akane's "Toy Chest" or Miss Ukyo's "spice box".
80. Giving the Brood reading materials detailing the finer points of BDSM practices is not recommended.
81. While in Ontario I will not refer to the RCMP constables I work with as Dudley. Nor will I refer to Ontario Provincial Police constables as Oppie. Neither will I call CSIS agents Sissies.
82. I will stop asserting that Miss Saotome's singing voice does not have mind altering capabilities.
-Distributing recordings of her renditions is not a good way to prove my point.
83. I will not recite the lyrics of "I wish I was a Lesbian" every time I see a member of the Brood.
-Or "I'm a Lumberjack".
84. If asked by a member of the Brood for a good place to eat, I will not reply "the red light district".
-Even if I just meant a restaurant there.
85.All warfare is indeed based on deception. This does not mean we dress up in the Brood's clothes.
86. I will not reference the personal habits of the Miss Saotome to answer unrelated questions.
87. I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.
-Nor are the Brood members.
88. I must stop commenting on how we all wore the same thing today.
-Even when on a plainclothes mission.
89. I was not seduced by the enemy, and the scars from that mission are not "love tattoos."
90. It is not motivational to talk about team-mates who died in situations “just like this”.
91. Maniacal laughter is not "perfect stress relief" during a fire-fight.
-Again see rule 16.
92. I should avoid worshiping any god whose name has more than four consonants in a row.
-It still counts if there's an apostrophe separating them.
93. I will not invite any members of the brood to play strip poker. Nor strip monopoly, scrabble, battleships, old maid, twister, cribbage, golf, etc.
-It doesn't matter if they're into it.
94. I will not invite the brood to play the skins side of shirts and skins - at any game.
95. I will not tell new members that the D in the D-program is a reference to the size they will be.
-Even if odds are it'll be true.
96. I will not tell new members that the lowest level of the downtown Toronto base has the Stargate.
97. I will not make gnomic statements that "everything is proceeding as prophesied"
-Even if it is.
98. Agents are reminded that Mages, wizards, and other magic users are not to be referred to Gandalf, Merlin, Dumbledore, or any other names.
99. I will remember that with the broodlings, it's "look don't touch".
100. If I don't know how to handle a succubus then I will refrain from pushing her buttons.
101. I will not give the brood a copy of the Kamasutra or similar books and refer to them as basic reading material.
-I'm sure they're already read them anyway.
-See rule 80.
102. The brood is not related to the zerg.
103. I will not come to work in bondage gear.
-See again rule 16.
-Goes doubly true for male agents.
104. I must not use Company resources to build a giant mecha for Nabiki to pilot.
105. The motorpool is not allowed to requisition or mix pink paint for the Company vehicles, no matter how cute Nabiki says they are.
107. I will not steal the Royal Canadian Mounted Police Force's horses to prove that W.I.C. is better at security than them.
108. Yelling, "Look, it's the mounties!" is not an acceptable way to classify incoming Royal Canadian Mounted Police Force members.
109. Just because someone has refused my romantic advances does not automatically make her (or him) an unregistered non-human worthy of eradication by the company.
-being a lawyer, politician, or your ex is not proof either.
110. I will not, in order to escape Toronto's winter, get my buddy in WIC Hawaii to make fake emergency calls to WIC Toronto requesting my presence at an incident that only I have the expertise to handle.
111. Tapioca on the Cafeteria menu is not a sign that the kitchen staff is a threat worthy of eradication.
112. Colonel Jacob Edwards smiling is not a sign of the end times.
113. I will not try to prove that the brood's "toys" are nuclear powered.
114. "But that's what the prophecy said" is not a legitimate excuse to ignore common sense or standing orders.
115. I will not ask Nariko to give my car a jump start.
-I do not need 1.21 gigawatts of power to start my car.
-Even if it is a Delorean.
116. I will never use insults that are "anatomically impossible acts" around members of the Brood as they may just attempt them.
117. If you have issues with your mother then trying to join the D program may not be the best of ideas.
118. Nailing "Hello Kitty" dolls to firing range targets while yelling "DIE EVIL THINGS!" will make Nabiki very angry. You don't want to make her angry. She may do "Cute" things to you.
119. Pink is not an appropriate color for guns of any type
-No, not even Nabiki's.
120. Just underwear is not proper mission attire.
- Being NH does not excuse you
- Even if it is Company issued undergarments
- This applies to spandex as well
121. When riding in a Company Helicopter to the scene of an incident, playing "Ride of the Valkyries" on external loudspeakers is not permitted.
-It's not permitted when in a Company van either.
-"A-Team" theme song, "Air Wolf" theme song, "Love Machine", "Devil with a Blue Dress", or "I've got a luverly bunch of coconuts" or "Highway to the Danger Zone" are not acceptable either.
122. Yes, you are a demon hunter. No you cannot have your own theme song.
-Stealth is much more important than looking cool.
123. I will not talk about the sexy underwear I bought "just in case for the D program" on a mission.
-Especially if I'm male.
124. Agents are to refrain from using "Ya Mama" jokes when in an argument with the brood.
-They don't like it when anyone talks bad about their mamma. (They will rip you a new one, literally.)
-Succubae have long memories and Miss Saotome may be your mamma someday.
125. Agents should be careful about using the phrase "hit like a girl" while in the presence of the Brood or Pattern Silvers. They might demonstrate.
-It upsets female agents too and they may not just hit you
126. Yanking a Succubus' tail will result in a lot crying and a maiming... yours.
-See rules 99 and 100.
127. I will not say "What evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows!" while pointing at Sailor DarkStar.
-Nor will I sing "Me and my Shadow" around Akane.
128. I will not ask Nabiki to supply ice cubes for a Mount Erebus Antarctic Cocktail or any other flaming or volcano inspired cocktail.
-Or ice crystals for a baked Alaska.
129. I will not ask Sailor Mercury to do a fan dance.
130. I will not ask Sailor Virgo if she really is one, nor will I ask her if she will have to change her name once she does "it"
131. Dark Starburst is not a form of evil candy.
132. I will not call Command and Control Central Dogma.
133. The cafeteria will not stock Soylent Green.
-No matter how many D-program subjects petition for it.
134. I will not ask Dark Mercury to supply the Ice Sculptures for the next Company party. No matter how life-like they may be.
135. If you're trying to to jump start your sex life there are easier and less drastic ways than joining the D program.
136.WIC personnel are reminded that tact and word choice are important on and off the clock. Things that you think sound 'smart' and 'smooth', will probably get you labeled 'dumb' and 'crispy'.
137. I will not run up to an enemy we have under surveillance and say "Tag! You're it!"
138. I will not send love letters to Assembly of Man bishops signed "your cuddle muffin"
-Nor will I sign Colonel Jacob's name, or Ranma's or any member of the brood.
139. Even though they'll probably agree. I will not ask the brood to be strippers at my next party.
140. I will not help Nabiki with her "Succubae dating service" project.
141. Introducing yourself as the Brood's pimp in public will result in a beating.
-If you're lucky.
142. While Sailor Moon is technically a mother, in the positive possible future present tense, in that she has not yet had the child, who is at present in Japan, she is not to be referred to as a MILF.
-See rule 10.
143. After action reports do not begin with "Once upon a time..."
144. Fairy tales are not acceptable briefing materials.
145. I may not attempt that really cool maneuver/stunt I saw in any movie
-especially if I "figured out what went wrong last time".
146. We do not need an old priest and a young priest.
147. "Kill them all and let god sort them out" is not an appropriate battle cry
-Though in rare cases, it is an appropriate doctrine.
148. "If at first you don't succeed, use more explosives" is not the motto of the demolitions, R&D, nor Artillery branches.
-Despite what those sections say.
149. Pokemon references are not allowed. Especially when getting brood help on a mission. Variations are not allowed either:
-"Sunshine! I choose you!"
-"Sunshine use Sing!"
150. There is no Succubus Relief Office Hotline.
-They do not grant wishes.
-If it's that sort of wish, try to join the D-Program.
151. I will not make translated copies of BlackSky's "My Life" available to the general public.
-or the Silva Succubus primer.
-or the Path of the Will book
-or the Necronomicon
152. Splashing succubae with Holy Water will only result in impromptu wet T-shirt contest.
- The 'rules' status of this has yet to be determined.
153. I will not paint Setsuna's Dodge Charger in General Lee colors. It is the wrong model year.
-Nor will I paint it in Richard Petty's 1974 Dodge Charger STP #43 Blue & Red NASCAR colors.
-STP does not stand for Setsuna Transforms into Pluto
154. The brood practicing Arial combat with various experimental weapons are not to be referred to as Iron Eagles, Harpys, or Phoenix.
155. The act of Cleanup after a battle is not to be referred to as "Leftovers" or "Doggy-Bagging the evidence."
-See Rules #50 and #17
156. While Ukyo's senshi power is mental she is not a paranormalist performer like Uri Geller. I will not ask her bend spoons with her mind lest she turns me into a pretzel. Nor will I call her Yuri Geller.
157. I am not allowed to perform magic shows using gunplay.
-Even if I'm planning to use one of the Brood as my lovely Assistant.
-If I miss I will be eaten.
158. While touching a succubus' horns will...pacify a her it is not recommended that you do so to members of the brood.
-You shouldn't touch the horns of other supernaturals either as they may not react the same way.
-The horns of a Succubus are extremely sensetive touching one without permission would be considered an act of assault, posthumously
159. A Panties raid is not appropriate training exercise.
-Especially if the objective are the brood's panties.
-It does not matter if a certain diminutive old man gives you "permission"
-Especially remember to not try to take clothes off the Brood as they generate much of their clothing themselves.
160. I will not make jokes about Miss Saotome turning all of Humanity into succubae one person at a time.
-Despite what evidence I gather.
161. The making too many Succubae jokes, will result in a reassignment as the brood's chaperone.
162. I shall not refer to the Succubae as HK-47's, no matter how many times they refer to humans as "meatbags".
163. Body parts of enemies are not decorations. It doesn't matter how cute, or pretty it is. And under no circumstances are you to collect parts to add to the decor of your home.
-No Trophy heads - even if you think you need a hat-rack.
-No Scalping. You do not need to make a rug - of any kind.
-Nor do you need it to jazz up the company uniform.
164. Allergies are not a valid excuse to disregards orders to engage or escort Non Human entities.
-Not even if their dander triggers your allergy to cats or other mammals.
- Anti-allergy medicines are available from the company infirmary.
165. I will not abuse the in-house dry-cleaning service.
-Some NHs Can make a real mess when they die.
-So can some humans.
166. I am not "on a mission from God"
-Nor are you "on a mission from Satan"
167.I will not ask Commander Stillwater if he runs deep.
168. I will not use the Company's Black helicopters to create crop circles.
-or buzz apartment dwellers.
-or pick fruit.
169. I will not go to sporting events; local, nationally televised or sandlot and hold up signs like:
170. I will not take members of the brood to Hooters just to show up the waitresses.
171. If I can tell you that you can do something "when pigs fly" you may not ask one of the Brood to carry one next time they train. It won't count.
-Nor does taking one in a helicopter
172. Just a reminder: the Brood are playful not naive. Patronizing them in any way may be tolerated by them for a time but can result in your dismemberment.
-Never underestimate Nabiki.
173. Remember succubae are like normal women there is a special time of the month where they would gladly want to rip your head off. But unlike normal Women, succubae can and will rip your head off.
174. Reading the script from episode 38 (Bullets & Bikinis) of The A-Team Backwards while standing naked before a pile of burning TV Guides will not summon Murdock.
-I am not to try to summon Murdock in any case.
175. I will not use Jusenkyo samples to play pranks.
-I will not attempt to clone famous people by drowning them in a Jusenkyo spring.
176. I will not take the brood down to New Orleans for Mardi Gras just so I can get my weight in cheap plastic beads, Tin doubloons, and plastic cups.
-Nor will I join the D program just so I can get my weight in cheap plastic beads, Tin doubloons, and plastic cups.
-Nor will use my sidearm to get my weight in cheap plastic beads, Tin doubloons, and plastic cups.
177. Company issue Everlast Chastity belts are a myth.
-They are none in storage in case there is a tentacle demon invasion.
-I will not tell new agents about their existence or give them forms to "sign them out"
178. Just because your daughter's boyfriend is a jerk doesn't make him worthy of eradication by the company.
-However that doesn't mean we will not prove of general pummeling about the head and shoulders, of the punk.
179. Your daughter coming out of the closet and revealing that she is a lesbian goth doesn't mean she's a sucubus or that it's Miss Saotome's fault.
180. I will not go the Royal Ontario Museum or the Ontario Science Centre with the express intent of replacing exhibit signs with ones of my own creation "telling the true story"
-Nor will I go to the Ripley's Believe It Or Not Museum in Niagara Falls with proof that succubae exist.
181. I will follow Ranma's request and not encourage the Brood to "go commando" or to do the "full monty"
-Conversely, if I am assigned to work with the Brood, I will actively discourage their own tendencies to "go commando" or prance around doing the "full monty".
-Nor will I whine about the unfairness of it all. At least in public.
-When speaking with Ranma's children, I will not play up "The Emperor's New Clothes" as a fashion guide.
182. When speaking to the Brood, I will always remember that the words "come to papa" and "who's your daddy" are not signs of platonic, fatherly affection.
-I will also avoid the use of the phrase "Shake it, baby!" even if a member of the Brood or a Pattern Silver is making a martini for me.
-The use of tact also applies to clothing and bumper stickers.
-Female Agents even succubae may take offense.
-Examples such as this.
183. Despite the mythology around the subject, dreaming about a brood member does not mean that they were in fact literally invading your dreams and is certainly not a good excuse to violate rule 99.
184. Despite what every other group of demon hunters seems to do, WIC policy is shoot first and make dramatic speeches/poses later. Not the other way around.
-In fact often skip the speeches and poses entirely.
185. Sunshine Drive in Richmond Hill and Sunshine Street in Toronto were not named for Ranma in this life or any other previous life.
-Nor were Sunnybrae, Sunnybrook, Sunnycrest etc.
186. I will not tell Nabiki that she will find unicorns at Unicorn Ave. She is cute, not naïve.
-See rule 172
187. I will not ask brood members to pose with their wings extended in full demon mode at the corners of old building because I think the buildings need gargoyles.
188. I will not take pictures of the brood with their wings extended and auras flaring (Or other entities) to sue Disney (Or other film companies) over exploiting the rights of non human entities.
-Nor will I suggest using the Brood to extort money from said companies in lieu of suing.
189. I will not put Biohazard symbols on the cafeteria doors
-nor "abandon all hope ye who enter here"
190. I will not write "Here be Dragons" on any map
-unless I have proof
191. I will not attempt to take over any nations with company materials
-Any attempt at world domination can and will result in a psych evaluation especially if you are in the D program.
192. Even D-program members must pay their bills/taxes on time
193. While it is a soldiers' maxim to eat and sleep whenever you can you may not do so while on duty
194. The Mark II Hazmat skinsuits are not to be referred to a full-body condoms.
-And are not to be used as such.
195. While the company will not forbid agents in engaging in a relationship with registered NHs. The Company will ask that agents exercise their common sense and judgment.
-Remember size and proportions are important.
-Remember Rule 194.
196. After combat with lycanthropes remember to have all injures inspected by the medical staff, DO NOT leave the medical wing until you are cleared and follow all of orders given by the doctor.
-Just because we have a D-program. Doesn't mean we will allow just any NH.
197. Just because a NH looks cute and harmless doesn't mean it's cute and harmless. Examples are Nabiki, Vorpal Bunny, and a fairy going through PMS.
198.I will not put hula girl dashboard bobblers modified to look like brood members in Company vehicles
199. I will not commission life-size inflatable or vinyl dolls of brood members.
-Nor will I try to defend it by calling them Decoys
-In addition, body pillows with the Brood or Pattern Silvers are strictly prohibited. I understand that being caught with one will result in being turned over to them to have the stuffing kicked out of both me and the pillow.
200. I will not use NH's as a business opportunity. See rules 4 and 140
-That also includes no making of "Accurate" figurines/statutes of popular NH forms or selling a series of silhouette mugs on the internet. Playing cards with the strengths and weakness of NH's are also discouraged.
-I realize this is a suicidally dumb plan, and would be made even worse by not giving Nabiki her cut.
201. All Agents are expected to have a strong stomach when working with the Brood. You can count on witnessing truly horrific combat scenarios, which often involve sights that Viet Nam did not prepare you for. Vomiting is forbidden.
-Always remember, the dignity of the Company's public image is in your hands.
-In the words of a notable US Office of Secret Intelligence agent, just because you were a toddler during the Vietnam war doesn't mean you haven't seen action in that country.
202. Various videogames Doom, Disgaia, Shin Megami Tensei, anything by Valve and any others, are not to be considered sufficient training materials.
203. Despite Sailor Venus' transformation she is not cornering the gold market and she does not give out free samples - of any kind
204. You are not to call Sailor Venus "Moon's Love Machine".
205. The Pokey Little Puppy is not a secret succubus training manual. Nor does it contain subliminal messages for controlling succubus behavior.
206. The Company medical plan does not cover reconstructive surgery made necessary by you not following the rules regarding appropriate behavior when dealing with the brood.
207. I will not sing "I will die another day" to converted members of the D program.
And here's a list for Limiting what the brood can do.
1. We will not pester mother about how good of a succubus
someone will make.
-Or suggest turning ourselves.
-Unless it falls under the D program, I will not create broodlings of my own without asking mommy first.
2. In order to maintain our secret I won't bring any of our special books to school.
-Even if I have a clever excuse.
3. Even though I'm a succubus, I will not take an after school job as a stripper or a "stripper" in the red light district. I'm working my through college is not an excuse.
-We are under 18
-We are already on the Company's payroll
-THIS GOES DOUBLE FOR NABIKI & MISAKO
4. Mommy is allowed to drink because she is a teenage mother with five teenagers.
-We can drink with her permission and in moderation
-Bugging her about drinking is counterproductive
5. I will not go running to Grandma Nodoka when Mama Sunny says I can't do something.
-Begging big sister Nariko won't help either.
6. I will not call humans Meatbags, because it is rude and I was once a Meatbag myself.
7. I will not put a video of Mommy singing on YouTube just to prove how good she is.
8. Grandpa Genma is an idiot but he does know martial arts. I will not ambush him unless I'm trying to train from him and it's the only way.
9. I will not install a Burlesque pole in the dojo.
-Unless Mother wants one.
10. I will not use body paint in place of clothing.
-Outside of the house.
11. I will not play with my enemies with out asking mama Sunny first.
-Unless we're attacked first.
12. Sharing is important.
13. We're not allowed to invite school friends over for orgy parties.
-Even if we don't use any powers.
-Nor are we allowed to do it during school hours.
-We shouldn't spice up sex ed.
14. DON'T EMBARRASS THE FAMILY!!
-That's Genma's job, unfortunately.
15. I will not Abuse the crying succubus rule at the Company.
16. I, Nabiki, will not try hack in to WIC's computer system and replace the WIC symbol where ever it appears with Hello Kitty.
-Nor will I ask one of the Communications agents to do it for me.
17. I, Nariko, will not use my power to give "joy buzzer" handshakes - especially not at 1.21 gigawatts.
- except maybe to AOM members.
18. I, Misako, will not give fashion tips to WIC's female Agents
- Even if they desperately need my advice.
- No I don't find anything ironic about my opinion, why?
19. If invited to play sports with other members of WIC, I will not:
-Use my wings to intercept balls that would have been home runs.
-Even if I only wanted to save people from having to hunt for the ball.
-Use my wings to make spectacularly long slam-dunks.
-Even if I'm not actually flapping them.
-Use my tail as an extra stick when playing hockey.
-Use my wings to intercept the puck or ball when goal-tending in hockey or soccer.
These things are unfair to those who do not possess the extra appendages.
20. I will not roof surf on a moving car.
-It doesn't matter that Michael J. Fox did it in Teen Wolf.
21. I will not post videos of Akane and Nariko at Lesbiantube.com
-Or of Ukyou and Misako
-Or of Mom
22. In the event of a power outage I will not hook up Nariko and use her as a generator.
23. A stripper named Candy is an inappropriate mother's day gift.
24. I will not show the Toronto Raptors what a true Raptor is.
25. I will not sunbathe nude on the top of any glass covered plaza (Such as the Eaton's Centre)just to show off.
26. When I go to the CNE (Canadian National Exhibition)I will not go into Full Demon Mode in the Haunted House just to scare the meatba.. I mean humans.
27. I will not use mission footage to produce a splatter movie.
- even if Hollywood offers outrageous sums of money
28. We're too old for Trick or Treating.
-I will not sneak out and use my ability to create clothes to repeat houses while Trick Or Treating.
-Nabiki, it doesn't matter if you can look young enough for it.
29. LA Blue Girl is not a documentary.
30. I will not summon a shkima demon for a "sparring session"
-Unless I ask Mom and get her permission.
31. I will not use home movies to make porno videos.
32. I will not let Nabiki talk me into remaking Terror at 30,000 feet.
-It's scientifically impossible anyway.
33. We are to avoid all references to the Hanibal Lecter Trilogy when around humans.
-The fact they many know about the existence of sucubae is irrelevant.
34. We're not allowed to eat people who commit minor crimes.
-Hunting purse-snatchers in the park does not count as "grabbing some fast food".
35. I, Ukyo, will not shove spoons in to every orifice of the next person who calls me Yuri Geller, as the Doctor had trouble extracting them all from the last guy - especially the ladle.
36. I, Akane, will not use my shadow power to get free goodies/ pop from vending machines.
37. When riding in the company helicopter on the way to a mission we will not sing "Kill the Rabbit"
-Or when on any mission, sing "Always look on the bright side of Life"
38. I will not tickle torture someone in mid flight.
-Nor will we try to join the "mile high club".
39. We must not talk with our mouths full.
40. I won't do "special" modeling for grandfather Hapossai without Mother's approval.
41. We are allowed to chew out our subordinates if they screw up. However, we are not allowed to chew them up after we screw them out.
42. Just because we're demons that can create magical napalm doesn't mean that we can let out our inner pyromaniacs.
- Please limit using napalm when fighting near dangerous chemicals.
- That means especially inside chemical factories.
- Refineries are right out.
- Even IF they make a very cool bonfire.
- No amount of begging will allow an exception. This goes double for Nabiki.
-The Magical Napalm is a Battle Technique, it is not the best tool to ignite fireworks.
-I will not sing burn baby burn.
=Napalm does not always smell like 'Victory'
43. I will not stop in the middle of a mission to have a BBQ, unless Mother approves.
-It's better raw anyway.
44. I will not try to convice the motor pool to paint vehicles pink, nor the quartermaster to paint weapons pink. Again.
-Nor will I put some red food coloring/cloth dye powder in the bathtub or washing machine to make everything and everyone turn into shades of pink.
45. I will not ask Grandma to make build, for me, a giant robot no matter how cool it would be.
46. I will not make Soylent green.
47. I will not call the Mortuary and or Hospitals to ask if we could get a To Go order.
-Mom will know that it's not fresh.
48. If I, Akane, do not have tomato sauce at hand for my pasta recipe, blood is not a suitable replacement.
49. The ethnicity of a human doesn't correspond to an ethnic flavor.
-The fitness and age of the person make a much bigger difference.
50. The only combat enemies are allowed to be consumed.
51. The Look will not get you out of the fallowing studying, exams, chores, company physical exams, cleaning your room.
(THE LOOK: Quivering lower lip, big sad puppy dog eyes, hand together half begging half praying)
-Being cute isn't a license to ignore common sense or to commit bloody murder.
-But it does help you get away with it. Wink
52. Even if you consider it polite if an agent focuses both above and below your neck some of the time, you still can't eat them if they refuse to check you out or refuse to look you in the eyes at least some of the time, though.
53. I will not redecorate the dojo with "GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS" Neon signs.
54. If I'm bored I will not go into the bad part of town to terrorize some poor defenseless gangs or any other criminal organizations.
-Even if for some reason they attacked me first.
55. I will not create a Napalm ball and sing "This Little Light of Mine" to distract enemies. While it may be fun and work it also distracts everyone else. Using Napalm in Karaoke falls under rule 42.
56. Playing video games are not considered weapons practice.
-Even if it's Halo 3
-Even if it's America's Army
57. There is no Succubus Relief Office Hotline.
-no, you may not start one
- If you hear of one contact Mother and/or a WIC agent so it can be dealt with
58. Opening a Steamy chat service using the books from Grandma is not a good way to memorize the techniques. And it could lead to confusion if you slip into Demonic while reading them.
59. Given the regenerative properties of some of our enemies, I will not keep AoM priests/bishops as secret prisoners to use as a personal living larder. I have to share.
60. I will not abuse AOM Priests just to rearrange their body parts like a Mr Potato Head.
61. No posing for racy pictures until you're of age.
-It doesn't matter if it'll raise morale
62. The brood will not spook new WIC recruits by turning as a group to look at said recruits in unison with the same smile ( or licking of lips).
63. The brood will not use their regenerative powers to scam tattoo artists who offer lifetime guarantees on their work
Additions and suggestions are welcome.